What's the stupidest way you've injured yourself?

Drunken pillowfight with a bunch of other dudes... the violence escalated quickly and I ended up breaking 2 fingers, damaging the tendons pretty badly and had nerve damage as well... I was in finger splints for months, not allowed to move them.

/nohomo
 
climbing up a slide in preschool (after explicitly being told not to) and fell, breaking my wrist.

running while playing hide and seek on hardwood floors, slipped and slid past the bottom of the steps. my pinky caught on the bottom support and snapped.

it was the middle of winter so i was skating in my basement. i was standing on the board in a primo (with the board on it's side), lost my balance, and fell backwards. i slammed the back of my head into a concrete wall and knocked myself out for like ten minutes.

running around when i was little, i tripped and cut my eyelid open on the corner of a coffee table.

went for a huge ass bonk on a corrugated tubing set up jib-style, ejected one ski, somehow leaned forward, and landed straight on my head/collarbone. broke the bone straight through.

so many more i can't think of.
 
ALSO I TORE A BUNCH OF LIGAMENTS IN MY BACK WHEN I WAS AT A CONCERT AND FELL DOWN IN THE PIT AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE FELL ON MY NECK.
 
Tried to talk to a friend mid-air off a jump, dug my tips in on the landing, landed on my pole handles like a dumbass... Lacerated my liver.
 
A couple years back, I worked at A&W. I was bored, and had just finished breaking down boxes, so I had a exacto knife in my hand. I decided it'd be awesome to throw cups in the air and slash them. It went good for awhile until I missed the cup and sliced open my hand. The result, a clean wound. Nice and open. I ended up slashing one of the 3 tendons in my thumb, luckily, my mobility of the thumb isn't as limited as I thought it would be.

Awesome scar though, you can see the stitch holes and everything. I've always wanted a scar like that (where you can see the holes).

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I ripped my thumb along a foil case, felt amazing, 32 stitches. Got hit in the face with a baseball bat, broken eye socket and 19 stitches. Cork 5 off an 8 foot ledge to concrete = broken wrist, ended up losing about half of the bone in my wrist to disintigration. Gripped a broken composite/fiberglass pole during a friendly game of tug of war and ended up with half the pole through my hand, 52 stitches and a hand/pole removal.
 
jumping off a swing when i was in elementary school-busted out a few teeth

playing ice hockey with no skates, slipped and broke my colar bone

dropping a 15ft cliff to flat at killington opening day- compressed disc
 
dislocated two ribs hitting the jump line in the morning a month ago.

caught an edge when a landed and fell straight to my chest.
 
last year i caught my front edge on the takeoff doing a switch 1, lost both skis, knuckled, and ragdolled down the landing.. right next to the lift. then i did it again this year.
 
so i had broken my ankle skiing, and got my cast off. to celebrate, i had a ncie warm bath. i was making toast downstairs as well. as soon as i hear the toaster ding, i leap out of the bath and try to jump my flight of hardwood stairs. i land on the bottom, soaking wet, and slip and break my ankle AGAIN, the day i got my cast off. fuck im still pissed and this was like 2 years ago.
 
walking home from school in like mid january, slip on some ice under the snow and bam! falls on back. some guys behind me come up to me and asks me how I feel, but I was too embarassed to be honest about how fucking much it hurt. they walk away and when they are out of eyesight I start to crawl up, however when I'm almost up I somehow slip again and instead faceplant. I cried and had to go to the doctors because the backpain didnt go away for over 3 weeks #pussyforlife
 
I jumped off a little plastic slide when I was a kid and landed with one foot on top of the other and broke a bunch of different bones. My foots still fucked up from that.
 
all of my broken bones have been from pretty badass stuff, my stiches not so much. first time was for sitting on a tonka truck and driving straight into a cinder block wall, another time i sneezed and smacked my head on the bathroom sink.
 
i was hitting our summer set up with my buddy, laid at the end of the 20 ft pvc pipe spontaneously figuring my friend would see me and jump over me..he 270'd on so he didnt see me lay down under the end of the rail, he slid the rail and one of his skis sliced my ear open, milimeters away from slicing half my ear off. one nasty scar and 7 stiches later
 
just remembered two more

once when I was running around my friends house and slipped on his wood floor a chunk of wood came out and in that chunk of wood was this little tiny piece that went into my leg. Finally six months later I pulled it out and it was about 1 and a half inches long.

