Worst sex exsperiences thread!

i stole condoms from my friend. turns out they were those extended pleasure ones for people who have a hard time keeping it up. If you don't have that problem, they're bad news.

I couldn't feel anything after about a minute so I lost it, started to go down on the girl, and 30 seconds in to it I couldn't feel my tongue. talked like donald duck for the next half hour.
 
I was banging this chick. We did like 3 or 4 diff positions. And when it was finally time she came and I wasnt done! So she just stopped and went for a smoke and I was like. DAMN! WTF! that sucked!
 
probably being interrupted by a bunch of drunk friends shining a flashlight into the tent while we were going at it.

I was pretty embarrassed when I was at a pool party at this chicks house, she was real good friends with my ex from about a week earlier. We're hanging around the pool and this chick throwing the party asks me upstairs to the hot tub. At first we were not alone in the tub, but this chick made it very obvious she wanted to be alone with me. After some alone time of me eating at the y this chicks friends start pounding on the door( I guess she was a little loud) to see what's up. I throw on my shorts but manage to pop both legs through one pant leg, and I notice this just as she opens the door for her friends. So I'm trying to cover this and stay in the water as she is fielding all kinds of nosy questions from her bitch friends(including my ex from last week). Well one of these crafty girls must be checking me out in the tub because she becomes wise to the situtation and hilarity ensues. About four girls standing there laughing because we were just naked and I apparently don't know how to put shorts on properly. Like a good girl my tub partner in crime kicks them all out and we go back to alone time sans clothing. This was a great party until I travel back downstairs to find a very pissed ex girlfriend who continues to call me a slut until I leave the party. I still call it a great night though.
 
I don't know if that warrants puking, if your going there you should probably expect it. It's like kayaking really, you don't put your boat in the water and not expect to get wet.
 
pretty embarassing/painful:

1. my first time having sex: waking up in London (2nd night abroad) next to someone whos name i dont remember and who doesnt speak english....why didnt i pay attention in french class? oh and i might add my best friend lost her v-card next door as well to a guy who writes under the name "babeboss", turns out the club we went to that night was packed with people from an event for a website: http://www.babe100.com/

2. was at the top of the stairs with a guy friend trashed and ended up falling down the stairs together and kneeing him really hard, he like cried

 
ugh all the sex i've had since my ex and i broke up has been awful, i guess she was just that big of a freak shitty, i havent been in a dry spell by any means just no one is quite as good, so shitty sec for me for the past 3 months
 
Man, I was working in Toronto for a couple weeks and my girlfriend flew in to visit me. The first night she was there, we went out. I ended up drinking two full chocolate pot brownie milkshakes, a 6 pack, several shots, and many many hoots from the volcano vaporisor. By the time we got back to the hotel, she hadn't seen me in a bit and was all horny and not nearly as hammed as I and wanted to hump, but in my state I couldn't get it up and was much more inclined to pass out, which I promptly did. She was still bitter about it in the morning. Then we humped like rabbits before I went to work.
 
this didnt happen to me but to a friend of mine....

basically he had been going out with this girl for about two months, an the idea of anal sex had been raised a few times but not discussed in detail nor any success for him. one night be brings it up over dinner an she finally agrees to do it blah blah blah. they orgainse a date at her house.

the day finally comes round an he's pretty excited cause he has never done it before an has basically been a fixation of his ever since he heard bout it.

so they start hooking up in the bedroom and she suprises him with a naughty nurse outfit, all of a sudden she stops and says she is ready, gets up an walks to the bathroom, presumably to get ready (ie. lube, lotion all of teh above...) meanwhile he's chillen on the bed naked getting all excited about wats bout to happen.

the door opens an out comes the chick with a strap on. pretty bad communication breakdown there.
 
hahaha that reminds me, my buddy tried one of those and his girlfriend gave him head afterward and her mouth went completely numb like it would if you go to the dentist.
 
was getting with a chick in town clubbin managed to get her in ther toilets with me, thinkin yes quicky and im off after another, walk through the doors only to find my fucking dad walkin out with a fucking bird already and a grin on his face. then i couldnt get mini me up cos i kept thinkin of my dad with some hussy in the same situation.
 
i fell to the ground prior to my self-aided sexual incounter and cut my hand up really bad, it made the whole situation really weird though when my mom walked in and found me on my bed crying with my bloody member.
 
when my friend lost her virginity, the guy she was with couldn't go so he went to the bathroom to try to get closer himself, but he went too hard and blew. he sketched out and bailed out the window.. my friend was still in bed waiting for him to come back and he never did.

she still hasnt slept with another guy since then, that was so long ago
 
That guy is an idiot. Why did he go to the bathroom? Why is your friend shutting down her sex life because of a tool?
 
similer story. when i was 4 my this nabor girl and i would go out to this one rock next to her house, and it would be the docters bench and i would lay their, and she would check my dick to make shure it was allright. All i remember is the rock. The funny thing is her mom saw us through the window one day.

 
hahaha will you sick bastard

i remember when you told us about that in science

im gonna start callin you penis doctor from now on
 
i was just talking to a friend of mine about a recent event that to me was quite hilarious.

This friend whos a girl, has been going out with a guy for a couple months now, and previous to this engagement was to say the least prude. Well she had given one handjob before and apparently wasnt to bad at them so her and her boyfriend started to make out in their car after he tried to teach her how to drive stick shift. (No pun intended) Anyway, after she failed misserable, they hooked up and all and it led to the begginings of the no pants dance. Well about 5 second into the handjob, her boyfriend goes "this isnt going to work... your hand are freezing" and apparently she hadnt noticed the cringes and such the came about with contact between icicle fingers, and otherwise warm areas
 
"mommy can 5 year old girls get pregnant?"

"no"

"okay jenny, we can keep playing this game"

can you even get a hard on at age 4?
 
Yup. I remember I got boners at that age pretty regularly, I just had no idea what the fuck was going on. They're not really queued by anything, your body just kind of does it for shits and giggles. I assume if you were playing that intimately with a girl, however, instincts would override the fact that you don't have hormones telling you to fuck like a rabbit yet.
 
this one time i just had my way with this mad hot 16-year-old that looked just like britney spears in her better days. the bad experience part was that she got prego.
 
Now child support payments force him to live in a van down by the river. He eats his own semen for sustenance when money is thin - it also reminds him to always keep the creamy italian in the oral region when protection is scarce so he doesn't get fucked over yet again. I am really, really bored. I'm sorry if you read that.
 
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