Worst sex exsperiences thread!

i had this gf and wed fuck all the time in the back seat of her car. but when id take her pants off this gnarly smell would pretty much fill up the car so id never go down on her. just get the dick wet cuz stanky puss aint no good. turns out it was her smelly ass feet. so moral of story is odor eaters need to be sold in pairs with douche kits.
 
lets get this going, its sad look at the views vs. the posts lol

oh i have a story from lass night too this girl started touchin my dick and then her ride home had to go :@
 
I was really drunk one night and ended up getting head from some girl that was also quite drunk, and I ended waking up the next morning with a cock covered in battle scars.
 
ok pretty much completely blackout....tripped all day then started slamming beers at like 7....when i came down i was utterly and outrageously hamboned. me and this chick were hookin up then finally made it to the bedroom (donno how, way too drunk to hit on anyone). we get at it, then  we're on the one side of my bed and i'm on an airmatress so i feel the other end kinda lift off the box spring....i mutter some shit trying to get her to move over and instead the entire bed just flips over along with sending us flying across the room hitting our heads  on this freeezer.....wow that was crazy, so like any man on a mission we flip the bed and put it back and start goin at it again....now thinkin in the back of my head, wtf would happen if that happened again...well sure enough i get that same feeling of the bed lifting off the box spring and pretty much grabbed her by the mid section and tried to throw her to th e other side.......nope....too late, we go down ONCE again.....then just finished on the flooor...guess u had to be there
 
Akright, so at my grandparents beach house, theres 2 houses, and the back one we share with another family. So me and my girlfiend at the time had the front one to ourselfs, and we had parked behind the people in the back, and they know that us two are there. Were in the shower, and I guess they came in and grabbed her keys from the table right beside the bathroom to move the car. they put her car on the otherside of the house, were no one ever parks, just a patch of sand, we thought it was stollen, and she was freeking out, I was worried that they heard us in there, and still wonder everytime I see the family.
 
pret tty sure i just busted inside of t one of the you-tube twins... shit i really hope she d oesnt get pregnent and i don k now how the fucck im so drunk off two 40s i dont evejn know how that all happened
 
Saw my ex (gf at the time) talkin to this guy in her room while sitting on his lap during a party, got pissed, later she told me to stick it in her ass (exact words) and this was all on her bday. so cool i ass fuck my gf while the party is goin on and dude is up stairs...... month or so down the road i get wind of her cheating on me with said dude, so next time i get her to fuck (usually quite often) and get her to suck me off in the end....... yeah, so i reach my hand over to her purse and pull out her phone to take a vid of my next act and proceed to pull out and bust on her face while covering her eyes. Nice got the thing on tape right? later on that night i send the video to said dude, and proceed to break up with bitch...... sorry i know, this is prob one of the better sex experiences but i had to share
 
friends story: hes fucking his gf anal ( first time) when her mom walks in and so he pulls out realy fast, the suction made crap poor out so he looks down and pukes: on her. then she pukes. all this with her mom looking on:O tru story i heard it in person.

other friend. Prom night they go to do it in their hotel room. so they start doing it and two other friends walk in and start arguing hardcore. the room is dark so they keep doing it. then as if its not bad enough, an other guy shows up and is like hey guys!! jumps onto the bed and lays on them while he is still in there and then when he rolls off, emidate softness. biggest cock block in history
 
dude, i was getting really sick of you bumping threads, but i am glad you got this one whilst bumping everything with porn/ sex in it
 
ive had it happen like once or twice when going down on a chick i end up flossing my teeth, which is ok because its kind of a two for one bargain
 
my girlfriend and i had talked about butt sex before and she wasnt down...so i was just nailing the normal hole ( from a spooning position ) and as i turned up the pace a bit my dick ripped out of the normal hole and on the return thrust was rammed into the "forbidden hole". she was so mad she got up and left without saying anything.
 
um getting dome the other day from a girl with braces.... it was a big dilemma because she was good and it was feeling so good but at the same time i was in horrible pain from the edge of the braces tearing my dick up but it didnt want her to stop so i just bit down on the brim of my 59fifty and decided to make it to the end
 
fucked my gf at the time for her first time having sex while going at it she starts to bleed cause her cherry has just popped immediatatly lost my boner...
 
same thing at my school. Kid thought he was getting vag but instead got the poop shoot rumor on the street is that he got 4 fingers up there and possibly a fist. the ironic part of the story is that the chick and the dude both enjoyed it
 
ok same deal, friend of a friends story, not mine, almost the same story too

k so this dude was at a this chicks party, started hooking up etc. she took him upstairs to her room which he thought was great. he was surprised to find that she had plastic sheets, ok, a little odd, but w.e.

