Most embarrasing thing you have ever said to you parents

One day i was in my room with my mom and I had just gotten a new bed and I was telling her how nice it was to not have to hang my feet off the end (I'm 6'3 and i had a wee little bed.) and all that and then for some reason i decided that it would be a good idea to tell her that now that i had a nice new bed i had to find someone to enjoy it with me. she sure didn't think it was as funny as me.
 
today i was surfing tv channels while my mom was eating breakfast.

i came across the chrinicles of narnia

and without thinking i exclaimed

"hey! it's the chronic! what-cles of narnia"

i have no idea what my mom thinks of all the pot smoking remarks i make
 
not to my parents but a little funny none the less

so when i was in 3rd grade it was the end of the year and we all got yearbooks. everybody went around signing each others saying have a great summer and some kids went around signing "F.A.G.S."-find a girl soon. so me, thinking i so cool and not knowing what a fag was, went up to my teacher's chalkboard when he wasn't there and wrote a big fat FAGS across his chalkboard cause he had told us that he didnt have a wife at one point. I walk outta there thinking im all cool and get into to my moms car and decide to tell her what i did. that was the day that I learnt my teacher was gay.
 
so me and and my g mom went to go see jackass the movie when i was 8 and i wasnt suposed to tell her so i come runni in the door and i yell i saw jackass and my mom said what the fuck

 
so when i was a little kid the song roses was released by outkast.

i remember knowing most of the words but being skeptical about the meaning of some of them

i figured they weren't bad because they were in the edited version of the song

so my brother was doing something and me and my mom were in the room (he was looking under a table for something) and without thinking i say

dude you look like a prostitute (i don't know why. i honestly don't know)

my mom turns and looks me in the eye and goes WAT

and im all like

nuting, why do you osk? (love guru voice)

that was the first embarrassing moment i remember haha i think its funny and i dont think she remembers it either
 
I said douche when i was like ten and my mom was like " do youn know what that is??"

needless to say, I got a full description. scarring fo sure.
 
i wasnt the one to actually say this to my parents but its so fucking funny i have to share...
I have a friend who plays lacrosse and now goes to VMI a few years ago before a lax game he and his girlfriend went to his aunts house when his aunt and her family was out of town. anywayy so him and her and doing dirty stuff in the bed and then he blows his load alllll over the sheets. he then realized he was late for his lacross game and just left the mess there in the sheets thinking he would clean it later. Well the kids dad and mom went over to there aunts house before the game to make sure everything was locked and clean....oh the horror.....well the kids dad found the sheets and was immediately like GODDAMNIT BRENNAN ok now here is what he had to tell his parents......

......i went over to take a nap before the game but i was having a wet dream and when i woke up i had to finish myself off...im sorry dad.....

 
This wasnt me but this kid from my school who says everything technical said to a kid with a laser pointer "Dont put that in my rectum!!" Meaning retina

What a retard
 
the most awful thing that has happened by far was:
it was the last week of school and i was about to graduate my dad decided he would be chill and let me go out every night during the week as long as i didn't drink. eazy as cake i thought i'll just drink as soon as i get there and then relax before i have to go home. the first 3 nights worked out well i mainly just smoked but for some reason on thursday i drank from 6-10 and thought that i could be sober by 10:45. BIG MISTAKE...so i come home and walk in the door and my this is the convo:
dad: "oh jesus aimee, how much did you have to drink?" me: "dad, chill i'm totally sober. i swear i didn't have anything." dad: "don't tell me to chill, just tell me how much"me: "mk fine i had one beer"so throughout this convo i'm thinking shit i really gotta pee like really badand welp then it happened peed my pants right in front of my dad
dad: "hahahahah that sucks aim, i almost believed you but (in billy madison voice) YOU BLEW IT"
 
One time when I was really little and didn't 'know what it meant I said to my old step-dad (my mom divorced him) "Well then, SCREW YOU!" just because he wouldn't come to the pool with us. I told my sister what i said and she made me call him and apologize. I also got home really pissed one time and my mom was like whats wrong? and i just yelled out "its the FUCKIN BITCH WHORE OF A MEGAN!" long story just i really hated that girl but my mom just got this look on her face and walked out of the room. then another time me and my mom got in a fight and i told her to fuck off and a few other things which was weird saying that to my mother but she said it back so i suppose she didnt care
 
