Most embarrasing thing you have ever said to you parents

what? your at college and your parents get pissed at you for sleeping in the same bed as a girl?? that sucks man...

tel em to get over it, i bet they doing the same shit when they were your age.
 
its not oo too funny but more amusing than anything

My friend went out one night and got the hook up. He went back to this girls place and things were really starting to heat up. He had to go to the girls kitchen and get some whipcream from the fridge while she was in the bedroom preparing herself and since he didn't know the place at all he ran into the wall. He didn't think nothing of it and got the whip cream jumped into bed and went down on her. While he was down there he started tasting something funny but passed it off. And then it got worse and real slimey and started to really taste like blood. So he pops up and is like hey your bleeding are you on your rag??? her reply is no that was last week. So he goes back down and it keeps getting worse so he pops up and goes yeah your definatley bleeding. She flicks on the light and Blood is puring out of his nose and is smeared all over his face the sheets and her.
 
I have a funny one. a friend of mine was in france with some buddies and they went to this restaurant. none of them speak french and the people who worked in the restaurant didn't speak english. in the restaurant there was this really hot chic who worked there. one of the guys (not my friend) had gotten food poisoning a couple of days before that and was still feeling a little sketchy. half way through the meal he had to go to the toilet to release some pressure, and he pretty much filled the whole fucking toilet with shit. problem was that the flush didn't work. he felt a bit bad for leaving the toilet like that and thought he should let the owners of the restaurant know about the problem. so he goes out and gets the hot chic, takes her into the bathroom and shows her the toilet with all the shit in it, tries frantically to explain with his body laguage that the flush doesn't work, and by showing that he presses the button and the toilet flushes just fine. so from the hot chics perspective he showes her his shit, like wow look how much I can squeeze out and then flushes.
 
non funny but amusing story

My rugby team went to PEI to play a couple of games one weekend. My teams ages range from 15 - 60 yr olds. They started drinking at the hotel and got all the young guys plastered and left them at the hotel drunk and the legal guys went to the bar except for my friend. He was 16 at the time but looked to be 20. They were going to let him into the bar without checkin for an ID but he was so drunk they wouldn't let him in. So he sat on the curb to wait for the others to finish at the bar. At about 1:00am Fouge who is like 24 comes out with these 2 chicks (20 or so yrs old)and says see "here is my friend who is studing to become a docotr and he is cute like i told you!". So the girls agree and they are going to take Fouge and Jamie(16 year old) back to thier place. So Jamie is sitting in the back mumbling to one of the girls and Fouge is in the front of the car workin his magic with the other girl. They are driving throuh the middle of bumfuck no-where. (if you don't know PEI is flat, grows potatoes and has tons of farms and is all country no cities). Jamie is in the middle of saying something and he is completly trashed realises he is going to puke puts his hand across his mouth and spews. But cause of his hand and projectile vomiting the pressure cuases it to spray through his fingers and it goes all over the car, the girls the windshield etc. The girl driving freaks out and goes int the ditch. Jamie appologises they get out of the car to look at the damage and there is only a scratch and the bumper is puckered. The girls get back in the car and the guys push the car out of the ditch and the girls speed off with out them. So they are wandering around bumfuck nowhere drunk and have no idea where they are going. Fouge is pissed cause he is not getting any ass so he pushes jamie in the ditch. Finally some farmer comes along picks them up and drives them to the hotel. Jamie is still puking and pukes everywhere in the hotel room, the minibar, sink, toliet, both beds, walls, floors etc. then the next day he doesn't rember any of it
 
When I was in my room, I was doin stiff ;)...and i forgot to lock my door...and my mom came in and yea she saw me wackin off to a sears catalog.....Oh yea one time i was caught stealin shit out of my parents liquer cabinet...I was beat
 
u dont even have a porn video u fuckin liar

soe kid im my home and careers class asked my teacher if she was a virgin. shes like 25 and shes pretty hott.

one timei was camopnig and my dad was like we have too much beer, u gotta drink soem cause i dont wanna bring it home(im 13). i was like uhhh. he was like what dont u drink? i was like uhh no. and hes like welll its time to start...its got a low alcohal level
 
I have knocked my gf out too. we were fucking in the back of my parents minivan and she was riding me and I knocked her head against the roof so hard she got knocked out and she had a concussion.

on another note my parents had to replace the entire back suspension of that van. The mechanics couldn't understyand why the front was fine but the back suspension was shot. I guess we will never know! LOL
 
I doubt that you killed the suspention by having sex. I'm calling bullshit. I've had sex in many a car, many a time. Never once have I had suspension problems.
 
my girlfriend and i were watching family guy, and stayed for american dad because we were too tired to move off the couch. so theres a song that lists off just about every part of the female anatomy, from labia to whatever. my dad walks in, sees us laughing at this, looks at us, sticks around for the end of the song, gives us a dirty look then leaves. needless to say, me and her were a bit slow in pretending that all of this was way over our heads.
 
