Wanna hear a couple jokes?

A hunter goes into the woods and sees a bear, he brings up his rifle, aims at the bear and squeezes the trigger...
BANG!
the hunter goes out to take a look at his fresh, kill but there's no sign of the bear !?suddenly he gets tapped on the shoulder, it's the bear and he says, get on your knees and suck it !the hunter does as he's told and after swallowing he runs home.
next day the hunter decides to try it again and brings a machine-gun to make sure he gets the bear this time !
he sees the dirty bear and squeezes off a whole 30 round cartridge !he goes out to take a look, but once again no dead bear :(
he gets tapped on the shoulder once again.the bear says, get on ya knees and suck it, bitch! the hunter does as he's told ... (you don't argue with a 600pound grizzly)
next day the hunter returns and he brings an RPG rocket launcher.he sees the bear, squeezes the trigger and ....BAM!half of the forest is obliterated !
the hunter goes looking for a smouldering bear carcass, but once again, no luck :(
once more he gets tapped on the shoulder and looks around.there's the dirty bear and he says: "You ain't just here for the hunting, are you ?" :)
Apologies for my bad English im a Belgian doing my best :)
 
would you "argue" with a bear if you knew it would result in you gargeling the sticky bearjuice ?
 
knock knock.
whose there?
Fedex. we have a package for you.

why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
repeated absence and stealing.

 
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

A: "Where's my tractor?"

A Black man, a mexican and a russian walk into a bar. What a great example of a united society.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Micheal Jackson molests little boys.

What did the homeless man get for Christmas?

Nothing

Q: What do you call a Mexican flying a plane?

A: A pilot.

Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

Why did the sheep dog count 40 sheep when there were only 38

He rounded them up.

A seal walks into a club. However, the particular club he entered had a no animals policy and he was turned away.

Two porn stars, a man and a woman, are going at it during a shoot.

They're doing it doggy style, and the director keeps urging them to do

it faster, since they're in sort of a homestretch two-shot. So they're

really going at it, and the woman kind of looks over her shoulder at

the man and says, "Ooh, you feel so good inside me!" And the man thinks

to himself, I choose to believe you.

A boy owned a dog that was uncommonly shaggy. Many people remarked upon

its considerable shagginess. When the boy learned that there are

contests for shaggy dogs, he entered his dog. The dog won first prize

for shagginess in both the local and the regional competitions. The boy

entered the dog in ever-larger contests, until finally he entered it in

the world championship for shaggy dogs. When the judges had inspected

all of the competing dogs, they remarked about the boy's dog: "He's not

so shaggy."

Two light bulbs are lying in their cardboard sleeve on a shelf

somewhere. The first light bulb is a real nervous type. He's been going

on and on. "What if I don't light up? Seriously, what if I don't? I

will just m'kaying die! God, I'm freaking out. And thanks to our

m'kaying packaging, we don't know whether we're in a store or a

warehouse, or if we're sitting under someone's kitchen sink moments

away from being screwed in and turned on. What if there's something

wrong with my filament? I mean, it feels OK to me, but there's not

really any way of knowing for sure until I get hit with some current.

Sure, I passed the factory test and lit up just fine, but what if ..."

The second light bulb has had enough. "Will you shut the m'kay up! Just

shut up!" There is a long awkward silence. Then the first light bulb

says, "Well, what else are we supposed to talk about?"

What did the aborted baby say to it's mother?

Nothing. Dead babies can't speak, and even if they could it takes at

least a year or so for babies to learn how and because this particular

baby was aborted and you can only be aborted if you're younger than

about four months it wouldn't have had the time.

A man walks into a bar. He then meets some friends and has a rather enjoyable night.
 
didn't read the whole thread, but...
what happens when a jew with a boner walks into a wall.
he breaks his nose
 
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help.
 
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help.
 
i made this one up, snothing special:
whats the similarities between lesbians and vegetarians?

Neither of them can go without a meat substitute.
ps i'm not very good at making up jokes :/
 
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