The best gaper quotes

theres a flat part of the river where some of the guides tell the tourists they've thought them everything they need to know, they then proceed to jump out of the boat.

they get back in a minute later but its still good to watch them all freak out
 
so i was at ski liberty which is the closest hill to me with some of my friends this past season. i get to the top of the "hardest run there" and was joking with my friend about how i should straightline it. this gaper in jeans and a windbreaker with rentals came up behind us and said "I DARE YOU!" not wanting to be called a chicken, or whatever he would call me, i politely proceded to straightline the entire run. (not much of an accomplishment) my friend follows me down a little later, lauging uncontrolably and said that right after i dropped in, the gaper said, "HOLY CRAP! HE MUST BE THE BEST SKIER EVER!" my friend told him i could do it backwards if i wanted to, and he nearly shit himself. at the bottom of the run, of course, he asked if i can do backflips...
 
not really a gaper quote but anyway its something ive noticed. when youre trying to tell how good someone is and you ask what they do, so-so skiers always ski they like backcountry, not park. ask them what they do in the spring. you know what i mean?
 
I ski backcountry in the spring sometimes. Any chance I get to go to the BC I take it. that is funny though,what you said, they don't know what BC is about.
 
i just remembered one that made me laugh so hard.

i dont have any backround story but some little kid tried to tell me that a mute grab was called a

crossmax X
 
I was at a lacrosse camp and I was talking to a kid and he asked me if i did double tipping. I proceeded to make fun of him with my non-gaper friend.
 
on the bus the other day i was talking to this kid about skiing and whatnot

him: "oh man, di i tell you that i did a helicopter last year?!1?1"

me: "....no...." (i tried skiing with him last year, he was terrified of the park, and pizza sliced down blues...)

him: "oh yeah, it was freakin awesome" (yes he actually said freakin)

me: "wait, didnt you just say you snowboarded?"

him: "yeah man, i switched in march, skiing was way too easy"

me: "......" [turns up iPod]

ive also heard from some little racer 7 year old

"How come all those skiiers think theyre snowboarders?"
 
A gaper tried a 3 off of about a 10 foot jump and falls a little backseat so he starts to scream ROCK ON!!! for about the next 5 minutes until the ski patrol told him to get off the landing

me and my friend were waiting to go up the chair lift and to 10 year olds riding fake snowboards from target tell us skiing is for little kids
 
I work as a ski instructor, and my boss keeps tellin us to hold our hand up. He always says "dont hold your hands at your sides like when you ski in those pipes and such"
 
he actually has a valid point. all of out stand-up-straight-with-arms-by-our-sides-afterbang-steez is horrible form for anything but afterbang.
 
truth. Kids see everyone in the terrain park with their hands by their sides, and these are obviously the people they want to emulate, since they ahve the most skill, so they drop their hands and gain another bad skiing habit.
 
When I was instructing and would ski backwards infront of people to make them go slow they would start freaking out and ask what lesson they learn how to do that in.

Anyone experienced this as an issue?

I started noticing a trend where people only did park skiing. There is an area at Mt. High called the playground and I noticed a guy who could do every rail and box there but when I saw him going down some of the other runs I couldn't believe how awful he was. I would love to see what would happen to this people at an actual mountain. I mean every person has a first time skiing trees or powder and so on, but to be so bad at skiing that you had issues on intermediate groomed runs.

I'm just seeing more and more people that can do a 5 but can't handle a black diamond. More snowboarders than skiers... but still.
 
I see lots of skiers who just go in the park to either just go off the side of the ramp, or just avoid all the obstacles. Or they just ride over a box.

I also see lots of snowboarders that are into for the cool factor. I always get slightly stoked when people tell me they can ski or snowboard. But then they are horrible.
 
we're riding up Bonanza, and this mega gaper like skates to get the same chair as us (there was nobody else in the lift line...) so for the first 5 towers he starts to tell us to move over so he can take off his helmet and skis (which he had on backwards)..... so we tell him that its just a five minute lift ride, and he starts fuckin screamin bloody murder at us, "I CAN DO WHATEVER THE BLOODY FUCK I WANT YA CLOWN"

so he finally calms down and starts lecturing us on what color of wax to put on each part of your skis "nononononono, u need purple wax on the tip, green wax on the back, and red wax under ur foot... id ont see how u could ski w/o using my system..." so he doent see that the lift ends in another 10 seconds, and he still has his helmet and skis off, so he gets off the lift, and he says, "ok which one of u mother fuckers stole my skis and helmet?!?!?!? meanwhile, his skis start going around the stop bar, and out of the end tower, on their way back down. he asked us why the lifty didnt grab his skis for him like at deer valley (gondola). he said, "this lift is broken anyway, half of it is gone!!! " so we ski off, and he starts screaming at the lifty....... wow i just wrote a novel....
 
