Most embarrasing thing you have ever said to you parents

So this didn't happen to me but while sleeping over at my friend's house, in the middle of the night one of my other friends starts jerking it in the bushes outside. I'm not sure why exactly but anyways, he's just finished when friends dad walks out in a wife beater and whitey tighteys and tells them to stop being so loud. So they all think he doesn't suspect anything until they wake up in the morning and see a bottle of lotion on the table and he says "I know what you done boy... I found the lotion in the bushes."
 
ya....happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a cousin of a mothers daughter cousin in law in the bushes who were conceived on chads gap in the middle of a snow storm in the middle of the amazon gorilla war fare
 
this just happened to me tonight

so i call my mom whos visiting my grandma, uncles, cousins and it goes like this

me: hey mom

mom:oh john were opening gifts right now! lemme pass the phone around!!!!

me:no mom dont do that come on

uncle steve: hey john how you doin you gotta come visit us! well heres your couzin zach

zach:hey whats up john?

me:nada man, i just got out of work, how fuckin gay is that

(my bro in the background): your on speaker phone you idiot

me:immedialy hang up haha.

my moms a bitch. merry xmas !
 
tehehehehe

in the car and my mom is like "michael, do you know what 69 is?"

me being the sweet kid she knws says " no mom what is it?" haha

she was like "oh nothing...just some kids at shcool made fun of someone for it"

haha true story
 
so me an a couple people are havin a couple beers in the basement, when i hear my dad come down stairs. i try to quietly place my bottle on the floor behing the couch, but could not do so, and it made quite a loud noise. i had just opened this one, so i also had the bottle opener in my hand. he goes over to the couch, finds the beer, sees the bottle opener and says "you know those are twist tops right?" and walks back upstairs.

my dad can be pretty damn cool
 
drunk,still with clothes soaked in beer and tequila i yelled to my mom "why do you act so stupid about the drinking thing? i dont drink, AT ALL"

passed out, and was hungover for a day or so
 
yeah seriously, jake would pull something like that.

I guess for me it just sucks when your parents come home after a long weekend to find condom wrappers on the floor in random places in the house.
 
when i was like 11 my dad called me his little schmekle(i think thats how u spell it) he found out later what it meant and we still bug him
 
i have a better one

this one guy i think his name was shawn. he told a story about his friends touching his dick and trying to give him a boner

oohhhhhhh
 
one morning i got up still a little drunk and i had super intense morning wood. so i go to get a cup of coffee in my boxers thinking my parents arent home cause they are usually gone by then. so im walking around the house in boxers and a t-shirt and my dick keeps popping out of the hole in my boxers and i yell "fuck i hate morning wood" and my mom yells "what was that will?" and then starts laughing her ass off
 
yeah same here, why do they think any girl i kick it with is something so serious
oh an one of my embarrassing storiesI was blackout drunk at my cousins house, pased out in the bathroom by the kitchen, woke up the next morning at 6:00 am walked into the kitchen to my uncle making breakfast, I thought it was still the night before, and asked if they were all still up, he looks at me and goes, "uhh why dont you go to bed youre covered in puke." At every family function from then on they referred to me as pukie. it sucked
 
my brother was jerking off to porn with his head phones on, my grand parents walked in to say hello and had a fit a ran down and told told my parents...mean while my brother is still jerking off because he couldnt hear them.....my parents walked in and he was still jerking off because he couldn't hear or see them and they ended up having to tap him on hte should to get him to stop......our family will never be the same again
 
So one day i was raunchy as hell so i went to my downstairs and popped up this full blown picture of some nude chick and started stroking my shaft. Soon enough my mom walks down and walks in to the room and yells "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT!!!!" and with my dick still in my hand and the picture still up i turn towards her, trying to block the picture with my body and tell her, " I'M looking at EBAY mom i swear." Then she walked away and i finished off.
 
