Most embarrasing thing you have ever said to you parents

i was watching tv with my mum and dad, some random wildlife show, beavers i geuss

and kinda outta nowhere, and without thinking, i just said

"i wonder what beaver feels like", meaning the fur or something (i dunno exactally what i was thinkin) and so the whole family just kinda cracks up and now they tease me about it all the time.
 
well this wasnt exactly me that said this, but me and my girlfriend were coming upstairs from the basement, and my older brother was making an ice cream sundae, and he pulls out the whipped cream and says "you forgot this" and hands it to me.

i almost pissed my pants laughing
 
my friend came home really drunk, and it was only 9 at night. he thinks his parents are not home, so him and this chick go into the shower, when he walks out, his mom is standing there, she was in the living room right next to the bathroom the whole time and she says "CHARLIE! what on earth are you doing!?" and he's like "chill mommmm" and she says "what are you doing!? this isnt like you!?" and he says "mom, im like this all the time, you just never see me when im fucked up" he is still grounded. hahaha
 
me and a couple friends were going (my dad was driving) to the movies and my friend was talking about meeting up with a couple girls we know. And jokingly I scream "Dawg we can all get head in the back of the theatre" and my dad just bursts out laughing. it was pretty funny.
 
One time my mom was telling us about how people keep stealing shoes at the gym. And I'm like put a note on them that says you masterbate with them. had no idea what the word meant

Another time my little sister was like damn, it's snowing like a jerk off outside. I was driving and almost crashed.
 
I was at a friends house playing call of duty with a couple of friends. Being confident in my grenade throwing skills i decided to chuck one across the map at my friend while yelling "IF I MAKE THIS JOE HAS TO SUCK MAH DICK!!" i heard a cough and turned around to find my friends mom holding a tray of pizza bites.

at least the pizza bites were good..
 
similar story, i had like 10 people were over and we were playing halo and i had an epic plasma nade stick from across the map and everything and right when my friend blew up i yelled EAT MY PUSSSAAAAAYYYYYY and my mom was in the room next to us and i heard her pause in typing, get up, walk to the door, sigh, and walk back, she never even opened it, i guess she gave up on me as a child
 
i'm sure i've said something worse, but just last week i was out for walk with my mom and there was an unopened condom package lying on the ground.

my mom turned to me and said "oh look, somebody left something behind. do you need one of those kevin?"

and me, the fool i am, said "nah, i'm good, i'm prepared."

she just looked at me funny and said "oh"

"oh shit i didn't mean that i have any or use any or anything i just meant that i don't think i'm old enough yet or whatever yet"

really awkward. especially since last night i was on facebook talking to this girl i'm digging on and she walked in and asked who i was talking to and looked at my screen really close and asked if she was cute. really awkward.
 
this thread is awesome

one time in like 5th grade my mom asked what a condom was at the time i knew it had to do eith sexs i just didnt know its purpose so i just smiled then kept doing what i was doing
 
Actually get your parents to text you when they want to talk when your out at night. I know my ass has been safe a couple times from a completely fucked up phone convo to a fucked up text hah.
 
Hahah, I did ask my mom about the excact same thing only that I said "oral sex".

me: "mom, what's oralsex?"

mom:"eeehh,that's when you have sex with your mouth."

So after my mom said sex with the mouth, I thought she ment kissing.

So a couple of weeks later at school, I ask my teacher if he ever have had "oral sex". I still don't know if he have had oralsex :<

At the age of 9, I did ask so many things like that to my mom :]
 
well...when i was a bit younger...i called my lil bro and sis a pussy cause they were too scared to jump in the pool. and then they ran to my mom to ask what a pussy was,,,,

she said it was a cat...
 
i was listening to cunninlyguists in my room and my mom walked in and was like, what are you listening to doug? i kinda like it. and i was like, cunninlyguists. she went on to tell me that it means when you lick a womans vagina. i was like, i know mom. she left and decided she didnt like the music anymore.
 
When i was in 8th grade and me and my parents were out to dinner and we were talking about colleges with funny names, so i go; "oh, and whats that one...oh yea! anal roberts!, i mean oral roberts.. oh fuck, my parents just kinda stared.
 
ok well i have a few. when i was a sophomore in highschool i got grounded for some stupid shit n i wasnt allowed to see my girlfriend so one night i was going on a art school trip and so was my gf it was like extra credit for class or w.e so i pick her up in my moms car take her to the movies and then after words we went for a ride. so on the ride we pull over and "do the deed" need less to say the next day my mom calls me into the garage....... opend the back boor on her car and pointed to a condom stuck to the door.... with not a second to spear i ripped it off the door and held it up to the lignt and said mom theirs not even anything in it... and she goes yea. thats because its all dried up lmao that was the worst.

then with my last girlfriend the second time we did "the deed" the condom broke n her mom found out. she sat me down and began to give me a condom instruction show. let me tell you FUCKING WEIRD!