A kid in my science class in grade 8 said orgasm instead of organism

When I was like three I asked my dad "Why is my penis longer in the morning?" He goes "If you sleep on your stomach blood goes in" "So then if I turn over it should go away?" "ummm.. Yeah"
 
When i was about 17 or so after a heavy night drinking I came home and forgot my key so i had to ring the door bell and when my mom answered it and asked where the hell i had been all night. However I was barely able to form a sentence. So my mom said "your too drunk, we will talk about this in the morning", i then proceeded to stand up tall, point my finger at her and say "Im not too drunk, YOUR TOO SOBER!". Lets just say it was an awkward breakfast in the morning and sadly at the time it made perfect sense to me.
 
haha i just read like six pages of this. and there were people in the room and i was trying to stifle my laugh and eventually my friend is like "whats so funny dude?" and comes over and we' ve both been cracking up for the better part of an hour on this
 
Well I have been laughing my ass off for the past while and still only on the third page and need to my-threads this to continue enjoying the hilarity. Haha great. I'll post a story (lame as it will be) once I read all this thread.
 
one time when i was hella young my family just got back from a car ride, we pulled into the driveway and for some reason i said "ahhh im gonna go pleasure myself!". I didn't have a clue what it meant and thought it was literal but my entire family went dead silent and looked at me
 
i was about to post this exact same thing, except it was in 6th grade and no one in the class knew what it meant except a few kids so most of the kids just laughed like did while watching "whose line is it anyways" when i was younger. and the teacher just covered up her laugh.
sorry, too much detail
recently me, my brother and my dad were sitting next to each other. i said to my brother: "your so full of shit youe eyes are brown." my dad was like "what did you say" and i tried to cover it up "uh... your so full of poop.. your eyes are brown" my dad just grinned like an idiot and said "uhh i dont think so" idk it was really awkward for me though. not that embarrasing but thats all i can think of
 
Well a year or two ago I was at a family dinner, like cousins and aunts and uncles and my grand parents. And the topics got a little dirty. Like just a tiny bit. So puberty got mentioned somehow and my little grade 1 and 3 girl cousins went all "Ewww that's gross!" and such. So I thought I'd be the respectable older cousin (probably 15 or 16 at the time) and tell them an explanation to make it seem less disgusting to them. I think I was tired... So I told them that puberty is just the brainchild of two smart gentlemen long ago who encouraged change. Master Pugh, and Master Berty. Aunt goes "Master Berty?" In the most mocking sarcastic way. You know what it sounds like.So I was just super flustered after that. Haha it was pretty embarrassing at the time. Not only was my story going nowhere and of complete retardance, but I had to make a fool of myself too. And I was pretty self-conscious and awkward at the time too to make it more embarrassing.

Oh, and just thinking back to grade 3 when my buddy was in the car sitting next to my mom, there was that song called the thong song. Well he thought it was talking about the sandals so he started singing it super loud "THONG THONG THONG THONG THONG". It was funny because my other friend and I knew what a thong was back then.
Also one of the first times I got drunk I came home real quick to drop off some stuff then went to head out again, thinking my dad was asleep. Turns out he was still awake and my drunk buddy and I went up to talk to him... We started talking about a massive camping trip everyone was going on and how irresponsible everyone was being to drink out there. Talking all seriously about how dangerous and not fun it would be. And how we would never want to be part of that crowd. Then ranting on how it was on native land and how the indians would probably try to kill everyone in their sleep. Then we just left and got even more shittered. Luckily nobody was up anymore when I got back. We never talked about it, but I think my dad knew pretty well what was up. Now he lets me come home as late as I like. Something about enjoying life to its fullest and getting prepared for university. Rad.