Ok this is what happens when you bring twins to the Las Vegas ski resort...

1. (while Im holding a camera filming my friends) "Are you filming?" "Can you take our picture"

2.(entered a competition, this gets good)

Me:"can skiers enter the comp?"

ticket counter:"Oh yeah, just pay here and go upstairs for your number"

so I go upstairs with my skis in hand...

comp lady:"ok I just need your name and your riding stance..."

me:"uh....im a skier, unless you wanna know where I mounted my skis..."

comp lady,"oh.....this is a boarders comp, we can let you enter, but we cant score you...."

then, while doing my runs since i paid anyways.....

I start off my run and all the boarders llook like theyve never seen twins before, to make it better I start off switch and they are all like "omg! he is skiing backwards!"

3.I get on the chairlift, and liftie says,"are those those new twin tip ski things?" (this was 2 years ago....)
 
ohhh shit i saw this kid last season. top of the park, he told his gaper friend, "watch me hit the staircase" the kid just skiied down the stairs.

later, from the lift, i was looking at the log jib at the end of the park, and i see this gaper come bombing down, not turning, from the mini pipe. he goes up, skis catch the log, and he airs a good 10 feet above the log, and comes back down on the otherside, flat on his gaper ass.

me "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh jea jea jea son. you KILLED that shit"
 
so today i was at the U with some buds scopin a beautiful new 6 kink, and a couple in their 60 or 70's walked by, and we were like, this is a pretty legit ski rail, huh? and after we explained to them how jibbing works, the guy responds, "why don't you just ski down the stairs??" we got the biggest laugh out of it later, soooo funny
 
yea ive seen that too.

im kinda the opposite in that im not that great at park. i can do basic shit like 3s off most jumps up to 30 or so and fla rails and shit like that, but its nothing compared to a good day in the woods.
 
at snowshoe i was going to hit a rail and this kid with black sweat pants tucked into his boots and a green oldnavy zip up on with a backwards oldnavy hat on with his hair pulled through at the front cuts me off and is about to jump of the side of the jump. it was the third time he did it on the day. threw my pole from about 10 feet behind him and got him in the back. didnt see him in the park for the rest of the day
 
hahahaha... thats just so funny, i wish i could have seen that, what did he do?

Stlharry, u have a point, there is NOTHING better than a good tree ski day....
 
i usually like to screw with the gapers and say retarded shit.

me: woah are those race skis?

gaper: yah

me: i wish i had some of those to go super fast.

gaper: yah they go pretty fast

me: mine are broken in the back so i cant go fast

me and my friend on the lift in a small mountain on the east coast with two other gapers

me: jee it really is a nice day here at vail

friend: yah not like the east coast where the trails are icy and you cant stop

gapers: we're not at vail, this is cranmore

me: OH SHIT i thought we were at vail

friend: how the hell did we get here?
 
bring this thread back!

i was just at sports chek and i was trying on a pair of SPK Kaos boots

so the guy comes up and asks if i needed any help.

i said no, and then he continued to ask me,

"So do you race? or do you just ski alot?"

i didnt answer.
 
So I was at the snow show in Vancouver today, and theres a gear swap section there where shops and regular people can unload their stocks or just sell their old skis etc.

So anyways, I'm there with my friend whos looking for skis and his dad, I'm basically there for advice and to help him out. So we find some nice Dynastar NBT's one 07 and one 08 both w/ bindings and I'm holding it while he's trying on boots.

His dad's asking me all these questions and I'm thinking them through because I dont wanna answer it by impulse and get it wrong, and I guess he thought that he trusted one of the staff there so he grabs one to help my friend with the boots.

So this guy pretty much starts by saying his shop is very high end and that he's never seen or heard of Nothing but Troubles. He says he can't tell what they're for, and that with twintips its very hard to tell this is his exact words: "I've got some gotamas, no katanas in my store that are twintips and you'd think they're for jumping and the obsticles but they're actually for powder and the Wall you'd think was a big mountain ski but is actually for jumping and such."