so this dude n the girl were having sex, and right as the guy came she stuck her finger up his ass, which, because he was so relaxed, made his bowels loosen and he shit all over the sheets. he was obviously mortified, and ran to the bathroom to clean himself up. when he came out, he was appaled to see the girl rolling in his crap on the plastic sheets. fucked up
 
there is a girl in our school who we call "oopsie poopsie".

heres why:

Drunk at a party, she decides it would be SUPER to get fingered by a random ass dude (this girl fucked in a port o potty with a complete stranger) Anyway, apparently the pleasure was too much for her because she straight up shit all over this dudes hand/ arm/ bed /floor / family photo/cat/dog etc.

oopsie poopsie.

 
one of my old buddies who went off to college was fucking this girl "Attack From The Back" in the asshole.... he pulled it out too fast and she shit all over his chest..... he was fucking pissed.
 
I dont have any bad ones really, but my friends do: (worth reading)

John borrowed my dvd and drove drunk to this girls house. Even tho hes fucked up she keeps feeding him wine. So now hes super drunk and they start fucking, he's on top and after a couple minutes he throws up in his mouth and tried to hold it in. The the rest of the booze starts coming up and he eventually pukes all over the bitch. She goes into the bathroom, he runs out of the apartment, runs back in to get my dvd, then runs back out and drove away.

My friend Tyler was fucking his girlfriend and she was on top while he was on his back. Sportscenter was on and the anchors started talking about the Kansas Jayhawks (our school) so my friend sits up really fast and his forehead nails his girl in the face. It broke her nose and splattered blood everywhere.
 
i remember getting them too and i thought i was the only one who got them, like it was some form of deformity i had, it would just be randomly too, i wouldn't be touching it or anything but one day i remember my mom getting me out of the bathtub and i had a raging boner and i was waving it around because i didn't know what it was
 
so me and some guys are pre drinking at this place before we were gonna hit some girls bday party. Were sitting there playing skate when this other crew walks in. Its like 3 dudes and one girl. I look at the girl dont think much of her. I keep drinking and as the night goes on she becomes more and more attractive. I decide why the fuck not and go for it. we hook up all is good, get her digits and bouce kind of expecting to never see her again.

Couple weeks go by and me and my buddy from work eat some shrooms and walk around the village. we hit the grocery store, where the girl works, and are walking around. I only remember her having blonde hair so every employee with blonde hair I try to avoid. When we get to the tils I look at each row and decide to go to the one with this red haired, kinda fat chick working. We make eye contact but I dont think anything of it. We get up to pay and she goes "hey Campbell hows it going?" Im all tripping on shrooms and am like why the fuck does this ugly fat chick know my name. I look at her tag and realize, OH FUCK!! THATS THE BITCH! well I just start tripping balls and just get right the fuck out of there before I laugh my ass off. from then on at work I was called fatty facker.
 
hey you screwed up the story, its supposed to be in amsterdam and she puts ass beads up his butt and then pulls them out, making him shit. get it right if youre gonna make up stories.
 
not as good as some but ill shoot....

me and some friends were at this mexican restaurant in my town and they have this "wall of fire" with a crap load of hot sauce, rated from 1 to 11. So we took down "Daves Insanity Sauce" (the hottest *&^* i have ever tasted) and we were putting it on all our food. My friend got it all over his hands and a few minutes after, went to the bathroom without washing his hands. Five minutes later, he is sitting back down then all of a sudden grimaces and grabs his crotch.

for us stupid people, he got this freaking essence of habenero on his hands and transferred it to his junk.

he compared the pain to pregnancy for men and swore it shrunk up alittle bit.
 
so this one time me and my girlfriend were out and about in the summer. were proceeded to get drunk off of some nasty shit that i dont remember and i wasnt feeling too hot...me friends that we were with went off to hit some kids bong and me and my gf started makin out and getting in the right mood....so we find this baseball field and get down to business...all was good and we were kind loud i think ...thats when we find out that they mow the grass in the middle of the fuckin night!!...the mower guy comes out of nowhere and we grab all of our shit and run for cover while consistently falling and eating shit into bushes becasue we were still drunk....rough night but fukin funny i thought...
 
i dont know where i heard this, and its not sex, but its fuckin gross as hell:

so these two 5 year olds, a boy and a girl, were just playing around and then they started getting naked, and so the girl gets a toothpick, and they play truth or dare, and she dares him to put the toothpick in to his penis. and so he does and he says it didnt even hurt him at all.

 
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