The best gaper quotes

So at my home resort at one of the base areas they have a concrete courtyard thing where people can eat outside and chill and some guy with his whole family with rental skis rides right on to it a few sparks come off there skis and they walk as a family across the courtyard and are talking about the quality of the rental skis no joke
 
I was about to go off a kinked rail in the park and this gaper lady and her husband stopped right in th e landing. "I want to watch the kids up close" Then I proceded to almost hit her.
 
haha...a while ago when I was teaching on the bunny hill/rope tow area, this snowboarder kid fell going on the rope tow halfway up, and was trying to reload it right there in the middle of the hill... obviously he was horrible at snowboarding and couldn't do it, let alone quickly enough to not make other people pile up in back of him. eventually his idiot mom (in ski boots) came over and tried to help him reload the rope tow. at this point there were 10-15 kids and adults gathered around the place he was trying to reload because he was blocking the way up. I had to actually go up there and talk to him twice about unstrapping and walking the rest of the way up before he actually gave up and unstrapped.
 
Last year at blue, a couple in their early 30's was trying to figure out how to get the guy's snowboard on but couldn't...I waited a few minutes in silent laughter before pointing out to them that he was wearing ski boots.... "Wait, you need different boots?"
 
Going up the chairlift today and there was a snow blader in classic 80's attire trying to ski the 4 inches of powder on the side of the trail like 3 feet from the woods and he eats shit and says to his friend, "They are really bad at packing the snow here." me and my dad had a good laugh.
 
*Gaper and I watching T-Wall edit*.

Gaper-that shit's easy
Me- Uhm, he's sliding a one inch rail, jumping off it, rodeo out, stomping it switch.
Gaper- What's your point?
 
So I've got 2 gaper "friends" ( dont really like them but theyre ish )

Well they are both snowboarders and the first one always talks about how he is sooo amazing and how he does frontflips and cork 7's all the time, of course no one has ever seen him even come close to doing even a 3. Second day our mountain is open we saw him alone so he started to ride with us for a while. We were on the main lift and when you get off there is this 7 foot drop off a little bit down the run. So were just messing around on it just doing straight airs and then he goes off of it, does a straight air and falls flat on his ass. His reason for doing so was because " I was doing frontflips off of this yesterday and on the last one I got hurt so I dont want to frontflip today. " We then go down another run and we found this little shit jump, he 180's off it then falls and spins while still on the ground, gets back up and calls it a 360.

Now on the gaper numero dos, he always tells us how snowboarding is his life and how good he is. He's been out once this season so far and he said he was doing all these sick tricks, well we were waiting for some people to hit the jump and his brother asked us if we knew his gaper brother and we said yehh we do, well then his brother said " yeh he sucks ass at snowboarding " , then we asked the gapers girlfriend if he's good at snowboarding and she was like " oh no he sucks at snowboard-, oh wait I mean he's really good at snowboarding (sarcastically)"

Another time we were in spanish talking about this little 10 foot cliff we were going off and he said that he loves that cliff, a couple minutes later he asked me where it was because he couldnt remember. He's also said that he has a sick park set up in his yard that he sessions allll the time, his brother also told us that they dont have anything set up in their yard.

 
yesterday i threw down a lazyboy in the jib park and a guy on the chairlift complemented me for my "reverse summersault" and proceeded to tell me i should go to the X-games
 
I was with one of my friends and we had a a pow day. as we were coming down from the top we decided to take a few laps in the park to see if it had gotten better better because we had some natural snow. Then we saw a group of friends and decided to ski a run with them. They are really really cocky if someones better then them.As we were waiting to drop in on the first box line and i told them they should get out of the park because there was knee deep powder at the top (thats rare for my hill). then they tell me that i suck and i said that i was gonna ski park a lot this year (i told them i hit my backyard setup and it would help me progress a lot in rails). They told me to shut up and that they were better then me because they hit all the boxes. so i go and 90 on to switch off because it was my first run of the day.. i see them go and 50-50 it (it was a flat box that was a foot off the ground). as they got down i told them that it was sticky. they said shut up and stop making excuses.. then they tell me to watch them hit the flat down.. its a little bit of a jump on. i said ok. they hike up the jump,stand on the flat, push onto it, and step off before it gets to the down part. i ask them what was that? learn to actually slide a box then you can say you hit it. they said they were better anyways.. my friend who i was skiing with disastered that and told them that if he can do that they should try to slide a flat box sideways. they say stop braggin and you haven't hit the kink (they also stand on it and push until the flat part is over, then step off).At the bottom they say now you hit it but i said i don't want to because its kinda sketchy and im afraid of the down-flat transition. they tell me again i suck and they hit them all so i ask if they can do the c box. they say no the c box is stupid so we don't hit it. then my friend and i ski away as they are yelling "you guys suck" at us and we avoided them for the rest of the day.

if you actually read all that then props to you and if you didn't,i don't blame you..
 
i have a skullcandy sticker on one of the tips of my watch lifes, and on saturday i had 2 different gapers say to me " are those skullcandy skis? those are sick!"
 
..pointing to my brother's skis - "Are those those Big Boys?"
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they are.. most of them are nice off the hill though. I just avoid them skiing because they fucking piss me off. one of them thinks he can get sponsored and was gonna go in a rail jam.. he can only 50-50.
 