also at my graduation party w. the same girl my mom decided to walk into my room witch was in the basement, began to look around the room and then found i and my girlfriend naked under the covers... the shitty part about it is i locked all of my drunk ass friends in the walk in closet and wash room and just forgot to lock the door at the top of my steps. need less to say momz wasnt happy.

i have plenty more but its 5 am and i want to sleep.

 
in 2nd grade i learned a new word. i figured it meant bass-poop, so i used it and called my little brother as bastard. then my dad. and also my grandma.... it was a REALLY bad day
 
AHAHA ok so i was at dinner with my friend and her dad at this really good restraunt called BJ's. It was my reccomentdation, and when we started eating we were all talking about how good the food was. So without even realizing it i say " i think everyone loves BJ's, even my little brother does and hes only 5" and they both start just busting up, out of control, and i had no idea what i had just said. Ahaha so shes like "so you really like BJ's then huh?" and that time i thought she was talking about blowjobs so i was like... "what?" haha man and then it clicked, and i just was laughing out of control. (but seriously guys BJ's is really good :D )
 
Ok so this happened a couple of weeks ago and im 16, i get back from my gf's house at like 11 and theres this buzzing from my sisters room (where my mum is sleeping because my gran is staying over and useing her room) so im like shit what if my mums being electricuted or something (stupid i know) so i call "mum are you alright" she dosent respond so i run in. Shes sat on the floor legs open and the buzzings comeing from between her legs and i just turn around and walk straight back out hearing her say havent you heard of knocking. Now theres 2 theorys that me and my m8s have either she was shaving her pubes or useing a dildo... tbh i dont know which is worse. I go into my bed room throw myself onto my bed and laugh my head off untill i fall asleep.

The next day my mum said nothing... i said nothing... it was so awkward. I went to the gym and when i got back what do i see? my gran with her saggy boobs gettin out the shower... i walk straight on past and dive into my room.

About a year ago i decided i was guna go into my bros room to steal his xbox. So i walk in without knocking hes sat under... UNDER his pool table dick in hand beating the shit out of that thing (tbh i was a little prowd of him) once again i just turn around and hear the now familliar words of havent you heard of knocking.

Thats basically all the sexual embaressing shit thats happened to me apart from walking in on my mum and dad when i was younger!

OSHIT i forgot my gf's brother walked in on her/his mum and dad having sex and climbed on top and rode them like a horse giggling! Looooool

(all of this is true and im sorry if im abit graphic i just find it all very hillarious)
 
When i was like 7 a kid a recess learned the word bastard and other words. So at dinner my brother was telling a story and i sad "AWW THAT BLOODY FUCKING BASTARD!!!!" I had a irish accent on. And i had NO CLUE what it meant. Then my mom and brother paused and i was like what? And they were like he's fine doesn't know what it means. And i remember it still
 
When i was a jr in high school, my friend and i made a big batch of pot brownies. He took them and hid them in a drawer in his room. His mom comes in his room and is rummaging around. who knows why. She sees these brownies and decides it's a good idea to eat 2 of them. She then leaves and goes shopping. Keep in mind, this woman has never smoked before, she doesn't drink alcohol even. After an hour or so, she's getting reallly fucked up, and so her friend takes her to the hospital. They run test after test, and don't know what could possibly be wrong, until they run toxicology tests and find massive amounts of THC in her system. They ask her.. are you a pot smoker? and she's like WTF no way! i'm a school teacher blah blah. By this point my friend has realized the brownies had gone missing, heard that his mom was in the hospital, and had gone and buried them. I dono why he buried them, he's not the sharpest guy. Later on though, he visits his mom in the hospital, and she's like... everything is soo surreal. and he's like omfg, my mom is fucking baked.

Sounds like something straight out of american pie haha
 
hah thats first one is awsome!

as for one of mine, not something i said but a friend of my dads

we were plyingin a scramble golf tourney, adn this reallllly hot cart gorl come over, and she had a "skirt" i wouldnt even call it that se ma have well just have been wearing panties. adn they all go over buy some beer and such. as soon as she leaves this guy goes to me, my dad and this other guy, all three of them are married, and yealls like" did you see her camel toe!, and for the rest of the day adn night keeps bringing it up. then at dinner he says something and all the adults at the table(all married guys, there were like 5 other guys playing in the tourney that we all know from skiing so we had dinner with em) are like we dont even know what camel toe is. so the guy is like chris you know what it is right!, like elbowing me and i had to explain it to al these old guys. it wasnt funny to them they were lsemi pissed at the guy for sayin that shit haha.
 
