Worst sex exsperiences thread!

hahahaha i totaly remember that thread in Ladies Men cult. sooo funny

My ex and i were at my house fucking one time and my mom came home and knocked on the door, literaly while we were doing it, and so we both stopped talking entirely. And i started talking like i was talking to people over counterstrike while we were both getting dressed. So funny cuz we pulled it off =D

Another one was my ex finally agreed to swallow, so she was on her knees and it went, but only half came out onto her cuz it went up her nose some how, and i had to abandon ship.
 
She shouldn't have to agree to swallow, if she spits, she's a bitch, that's all there is to it.
 
a friend of mines story....

so during a good bonfire, camp party this dude takes his white shirt off and throws it in a tent. parrty continues and a little bit later two people go to fuck in that tent. when the guy gets to it, he realizes the girl is on her peroid. so instict takes over and he grabs the white shirt to not get blood everywhere. later on thiat guy who took his shirt off, come back to his tent and puts it on as a urban turban, passes out with it on. when he wakes up he findas hes wearing a blood soaked rag around his head.....ew
 
When I was in high school I had a rather, lets say, 'enthusiastic' girlfriend. She was giving me a handjob when she pulled down on it REALLY hard and snapped my banjo string. Let me tell you, seeing blood coming out of your favourite organ/muscle is NOT fun.

I didnt hang out with her much after that...
 
well i havent actually gotten laid yet, but when i was 4, i was in a tent in my backyard with my neighbor, and we devided to get naked. all i remember was laying on my back w/ a hardon, and her above me. and that is when my brother decided to try to hide in the tent (he had a bunch of friends over playing manhunt or something), he screams, and runs and tell my mom.

then another time, i was 5? i was in my sisters room with my dads friends daughter, and we would play the "point and kiss game" (pretty self explanitory, close your eyes, touch something and kiss it, of course i always cheated :p ). we had done it maybe 5 times before, but this time we heard someone coming up the stairs, it was my dad coming to tell her she had to leave. he opens the door, looks around, and finds me hiding between the bed and the wall with pants just laying over my naked self and her trying to get her clothes on in the closet.

there there was the other time i tried gettin my friends sister to kiss my cock, (i was also 5 at the time), and then she went home and told her mom, who then called my mom and yelled at me.

funny thing is i havent had a legit girlfriend since then.

and if anyone doubts these stories, just ask bigairjay, hes my brother (not the one who squealed)
 
well, the first 2 were the same age as me, and the 3rd is a year younger, so at least i wasnt a pedophile (can that happen?)

 
i would have to sayyyyy when i was 17 and my parents walked in, that was pretty fucking embarrassing
 
over the summer I was sessioning this girls mouth and she threw up all over me but she was way drunk and so was I but it was still gnarly
 
that hurts so fucking much.

and as someone else said, i was beaten TO MY OWN ROOM by one of my (former) best friends, who then went through the box of condoms/sex toys/etc that she and some other people gave me for my birthday to find a condom and left the contents all over the floor of my room for me to find.

i've also walked in on two people at a party. it was the guys house, and i was looking for his ipod battery charger thing, so i walked into his room, and he and i then started talking while some drunk random girl was giving him head, then proceeded to climb on top of him. i think i'd had a fair bit to drink too cause i dont remember really hurrying up my search, just not really looking over at the bed.
 
haha thats funny cause ive had drunk people walk in and like take thier time looking for shit. at the time i didnt care, but it seems odd to me now.
 
my friend put a bunch of the numbing lube on his tongue last year and then stuck it to a flag pole when it was about 10 degrees out, shut was fucking hilarious
 
Aight, so if you people are in for a damn good horrible first sexual encounter story, settle in.

I was blazing with this really chill dude from work, we'll call him Tim, who used to hustle all sorts of drugs back in his day but ended up having to take care of his dad because his wife left him. The guy was 24, and this really fat chick had been pursuing him for years but he wasn't attracted to her and wanted nothing to do with her. He was at a party with her and her extremely fine friend, who was telling him about how she was going to take him back to his house and show him an amazing first time and all... but her fat friend got pissed because she'd been pursuing him, and so long story short, they had a huge argument and the hot one left.

