Most embarrasing thing you have ever said to you parents

i didnt actually say this in front of my parents but i was super embarrassed about it...

so i had just moved from 5th grade to junior high and it was a few days before school was supposed to start and they had a tour or whatever for incoming 6th graders so they wouldnt be lost and would be able to find thier classes and open lockers and all that jazz...

well anyway we go thru the whole tour and at the end they asked if anyone had any questions, and me being the genius i am, raised my hand and asked if recess was before or after lunch?

for those of you who dont know what recess was, its where you go outside and run around and play soccer or football or basketball or whatever during the school day.

anyway, needless to say the whole group of like 70-80 kids and like 10 adults laughed thier ass off at me and i wanted to go kill myself hahaha

kids teased me bout that all thru junior high lol
 
well... i have just recently discovered the wonder of "thats what she said" jokes, so i make them all the time. and some are ridiculously shameless. then my mom made one. and i wanted to throw up.
 
i was watching this movie in engineering cuz we had nothing to do and it was about this orphan

so in the movie hes like i know my real mom loved me and i was like yeah right she dropped you ass so she could get some meth, and this girl was like i was an orphan. i felt soooo bad
 
when i was younger i yelled trojan man! at the dinner table. my mom gave me the sex speech but i seriously thought the trojan man was a super hero
 
Ok so one time fer like two weeks whenever my friend said something to me i'd just say something about having sex with his sister. So finally one day in english he got fed up and punched me in the arm. It didnt really hurt but i yelled really loud just to get him in trouble, so the teacher asks wat happened and im like "he punched me super hard." and shes like Tim y would u do that and hes like " he kept saying that he had sx with my sister" So she talks to us out of class for a minute and i just denied it. So she sends us to the office and we talk to the vice principle and hes like so wat did u say? So i said nothing and he says "no i know u said somethin" and Tim is like, "he said he did sexual stuff with my sister" so the vice principle says what did u say? and i say "sexual stuff". Then ha asks for more details and im like "i said i had sex with his sister". Then he says no no, u said more than that". Anyways, i basically had to tell everything i had said about Tims sister and then had to have the same talk with my dad. Really awkward and embarasing. Thankfully now its a funny story to tell.

Also the other night im super baked eating dinner with my family and my sister tells this big long story and at the end im like "Why the fuck would you say that all twice?" adn shes like "wat r u talkin about?" so i say " o shit my bad, i mut hav missheard you." Ya that was kinda funny.
 
Not to my parents but first day of english this year we had a bitch of a teach right? So anyways like 4 weeks later we get this new, ypung hot teacher. Shes like 24 and i recognize her from somewhere but i cant remebmber where. She asks something about aberdeen elementary school (my school from k-7) and says "does anyone know mrs.kaeser?" She was my grade 6 teacher and i go "yeah, whatta a head case!" I start laughing and a girl that was on that class to does but my teacher just stares me down. I was like shit what did i do, then she goes "Thats my mom!"

AHHHHHH fuck, i couldnt believe i said that, also thats when i saw her, in gr.6. She does not like me that mych. haha
 
there was this porn picture in a locker in the boys locker room in grade 6 and some gay kid shut it and locked the locker so i picked the lock to get it and showed it to my boyz and they gay kid who shut the locker told on me and i had to call my mom and say what i did. and the whole time i was in the principles office i said i threw it away and it was really in my pocket i was so scared, what a little fucker i was.
 
alright so i was driving up to schweitzer with my parents and my cousin who was 20 at the time, i was in 4th grade. i really wanted a place up there. so i told my dad we should get a condo. except i accidentally said we should really get a condom. they all started laughing, and it sucked
 
so last year after christmas dance we all go to a party and i get pretty thrashed. when i get home i am still drunk and i run into the fence. i get to the door shake my head put my sober face on and walk in. lucky for me my mom and grandma are sitting in my front room talking. but me being a champ at playing it off say the dance was good i'm tired good night.