When I was about seven my friend and I were practicing for soccer tryouts and I tried to do a sliding kick and when I slid. I went over a rock and made a pretty big gash in my leg but I still went to the tryouts.
 
I used to be into drugs alot, and one time I took a bunch of pills and cut my index finger in half the long way while trying to whittle some stick I found in the woods. Another time I took a bunch of pills and jumped a stairset on my bike, nutted hard and almost severed my achilles tendon on my pedal. Stay off the pills kids!
 
i was recovering from my concussion and was raking leaves and some how ran into a grill and go 10 stiches and when i was in 3rd grade fell out of a tree hit a branch on the way down and ripped open my leg saw my muscle and got 70 stiches
 
When i was like 6 i fell off my counter reaching for a plate and fell into the open dishwasher and broke my arm
 
running around wasted at senior party, bit my tongue nearly in half. finished the night at 4 am, still sorta wasted, getting 7 stitches in my tongue. the stitches weren't the bad part, getting anesthetic injected into my gashed tongue was the fucking painful part.
 
this year out tuna fishing, knives, hooks, line, basically shit to injure you everywhere, but what do i slice my thumb half open on?? a fucking soup can lid. i was pissed
 
Tried taking my rollerblades down a slide, ended up eating shit on the woodchip stuff at the bottom. Strained my meniscus.
 
this would probably be the dumbest way I hurt myself...

yes its me =( broken fibula for the entire summer.

 
I have another.

When I was four, I wanted to open a soap bottle to smell the soap for some reason. So I couldn't break it open, so I got a knife and started cutting at if. Hand slipped, made a big ass slice in-between my thumb and forefinger. Healed good though
 
i was like 4 and at my grandparents house and they had an imaginary dog named fido. my grandpa would always go to the top of the basement stairs and yell something like "fido get up here" so we would think hes really coming up. then we would chase him all around the house and scream and shit. haha i dont know i was 4. so i was coming in hot around a tight corner and i slipped and slammed my head on the corner of the fridge and cut my forehead and got i think 10 stiches. haha good times

also last year i think i was at my aunt and uncles beach house and they got pizzas delievered so the fat kid i am i go to run out the door when they bring them in. what i didnt realize was the screen was still in. so i run straight into the screen and break through it then proceed to trip and fall face first down a set of 8 stairs. everyone was freaking out but i wasnt even hurt

one more a recent one last week at a scout camp (inb4 boy scouts is gay argument) we were just chillen at the site, you know lighting stuff on fire and such. so the leaders slept in a cabin which had a steep wood ramp on the back. i kept trying to run up it and finally jumoped up and got on top of the cabin. so now im like 15 feet up on a roof and im like fuck, how do i get down? so i decided to get all b dog with it and land in the tranny of the ramp. now this ramp is at like a 80 degree angle so i dont know what i was thinking but i still did it and landed way too far down in a little crack between the ground and the wood and twisting/ sprained my ankle and had a lot of trouble walking for the rest of the week

YES I KNOW COOL STORIES BRO!!!
 
I was alone and i had to go to the basement so i decided to pretened i was skiing and gap the entire stair set which was like 7 stairs. and i landed on my ankle and broke teh fuck out of it and i just layed there for like 30 mins whimpering and nobody was home.
 
Broke my foot in three places playing dodgeball in middle school.

Broke my right ring finger 3 times, once from a nerf football, once from catching a baseball barehanded, and once from falling off the couch.

Dislocated my right knee twice from stepping in a sprinkler hole playing baseball.
 
When I was 2 my family has a container of dried beans for me to play with one time I stuck my face into it and I got a kidney bean stuck very deep in my nose i was rushed to the emergency room where they had to surgically remove it Btw that is true
 
i got a RREEAALLLLLLYYY bad concussion in 8th grade by i geuss trying a 9 out of a side booter(no idea what i was thinking), it was so bad i was told i was out for around 10 min and had no clue where i was for around 8 hours and i still dont remember around 6 weeks befor it
 
Was throwing air punches (as in throwing them but intentionally not hitting them) with my cousin and her friend and her friend ended up tagging me in the nose.
 
i have a few dumb ones.

first, when i was in 4th grade, i tried to rip an aluminum can in half and that resulted in a few stitches in my thumb.

second, popping wheelies on my buddies little sisters electric scooter i accidentally twisted the handlebars a tiny bit and ended up faceplanting and breaking my wrist.

third, inner tubing behind my uncles boat. fell off going pretty damn fast and came out of the water with a broken ring finger. still not 100% sure how it broke
 
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