The fat one was all pissy, and sarcastically told Tim that she'd be sleeping alone tonight because he clearly wanted nothing to do with her. This was where he made his mistake... he right there decided that he was sick of being the oldest virgin in all of America, and took her upstairs.

She was noisy, obnoxious, loud... she came but this guy was not attracted to her, sort of pissed at himself for getting himself into this, sort of pissed at her for being so loud and annoying, and pissed to hell that she was so unattractive he wasn't even enjoying his first time having sex. He was so frustrated he asked her to get on top so he could think about the groceries he had to buy the next day. Not even joking.

Finally he decided it wasn't going to happen. He wasn't going to finish, and she was pissing him off. He asked her to get off so he could go to sleep and then retreated downstairs to the couch as soon as she started snoring.

The next morning, Tim's dad found him on the couch and started complaining about some loud, obnoxious, fat bitch who Tim's cokehead brother must have been fucking. Tim decided to let it be and hope his dad didn't notice that his brother wasn't even there. The girl enters the room from upstairs where Tim sleeps right around then. Tim's dad shook his head, looked at them both, and said "I'd expect that from your brother, but never from you".

The girl sits down like nothing happened, Tim's tweaking out and angry as all hell, and she starts writing in this book. He asks her what she's up to and she tells him she's adding him to her list of the guy's she's fucked. He looks at it... 28 names. 20 of him were friends or dealers of his. The 4th name was his brother's. Whatever he entered was not clean, very dirty, and more importantly had previously been occupied by nearly everyone he knew. He asks her to leave.

She stalked him, creepily and hardcore (hiding in bushes kinda shit...), for five weeks after that until a concert they both were at. When she started hitting on him he stood up in front of everyone they knew and started yelling at her about how it was a drunk, shitty mistake and how he would never have fucked her "wider than a mack truck" pussy if he wasn't desperate as hell because he was a 24-year-old-virgin.

Talk about the worst fucking experience you've ever heard of haha. Sorry it's so long, I love that story and I'm still tripping a little so writing is fun as shit.

 
^^ that happend to me

pretty close, fat chick, whore, he stalking me, my first time

but i was 15 so not as bad
 
this is not of me thank god lol

so me and a bunch of friends are all drinking around a fire one night and some people from our school show up and there kinda sketch looking ugly ass chicks

my friend who is decently drunk decides that it would be a good idea to hit on this one chick who in the dark and drunk to him is decently looking

they start making out on the bench and they decide to go off in the bushes for a bit

well she turned out to be a transvestite and when he stuck his had down there well guess what he found

hes never lived that story down lol
 
happened to my friend...twice...in the same night.... with the same girl.

don't ask why it let her go for it the 2nd time.
 
Dude manhunt? is that a real game? like team tag with the cops being on bikes? this new kid at our school is like from the ghetto and he said he played that at night or w/e. and that he made the game up himself, or his friends did, something like that.

Oh and my friend was eating this girl out and she had her period in his face, i heard him it took him a couple seconds to realize so he had a bloody face/mouth/hands lol
 
Well my story is actually a not-story, thank god.

Party at my buddy's house, rents are gone. Massive amounts of booze and scantily clad women all over the place. I take these two chicks down to the barn we usually party at when his parents are home, for some alone time...... Now inside the loft of this barn there's a tent pitched with a matteress inside it, for no other reason than we were wicked drunk and found a tent up there one day. I decide this is the perfect threesome container, and these two girls and I start to settle in. We were all trashed so we made up a variant of strip poker....... with no cards. Girls getting naked, I'm only down a hoodie (apparently I kick ass at this game) and.............

"CHAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"""""

Four of my damn friends charge up the stairs with brooms and shit and beat the SHIT out of the tent, knocking it down on the three of us in it. I'm drunk, and pissed at my first shot at a threesome has been ruined, so I get out and kick some ass, leaving the girls in the tent to fend for themselves (I am, actually an asshole.....) as I generally whoop my friends for being assholes. Anyway they beat me back to the house, where we all proceeded to drink even more, them lauging at me for not getting laid, me and a couple others laughing at them for getting there asses kicked.