of course i have to pee like seven times in ten minutes and my bedroom is downstairs and the closest bathroom is right by the front room. finally my mom asks if i've been drinking so i say yes. (she knows i drink so she wasn't mad) but then she made me talk to her and my grandma forever right by the christmas tree and the lights were tripping me out and they kept asking me what i drank and stuff like that

but my mom showed me my i pod early so it was a good night
 
when i was in grade 5 i had a cold and when my mom asked waht was wrong with my voice i said that i was going thrue puberty and that my voice was changing

a few weeks ago i come homw from a party kinda drunk and my mom asks "how was your night?"

i then replied really loud "IT FUCKIN SUCKED, MY GIRLFRINED WAS BEING A STUPID BITCH"

i then kinda ran away into my room and hid after i reliezed what i said
 
in the 4th grade i ahd spanish class an we were doing dora the explorer and i drew boobs on boots the monkey. so the kids in my class who have not changed one bit and tell the teacher for every little thing, told the teacher. so i had to show my parents and my 4th grade teacher the picture. that was kinda bad. but the worst was during the baseball season we were on the bus and we held a kid down and i whiped ball sweat on his face. so i got suspended for a game and having to live with the embarrsament with my coach, teachers, and family.
 
so i was at a restaurant two days ago with my family and a bunch of family friend who are basically my family and one of the girls whos a year older then me apparently told her parents about some stories about me when we went to germany with our school, which i wouldnt have a problem with normally, but theyd told they all the other parents there this story of me getting with a german girl. Needless to say after they had all had a few drinks they all ended up talking about our trip. I ended up being both humilated in front of the entire restaurant (they pretty much announced everything to everyone in there) and ill be getting ribbed everytime i see them from now till god knows when

... a lot of weird things happened that day actually including my friend and his dad and i sharing drinking stories (his dad is wicked chill and tells us about all sorts of crazy shit he did in college)
 
I was at my buddy's house just chilling and we hear his dad yell Taylen get in here! from the computer room. We both wander into the computer room and his dad's sitting there with my pictures open and theres like 40+ pictures of harry potter porn open. Turns out they had a virus and he was looking thru their computer for it and found all this kids pictures. His dad still hasn't let this go and cracks harry potter jokes every time im over and we burst out laughing and the rest of his family thinks we're nuts. Its awsome
 
^ haha thats funny. i asked my mom when she lost her virginity haha she said it was in puerto rico with this puerto rican guy in betweeen junior and senior year hahahha i was like dying of laughter
 
so one time my brother and his band were opening for a wolfmother concert at a pretty sketchy concert hall near me. so anyway there was also another band that played before my bros band named the fucklords. first of all im embarassed cus we got there super early cus my bro had to set up all the band stuff so no one is there other than like 5 of my friends, my parents and then like ten other people. its super akward listening to this music with my parents there. then they start singing this song that went "its not fist unless the wrist is in!" so my mom was singing along with the small crowd so to save her the embarresment i had to explain to her what fisting was. it was super akward.
 
hahahah not me but a kid on my soccer team, good ass story:

so we got to soccer camp with our one coach, and a chaperone. the chaperone is this kid on our teams dad, and he is pretty badass. so at about 2 in the morning it's basically only seniors and juniors, the coach and the kids dad in the room now. so we are all sharing sex stories, and the kids dad starts telling his stories. which were fucking INSANE if i can add. and ten minutes later on a totally different topic the kid goes...wait, dad...were those stories about MOM?! his dad goes, kc...i think it's time for you to go back to your dorm. hahahahahahaha we lost it.
 
i just spent a all of today reading ever single post well whenver i went on ns iread some but this is classic i need more but i dont have any
 
ok so it was my 16th birthday and 2 of my friends were over.

we decided to bring out my tent and camp out in the yard. so at like 11 when my parents went to bed we proceeded to bake out the tent so much so that we couldnt see a hand in front of our face. haha.

then when we were all baked out of our minds we got out of the tent and made a fire in my fire pit and started cooking hot dogs and shit. we left the tent closed so all the smoke was still in there. then all of a sudden my mom comes out and is like is this your tent, lemme see it and she starts walking around it trying to open it and we're all just like we're fucked. then me being high out of my mind i say "mom come look at our campfire, isn't it pretty" then she comes over and says yeah it's great then goes back up to the house. after she left we went and smoked more. haha it was epic
 
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