Yeh, collgan’s stories were good to start off with but have become a bit unbelievable, I mean who can believe that he broke the suspension in the back of a van, I’m afraid I’m going to have to side with volklpro for this one.

p.s. thank you for bringing it up, I didn’t have the ball to make that observation myself.
 
I agree with both of you. I probablly dind't break the suspension on the back of the van. We did have to get it replaced though. I just like to believe that I am a wicked lay and I have sex so much I broke it so lay off and let me have my fantasy. LOL

I agree that it wasn't my fault and I exagerated that part of the story.

The rest is true and so are the rest of my stories. Life is funny.

sorry to anyone i offended for exagerating about the suspension ;P
 
a friend of mines mum is like that.

we were drinking at his place (we were like 15) and she comes home-i thought we were busted cos my mums pretty strict

(yelled between my friend & his mum)

'what you guys doing?'

'drinking'

'drinking what?'

'beam'

'how much is left?'

'like 2/3 of a bottle'

'hang on a sec'

she comes up the stairs, pours herself a tall glass, says thanks & goes downstairs

that was one of the funnier things that happened to me.

his dads downright scary though, at any moment it feels like he's ready to just go off & beat the shit out of you.
 
so i had this porno in like 9th grade but i hid it and forgot where i put it. basicly we moved last month and i opened a box my mom pack a low and behold there it is sitting on top( its been about 3 years) haha i was just liek oo shit. but we havent talked about it much now its in our family dvd collection. also my mom came home when i was fucking my girlfriend and i walked up stairs after she left and she asked how it was i just turned around and went back down stairs. and i got caught wackin it in like 5th grade and my mom talked to me about it for a good 3 hours it was very awckward sp luckily i dont really remember it.
 
o ya and i told my mom one night on the phone that i couldnt talk because i was having sex, i was really drunk. she was just like alright have fun call me when ur done.

volklpro has the best stories
 
another one my grandma caught we whackin it that was not cool and my girlfriends mom asked me about having sex with her daughter that was awkward too and shes a milf haha i just wanted to be like hey you wanna know what your daughter does with me?
 
hmmmmm. any sexual comments i make that seems funny at the time but when i look back on it later, i think 'hmmmmm, why the hell did i say that. my parents must feel weird'. so i feel pretty weird knowing that THEY feel weird about what i said.
 
wait and one that doesnt have to do with sex, my parents are really gullible about somethings. one night i was at a party with my friends(back int he day when i used to drink) and i had this really old ass explorer with liek 350,000 miles barely ran my parents bascily said i could do wutever i wanted to it, so this night we were all drunk and then one of my friends just booted my truck then well basicly everyone just started to beat the shit out of it, one of my friends ran at it from like 100 feet away and then just punched it in the tail gate like 5 times and hed fall down after each one and lay there for like 10 mins then hed get up and say i gotta do this for myself i gotta hit it again, so ya long sotry short we dented the shit out of it then the next day when i get home my parents are liek uh wut happened to the truck still hung over i reply "uhh i hit a deer" there like ok, keep in mind theres dents all the way around the truck basicly every where imaginable. so the next week my parents have a little party and there friends all no im full of shit and there like " so i heard you hit a deer" then they laughed , then all of a sudden my mom bursts in no he really did! , then i just turn around and run away giggling like a little school girl it was really funny
 
So I went to Vail when I was in 4th grade....maybe 5th grade. Yeah. My dad and I went and met up with two of his friends and stayed in a friend's condo. One of my dad's friend's is single, and always looking for some action. He found an old friend of his and she skied with us. After skiing, she had a few too many blue moons. We were returning our skis because it was the last night, and she was so drunk. She came up and was all in my face and said "Hey hunny, maybe we can ski sometime without Andrew always trying to teach us. Come back soon." (Andrew was my dad's friend....and he was the kind of guy who was always trying to give you skiing pointers).....We leave the shop and are walking to the car and I was talking to my dad about how she had had too much to drink. Then I said, "Dad, I think she might be horny."....my dad was mad and goes "Joseph! You are in 4th grade. Don't ever say that again!" It was funny.
 
^not to impressed... i thought it was going to end with you kooking up in 4th grade and your dad walking in, and being like your a pimp.
 
"but we havent talked about it much now its in our family dvd collection.

and i got caught wackin it in like 5th grade

"

you have a fucked up family dvd collection.

and youd hit puberty by grade five?! what is this
 
Oh God fucking funniest story yet by far. I had one of those loud shrieking spasm laughs. LOL I bet the hot chick was impressed though I hear they like that in France.
 
i think my mum/mom would be relived if she caught me drinking, she’s eternally worried that I’m too unusual and there’s something wrong with me.
 
So when I was 4 I was taking a bath, and got my first boner (that I can remember) so being 4 and not quite understanding what was going on I yelled until my mom came in and said "my penis is stuck!" so she goes oh god and walks out and I start crying cause im little and scarred then I run out of the tub soaking wet and hug my dad while I still have a boner. this incident scarred me for life and I believe it led to my parents divorce a year later.
 
haha, ya, when i was like 4 i got a boner and i was like "daddy, when your peepee sticks up, you can make it go back down if you push on it hard enough"
 
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