Anyway the next morning I have no fucking clue what happened, minus that I almost had a threesome, but apparently the two chicks were slightly pissed that I left them there and came up and screamed at me later that night..... fuck if I remember that though.

But the kicker? I laughed out loud when my buddies showed me who they were the next morning, I told them that was bullshit, and that I have much better taste in women than those two. It seems girls don't like to overhear that........

 
Not reaalllly a sex story... nor did it happen to me... but funny

Anyway, this guy I know thinks he's the biggest baller ever just cuz he's rollin' in it... and he has this party, and everybody gets a bit tanked. Anyway, he gets with this chick (or starts to), when he thinks it's a good idea to finger her in the backside... let's just say that he's never lived it down (2 years after) and that he didn't get with the girl. He's a dumbass.
 
ahahaha!!! 

I can just picture, ur about to get with her in the bedroom, and she just stops and says "I've had ten inch black men..." and then just continues... hahahaha
 
brought home a girl after a crazy night of clubbing... went downstairs to my bedroom and just as she was lying on the bed I felt some vomit coming up. And yeah, you guessed it I vomited for a good 20 minutes, she was getting kind of pissed and fell asleep. It sucked so much you can't even believe! Real ackward
 
ok, not my story, but one of my favorite sex stories ever

this kid was getting head from this girl in his empty house, but they were both drunk as hell and he is having a little difficulty getting it up. She decides it would be helpful to stick her thumb in his asshole, and he just stands up and says get the fuck out of my house to her.
 
so my friend's friend is doin the hibbity dibbity with his gf and she knocks over the kids 3 foot bong next to his bed cuz i guess she got really excited and shit, and he just stands up and starts screaming at her telling her to get the fuck out of his room.

this same kid another time (i think before the incident above) was doing the same chick anal, while rolling a joint on her back at the same time... apparently like 2 minutes into it he blew his load cuz he got so excited about the weed he was about to smoke.

oh yeah and my ex walked in on me and this other chick at a party and she started yelling at the girl i was with telling her i was still hers... so i had to slap a hoe (not really slapped her, just bitched her out is all)
 
I was sixteen and had just got my drivers license. I had an older friend like 24 who was king of ski bums and staying ratty who lived in my room for $200 a month including food, and I slept upstairs in the guest room. One Saturday morning I got up to eat breakfast and he was there drinking juice. He then asks me for a favor. I end up driving his kiwi girl one night stand back to her car because his wasn't at the house. I have to drive home some ho who had sex in my bed, but not with me! Awesome.
 
K this is my best worst sex story, it's funny as hell and as my buddy put's it "oh so poetic" you'll see why.

K, well starting off a few weeks before this party I'd had some minor surgery done so I was still taking T3 for the pain and it says clearly on the bottle it big ass red letters, DO NOT CONSUME WITH ALCOHOL, so basically I didn't read that. went to the party and drank as much as I normally would and this girl starts getting feely on me, I'm like ok whatever, I'm horny right? so we eventually go off into a spare bedroom of the house and start fucking, my buddy walks in with his gf like halfway through smiles and gives me the thumbs up, his gf gives me the finger cause I'm nailing her cousin then they leave. all of a sudden I'm fucking shitfaced drunk (I later learned that T3 puts your alcohol tolerance at like next to nothing and causes vomitting when mixed with alcohol and I'd drank a 26 of vodka) so I stand up, I'm pantless cause I thought it was a good idea but luckily I found my boxers and tell her I'll be right back. this next bit was explained to me cause well I don't remember anything till I woke up again. Apparently I stood up, walked out of the room wearing practically nothing, walked by the bathroom, opened up a linen closet and vomitted on all the towels in there then passed the fuck out falling stiff as a board style backwards flat on the floor. I regained consciouness like a minute or two later to find the girl I was nailing yelling at me about "how could I be more insulting? she knew that only one position (missionary btw) wasn't great but she'd never done anything else" or something like that, anywho she throws my jeans at me and storms off leaving me confused as shit on the floor in the hallway. After I learned the whole story I laughed my ass off, it's like local legend amoung my friends now and spawned the phrase "She was so bad I actually vomitted"
 
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