There is more but most of it isn't funny at all and is just awkward.
 
they call erasers rubbers. i remeber my english friend asking the art teacher for some rubbers and being very confused when shed loled.
 
around the age of 8 or so my family went on a hike and when we got back i went to the bathroom to take a leak.. i pull down my pants.. probably to my ankles because that was the cool thing... and then i look and there is a tick on my penis. I was like what!?! so i try to get it off.. and it was embedded into my skin.. I was like what do i do.. so on a whim i yell for my mom.. she starts bitching because she's downstairs and can't hear me.. so i freak, run to the top of the stair, with no pants, and yell "there's a tick on my.... uh... (i was embarrassed to say penis...?) penis..." she was like, "flick it off." and i was like "it's stuck!" so she comes up and she can't get it out with a tweezers.. mean while my mom has been touching my penis for the first time i can ever remember for what seems as an eternity, and then she brilliantly suggests putting finger nail polish remover on it... and that does nothing but burn.. and then finally my mom got it out... so demeaning to an 8 year old.. i didn't want to go to dinner that night...
 
my brother once, 17 at the time during dinner takes his fork and starts pounding on his steak..he looks at me and says "rob look im beating my meat"
my mom hears and says "i know what that means."
LOL
 
i changed all the names in my story....

one time, i i was at my friend bobs house, they consider me "family" there because i spend so much time with bob and his little sister sherry (i took her to prom, and her mom always tells me to date her daughter) bobs mom is super fucking hott, and me, bob, sherry, and their mom are sitting in the kitchen when sherry starts talking about this time she walked in on her mom and her new boyfriend having sex, her mom starts denying it with all these ridiculous excuses and then bob joins in saying stuff like "i cant believe you fucked pete! oh my god thats so gross!! and just saying all sorts of other shit, then his mom looks at bob and sherry and just starts yelling all this stuff about every time she has ever walked in on bob or sherry and their bf/gf's and how all of bobs sheets and blankets are really gross and often crusty and wet, and theyre all just sitting there, screming these sex stories about each other across the room, and im just sitting there, eating my fucking waffle, like "wtf is going on right now??" then they all stop and bob is like "haha, stephen looks so scared" and his mom just says "its ok for stephen to hear things like that, hes part of the family now, he should know bout sex lives"

^^^ i dont know how much coherent sense that made

another time, also at bob/sherrys house, i was in the basement with sherry, her guy at the time, and her friend that i was hooking up with at the time, and we were watching a movie, i was on one ouch (that we had puled out into a bed) with her firend and sherry was on the other couch with her guy at the time. her mom walks down first (her mom and her grandma are going to a kid rock/lynyrd skynrd concert later that night) and talks to us about being "good" while they are away that night, but her moms nipples are super hard and poking through her shirt, and sherrys friend just pokes me and points and giggles at the mom, and then sherry just bursts out "holy shit mom, is it a little cold down here or something? and her mom just looks down, then grabs this big tie-dye hanging tapestry thing we use as a door, and covers herself up with it and looks at me (she hates sherrys guy and just ignores him all the time) and just says "sorry you had to see that stephen" and just keeps going on like nothing happened, afterweards her grandma comes down to say goodbye to us all, and as soon as she walks into the room she yells "jesus are you guys having an orgy down here!?"

oh god,, that place is so embarrasing

 
When i was just a wee little thing, my mom took me to the top of the driveway to teach me some safety rules. She tells me "First things first... what do you do when you cross the street?"

and being just a wee little thing, i decided on my final answer as "stop, drop, and roll..?"

and she just laughed... and laughed and laughed... that laugh was the most emotionally deteriorating laugh a human could muster.

it still haunts me to this day
 
when i was in like 7th grade or some shit my grandmother asked me what I was learning about in school and when I was telling her about science class i said "orgasms" instead of "organisms".
 
"Oh yeah, Alice is a total screamer, biter, and scratcher." I was talking to a buddy on the phone and didn't realize my parents were like RIGHT outside of the room. Dinner that night was a wee bit awkward.

"So, Greg... What is college like?"

"Oh, nothing too extreme."

"And who is Alice?"

FFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCkKKKKK
 
i remember flipping my mom off in first grade when i got off the school bus where all the parents were waiting. some of the 6th graders told me to do it. i had no idea what it meant but needless to say she was pissed.
 
one time got a wooden tampon from my skateboard in the front lawn. bleeding real bad cuz i had meshie shorts on. mom checked if it needed stitches. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo awkward.
 
My mom found my pipe and then like a month later sold my tickets to the Snoop/Slightly Stoopid/Stephen Marley/Mickey Avalon Blazed and Confuzed tour because her co worker told her what blazed meant. And she was slightly drunk while explaining the definition of blazed makinging it hilarious. Almost worth not seeing the concert just to hear her try to explain in detail how to get high
 
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