oh i have another one. a few years ago i was watching porn in my room on my computer. i was lying on my bed and there's a big window behind my bed that's kinda like a mirror. so i pause the pr0n when my mom walks in and it's a still of this chick with massive tits getting plowed by some hairy dude but i assume that because i'm on the wall side she can't see the screen. so she walks in and just kind of pauses and is looking out the window and it's dark in the room and outside so i look up and in the reflection of her glasses is the still on my computer screen. it got majorly reflected in the window and she was just staring at it, i was quick to tell her it was a scene from a movie i was watching, as as she was walking out she kinda muttered, "what genre?"

also, i was beating off in my room one night and i'm wearing noise canceling headphones for maximum sound quality and i'm hearing it fine but it sounds a little weird. i look down at my speakers and my headphones aren't plugged in. so my computer was on full volume blasting these porn sounds and it was so loud i could hear it fine through noise canceling headphones. my parents were "sleeping" in the next room

also i was at a friends house and he left the room to take a shit so we ordered every single porn video in on demand we could find to fuck with him. so his dad went to resume a movie and under saved programs it had like 30 porn vids let alone when he got the cable bill a month later they all showed up. his parents give him so much shit for it and he still doesn't really know what they're talking about
 
I'm not sure if anyone has posted a story like this or if i already posted it but...

I was in sixth grade and didn't know what the scientific name for boobs was. I having trouble with my health homework, so I asked my dad what mammary glands were. He laughed and told me to ask my mom what they were. So I asked her and my dad and brother started cracking up.

Good news: They haven't mentioned it in a while (years), and i now know the scientific name for boobs.
 
last year my parents and me went to a family friends house for dinner, and like usual, they always have a little bit too much to drink and its liek 8:00 and they are like its time to go and tehn 3 hours later we finaly leave. ok now after they had a couple drinks, they were talking about sex and stuff. real akward for me sitting there. then my mom turns to me and says, "pete, make sure you bring condoms with you to college" i was liek, oh k, thanks mom. akward for me
 
i was at a friends and he was acting like an idiot and pulled his pants up high, he starts yelling " i have a camel toe" and his mom was right behind him. funny shit
 
So im grounded cause i got busted, and when i was out with my mom, my dad went through my room turned it upside down When i came back, my mom asked if i noticed, and i said "yeah, but im really suprised he didn't find my bong. I mean the thing is like 2 feet tall"
Apperently it was too soon to make that joke.
 
So for my art class ceramics project in the 10th grade. I decided to make a bong. It turned out to be pretty sick, and you could tell it was a bong even my art teacher made jokes about it. So when i brought it home i drilled a hole in it for the slide. I hid the bong in my room. So i lost my camera a couple months later. My mom was looking through my room for my camera. When i got home my mom was waiting for me "Ben...what is this" i go "uhhh...WHY WERE YOU LOOKING THROUGH MY ROOM! I WAS GOING TO GIVE THAT TO YOU AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT BUT NOW YOU FOUND IT AND I CANT ANYMORE!!" and then i stormed off into my room. My mom actually came into my room, and apologized for the finding it. She even said that she would still like it for her birthday.... when her birthday came around i wrapped it up, and gave it to her. She unwrapped it in front of my whole family. . Everyone in my family just looks at me like did he really just fucking do that. My mom passed it around to everyone, my brothers, dad, and my grandma. They were all smiling as they complimented me on it. Then my dad goes "sooo ben... what is that hole for" i told them it was an air bubble that exploded in the kiln. So right now, there is a special "vase" sitting on the table in my dining room, for everyone to see. My older brother still gives me shit for it.
 
"well i have three story's, they are not to embarrassing but still pretty funny. there a little bit off subject though.

1)so me and my friend josh are up at my buddy jareds house, and its like 1:30 ish in the AM, and my friend josh in the past hour had stolen jareds dads porno mags and stuff and was super high and had passed out on the couch, well jareds dad come down stairs and shakes josh and is like "josh you a little baked?" and josh rolls over and is mumbles some stuff and proceeds to through the porn mags at him. well of course jareds dad is like "wtf are these mine?" and then takes the pornos and walks back upstairs. anyways the next morning we are all watching family guy and stuey says something like why dont we all just light up a joint and watch porn; after that his dad brings up the incedent of the previous night and i laugh my ass off for the next 20 minutes.

2) so i was skiing with some friends from cross country, and we are seshing this BC jump. anyways after a while the landing is ruined so we go to pack it out. well then my friend braden finds this pipe in the snow and is like sweet! and stuffs it into his pocket. after another hour or so he forgets about it and we go to get lunch. we go through the line and braden reaches into his pocket for his money and pulls out the pipe and is like oh crap and the cashier gives him a really weird look. he shoves it back into his pocket and pulls out the money which smells like weed and he hands it to the lady. she then smells it and puts it into the cashbox thingy. i laughed pretty hard. it was kinda weird.

3)so im at cross country the other day, but i cant run because i have a messed up IT band. and im texting this girl and this kid comes up and steals my phone and starts hitting on the girl, its pretty funny and we are all laughing, and then my couch comes up and is like" tell her you sleep naked." it was so weird, funny stuff though.
 
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