So once when i was about 4 i was in the car saying different words and putting stuff on the end of them. So i was saying stuff like buckit, duckit, nuckit, that kind of shit and then i said FUCK-IT my mom turned around and told me never to say that word again. Three minutes later i proceeded to walk into the bank and begin to yell FUCKIT, i yelledit like 20 times before my mom could reach me. it was hillarious
 
I was with my boyfriend and his dad and they got into an argument it went like this

B f"gee dad you're no good with your hands"

Dad "I'm better than you."

Bf "probs but brooke(me) is amazing with her hands you should have seen her last night"

Dad Stunned silence.
 
one time, my uncles new girlfriend made me and my family dinner, unannounced to me of course. So when my mm puts some sort of like gloopy glop on my plate i was like "get that jello nonsense off my plate, i'm not eating that" and shes just like .....

It was funny.
 
a couple of weeks ago i was getting my ski stuff out the car and my mom was driving and as i leaned in i mumbled "fuck" under my breath. i looked up and she was just staring at me so i said "shit" under my breath. i then just closed the door and hit the slopes. i like to think she has forgotten about the incident
 
I was at a festival some years ago. got really wasted, so when I met up with my parents they were like

mom: 'Jonathan, are you drunk?'

me: 'no, I swear. I can prove it.'

mom: 'how'

me: 'your not drunk if you can still do math. 6+10 is 60, see'

we then got into an argument because i insisted that 6+10 was 60, while my parents insisted it was 16. I stormed off, yelling back at them 'mom, dad. go back sto school - your math sucks ass'

well, the next day I met parents and they just looked at me, then my dad asked me if I had fun..

I was 15.

 
One time I was talking to my parents about some shitty bitch teacher I had. I was, "like yea shes such a bitch, she ATE OUT tracy for no reason yesterday." i meant to say chewed out.............................

Another time my dad found porn on my computer, he was like Jake have you been looking at porn again, I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS DAD WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK IM LOOKIN AT THAT SHIT.......He pointed to a picture of a guy jizzing on a girls face and was like whats this..........I was like ALRIGHT DAMN YOU GOT ME..........AGAIN....FUCKKKKKK and I just walked away...........My computer was taken away for 8 months haha
 
There was a verbal fight at school in 5th grade, and one kid called these 2 kids butt buddies, well I went home, and later i was just playing with my dog, and talking to it...and saying like "good dog" and that type of shit, but then i was like "your my butt buddy."

My mom turned to me and she was like WHAT?!?!?!

and i was like :"I said, your my buddy" I didnt know what it ment but by her reaction it seemed bad. lol
 
my is a lot like the guy on speaker phone with their parents. my mom called wanting to talk to me while i was here at school and said they have company, now... that should have been a hint that i was on speaker phone but i was slightly high and drunk so it didnt register. i was talking with them then my gf comes in, sees me on the phone, doesnt realize its my parents and then starts sticking her hands in my pants, kissing up on me, and she ends up squeezing my balls a little too tight and basically i said something to the extent of "damnit, stop squeezing my balls." and i get the typical response from my mom of a gasp then i hear my dad... "hey, watch your language, we have your adopted grandmother over right now." quick oh shit and then a very quick goodbye and i hang up the phone. my dad laughs about it but my mom still freaks the fuck out about that night.
 
when i was in kindergarten our teacher read up this story about this one kid who was kind of a bad ass. one of the things that made his such a hard core lil gangsta was that he never wore his rain boots, even when it was rainy. however, apparently the author was british, because instead of "rain boots" they used the word "rubbers." so when i asked my mom why its a big deal when you dont wear your rubbers, she flipped out
 
I was flying out to BC when I was in grade 10 with my mom and my bro. As were walking through security the lovely lady is reminding us that you cannot take liquids on the plane anymore. I rummaged through my carry on bag and couldnt find any liquids so I proceeded through the security check. I made it through the metal detector just fine but an old Pakistanian man pulled me aside and said "you have liquids on you." I said "ney I do not" and he proceeded to flip the x ray screen around and show me 8 half empty mini bottles of booze. I forgot them in my stash pocket after coming home from a buddies cottage. I pulled them out to show him just in time for my mother to look over my shoulder, shake her head, and burst out laughing. Needless to say I was insanely embarressed and she gives me mad hell every time we go through security in an airport now.
 
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