I was like wtf man you don't know shit about these they're park believe me, I'd know more than you, then he goes on to tell my friend that he can't buy the boots he was looking at at the moment because they were too cheap, and that at his store boots were atleast 400$ and that he shouldn't be buying boots under 200$ used because the quality is bad.

I just pretty much told my friend that this guy was a total gaper and that if he was to listen to him he'd be better off at my local shop buying brand new spk pros.

I honestly hate people like that, they bring our sport down. I with I coulda done more to make him feel like shit for trying to sell used boots from his store for his own profit, not to help my friend.

/rant over. sorry.
 
i was on the gondola with some gapers, one of them had the old trouble makers, it was a powder day and he was talking about his groomer skis or whatever, then he said to his friend "yup bringin out the surf boards today" and his friends continued to admire his skis and stare at them while there were like 4 other pairs of 100+ waist skis on the gondola.

my friend was skiing his hellbents one day, some lady starts yelling at him as he skis by, saying his ski was broken, like she was freaking out.
 
So today i rang up a "snowboarding" shop here in NZ and some clueless chick picked up.

I said :" Hey, i bought some Electric goggles off you guys a while ago and was wondering if you stock replacement lenses"

Dumb bitch:"No sorry, we dont actually sell electric goggles, just regular goggles"

ME: " Um... Electric is a brand name"

Her: "Oh..."

yeah, that pretty much made my day hearing that from a shop which is too cool to sell skis. lol
 
My Grandpa: You should go up to the ski jump, it's about twenty miles away. I don't know if it's still There but I used to go and you could see the skiers jump in the air and spin, and they even did flips!
 
Today, teacher talking to class:

teacher: wow getting close to winter, i can't wait to ski. but unfortunately my sons keep begging me for a snowboard.

me: you should get them some twin tips instead.

teacher: you mean these (indicates snowblades with hands)

me: no i mean twin tips, full size skis with two tips.

teacher: oh yeah i have thought about that, but our mountain doesn't get that much powder (we got 500+ inches last year) and i only would get them if we lived at a powder resort.

me: Actually they are not all just powder skis, lots of them are all mountain, and park, etc.

teacher: hmmm....
 
gaper: So you like skiing?
Me: Yea i ski a lot
gaper: So u must be on the ski team?
Me: No I don't race
gaper: O, yea your like me and get enough reward from making it to the bottom of the hill
Me: sure
.... no? haha
 
This kid in my planning class walked up to me and asks out of the blue

-(tard) "Oh my god you ski?"
(me)- yes
-(tard) But I thought you go with all the snowboarders on the whistler trips
-(me) yes. I do.
-(tard) But they go in the park
-(me) yes. they do
-(tard) but skiers cant go in the park
-(me) yes we can
-(tard) NO!! YOU CAN'T!!! (nearly has a seizure)

then this girl who sits at my table shows him her iPod touch, which had some
ski movie on it. then she says the greatest thing i have ever heard her say:

-Heres an hour or so of video footage proving that you're wrong.

BAM!! tards' shit=ruined

 
one time i was on a box and some gaper comes speeding up and flys onto the box and knocks me off the box. he then proceeds to tell me how i should watch where im goin. and im like dude, u came from behind me and hit me off the box its completely ur fault.

another time i was carrying my skis and some guy comes up to me and was like "HEY KID! watch it with ur skis, u almost took my head off." I was like sorry, u were behind me i couldn't see u. (being polite not sarcastic). Then he proceeded to say "carry ur skis the right way like this" (puts his skis in his arms (when u rest them in ur arms on ur elbows) and i was like "see everybody else here carrying their skis the way i'm carrying them? thats the right way. He then said "If u hit one person with ur skis like that i will kill u!" I proceeded to say "No sir, u will not kill me, u will not touch me or speak to me, u will go on with your day and leave me alone"

both of these actually happened. The second one may seem fake, but its tru. the thing is, if he had been polite about it i wouldnt hav cared.

an instance where a guy was nice was wen me and my bro were bombing down to the chairlift and wen we were in line a guy was like "u and ur brother r really good skiers, i can see that, but it makes me nervous when u go that fast near me, so could u please slow it down a little." i said thatnk u, and sure, because he wasnt a douche about it.
 
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