My buddy and I were in line at heavenly and saw this. He turned around and yelled BLADES! and took the picture. I couldn't keep it together laughing so hard. We gave the guy a highfive and he was just as stoked as we were.
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So if you have ever skied Marmot Basin in jasper you will know that you could describe that place in one word GAPER!!! so going up the chair with a couple of kids that have 1400$ eg. Atomic Blog with FKS180?? the kid looked 13 and weighed prob a buck 20? so he then procedes to make fun of my skis and how they suck and that he has a higher din binding then me!!!! I laugh at him as i get off and he ends up falling and they have to stop the lift for him then he procedes to go ski with his mom down the "easiest way down" GAPER MUCH!!!!!!!
 
At Schweitzer, hopping onto the Quad, I constantly get remarks about my 2008-09 Hellbents. It ranges from "Are you wearing two snowboards?" to "Wow, those are some fat skis." No shit, really? I had no idea. It comes from everyone too. Ski patrollers who have worked in the industry for over fifteen years. Families. Racers. Everyone. They go off on the graphics too. But it makes me wonder what they'd do if they saw someone riding this year's Hellbents (132mm underfoot), Nordica Jah Loves (140mm underfoot) or Fatypus Alottas (140mm underfoot).
 
the snowboard remarks are the worst!!!!!! its like no thanks do you see me sitting on the hill and scrapping it to ice? moms that complain about the graphics being satanic!!!!!! makes me wanna spray paint them black so people wont bug me
 
gaper: which do you like better skiing or snowboarding?

me: umm i cant really decide.. skiing i guess

gaper: but dont you like to go in the obstacle course and do tricks?

 
My dad recently used that term in reference to a backcountry 720. And I thought I thouroughly educated him...

I hate watching ski movies on the computer with my dad as he insists on listening to P!NK while watching, his argument being, "It's just like skiing on the hill, I should be able to listen to what I want." Infuriating. Especially when I'm forced to listen to the movie through ineffective 'noise isolating' earbuds and he's playing the CD on the home theater sytem. Her harpie voice pierces though my earbuds' cushion of protection. Now I wanna kill P!NK with my homemade hidden blade.

Recently I saw 2 chubby gapers oggling my Line Anthems; I think one said, "WOW those are so wide!".

I responded with "well then you obviously haven't seen powder skis."

One said, "Wait what are powder skis? Aren't yours powder skis?" (i ski in Canada's midwest so I don't blame them for their lack of knowledge.)

I didn't want to continue. "No, they're not. Go research it. I could discuss this further, but I rather be stomping out issues with my 360's. So, yeah, see ya."

Them: "WOW he can do spins! I bet he can do..." By that point I was too involved in my music to listen nor did I want to. I didn't mean to sound like a dick but I was in a bad mood because my ski kept getting stuck in the hole of the flat down box due to a lack of snow covering it.
 
I stopped at 0:19, that's all I needed to hear. I FUCKING hate cuntry music and it's stupid drawls.

Fuck their pickemup truk.
 
The chorus goes:

I can take you for a ride on my big green tractor

We can go slow or make it go faster

Down through the woods and out to the pasture

'Long as I'm with you it really don't matter
 
In the ER yesterday the guy sewing me up was talking about a shitty local resort and after I told him its always icy cause its so damn windy there constantly, he told me I was wrong cause "They make that fresh pow on that particular mountain."
 
gaper son and dad:

gaper son having trouble buckling his rental boots, dad "here, we'll tuck your jeans into your boots so they dont get in the way"

NO! GAPER IN THE MAKING
 
Up my 'local' hill one day, everything except the beginners area was closed due to wind so we were just messing around trying some stupid ass stuff.Now, we don't look like beginners - we were on big skis, decent outerwear, gogs under helmets, blah blah.But somehow a variety of ultra-skilled gapers decided we needed some help.
First we were trying to ski with our toes in the heel-pieces. It's good fun, especially when the brake pops down and you go head-over-heels faceplant when racing your friends.However after one good bail some guy skis over to me and starts explaining which way around my skis go. After all, I probably got confused by the turned up tails...
Next up we were trying to run up to our skis and literally jump into both bindings. This is much, much harder than it looks. Half the time you end up on your stomach with your bindings popped up. Several people decided we needed some help, and stopped to offer advice on how to put skis on.
The best was in the line for the tow. I turn to my friend and ask him loudly how you do this thing again, it looks very scary. Some gaper dude overhears us and starts giving me a big lesson on how to ride the tow. When it was my go I turn to the guy and ask, like this? And ski out just like he told me, only facing down the hill. He's like OH NO OH NO NO NOT LIKE THAT. Lifty hands me the platter anyway and I head away switch while flapping like a madman. Gaper dude just stood there and looked confused. Good on him for trying to help though, I guess...
 
*homie leo hits jump and does ill cork 9 blunt*

WHOA! that was so sick. I think that was tom wallisch!!
 
i dont know if i posted this, but some lady asked me what the functionality of a big jacket and baggy pants was. i couldnt really give her an answer....
 
So first off everyone on ns knows that when the chairlift stops its bounces slightly right?

Well, a ski patrol at my home mountain was yelling at me and a couple friends on the chair for not having our bar down.

He told us that the reason we need the bar down at all times is because if the chairlift stops abruptly it has been known to bounce and shoot people off the chair 10 to 15 feet in the air...
 
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