The best gaper quotes

thats really not a gaper question man, how fast do you go for the bottom jump... usually i tell the people how many turns to make, like make 1 turn, or straight line completely etc.. i have pro skiers asking me this in whistler black park, because if you dont know the speed then you fucking die.
 
yeah that isn't a total gaper question i mean people ask each other that kind of question all the time in the park
 
all the old people and gapers at my hill are like"wow you do these jumps?"

"ya....."

"hats off to you!"

"ok thanks"

"no lets not go there where the jump are that is for snowboarders"

"no you ski there too"

"really?"

"ya"

"mom can we go in the pipe?" (daughter of them)

"ya!"

hahaha

i was teaching someone to snowboard at the easy run which has a small terrain park i was on a lift with this guy

"you do these jumps?"

"ya"

"wow your good, i bet i could do all of this on my skateboard!"

"awsome"

"ya"

"these look hard!"

"no these are the easiest things in the world"

"wow your good then"

he finds a snickers in his pocket and says "FUCK YA!"

 
Did I ever tell you about the time I invented snowboarding? Ya, I Don't want credit for it but they keep on giving it to me.

LOL. I was livin' in this hole-in-the-wall town called Utah when a guy from Colorado showed up saying he was making these so called "improvements." All of a sudden, the streets were running with lattes
 
haha so i was in the bathroom at sunday river. and these two ladies were talking about how they went down a glade. They were like i cant belive he took me down the trail with all the trees! I tried to use my wedge but i just couldnt do it. I was like trying to use the force of my wedge but i couldnt do it! idk i thought it was funny.
 
allow me to set the scene....

it was christmas day 2007 at a little place called Sierra-at-tahoe...sunny, warm approx 43 degrees..

midday we're in the lift line behind a family of four...mom and two kids wearing rental bibs/skis/ect...dad wearing jeans with rentals...

gaper kid#1 "mommy, daddy's wearing jeans...i want to wear jeans"

gaper mother "tomorrow we can all wear jeans"

priceless

i thought i was going to die
 
-what do they do with the moguls in the summer?

-what are skins?

-(texan points to a halfpipe comp) look at them skiers doing whirlybirds in that stunt ditch over there
 
Some was skiing switch down the mountain and someone saw him off the lift and said

"He's skiing like Warren Miller!"

then i looked at her and started laughing....
 
yeah i got:

-so you like those ski movies?
-yeah
-whose your favorite trick skier?
-(trying not to laugh) i dunno, i like a bunch
-oh. well mine's warren miller

i just burst out laughing
 
also, standing in ursa liftline at stratton with my prophet 90's
gaper dad- look son, those are them wide skis all of the kids use for the obstacle park
kid- oh can i get some of those?
dad- no son, you're too young
 
i was out at copper with my invaders(with the pink bases) and there park lift goes to a buncha green runs, so this guy comes up behind me and is like "they got thos lights in them skis now" and im like what. so hes like "the bottom of your skis is glowing pink how do they do that?" and im like the bottoms are pink and there just reflecting. and he skis off saying "technology these days"

pricless it ends up he was from texas of course
 
Old guy: Watch out for the snowboarders in here, this is there place

Little Kid: Okay dad

I just looked at him and started laughing
 
this isnt a gaper quote but a funny story...

so me and my brother have skied and filmed for a day then we go into the condo for lunch. when we finish lunch we decide to dress up as gapers in tight jeans and gay shirts, we go out and everyone in the town is laughing while were walking to the lifts... we take the first lift up then we get on the second lift, and who gets on with us? mike riddle, he found it fuckin hilarious, then we went through the black park snaking peoples lines and throwing it down but no one cared because it was radical.
 
ok well some kid just said this to me on aim so i would thought id share and bump this ish

*******: i liked how he hit a 360 before hitin the rail

talking about a 270 on lol

 
im rider up with Gaper Grandma and Gaper Grandkid, and the grandma explains to the kid what a 360 degree helecopter spin was
 
i was riding up the gondola with some guy on a deep pow day and he had trouble makers, his friend says something like "are those new?" and the tm guy says "no just bringing out the surf boards for today", it was funny cause like everyone in the gondola had skis over 100 in the waist.
 
theres a kid i know hes not really a gaper just bad in the park and been doing it for a while

he says to my friend: wayno go hit that railing
me: its a rail

its a kinda skinny downrail at loon it kinda does look like it could be a railing
 
Saturday I was skiing this line under the lift that ended with a small pillow drop, hit the last bit switch. Out of nowhere I hear these kids screaming "oh my god watch out for the cliiiiifff!" Then five seconds later some fat gaper lady skis up to me to tell me how dangerous that was and how I should never do that again.
 
I was on this chair with a friend from NS, some lady (who knew her shit) and some random guy who didnt really look like a gaper. Anyways we were ogling a super steep line way off to the left, talking about people who have skiied it and when it can be skiied etc. Anyways the guy chimes in for the first time exclaiming, "Looks like at least a dozen people have straight-lined it." Me and my friend are trying not to laugh because he though the small lines where balls of snow had rolled down were tracks of people going straight down. The ripper lady was just like "Ummm no you dont straight line that." Thank god she said something nice... or we would have laughed at his face and mocked him for the rest of the ride up~
 
For background, I ski Alpental-

Him - "Yea, this mountain really sucks compared to Crystal"
Me - "Well isnt that nice, we do have nice backcountry though"
Him - "Yea, I went there last week, it really sucked (in refference to our foot of nice pow in april day) I was just skiing down, talking on my phone and suddenly theres a fucking cliff in my way, I mean, there werent any signs or ropelines or anything"
Me - "Well, thats why they call it the backcountry"
Him - "Yea, but they could at least rope off the cliffs"

I hate Crystal skiers

Also

"Wow, sucks you couldnt get anything skinnier, those must be really hard to use" - in refference to my skis.
 
My story was from that very same saturday at alpental I think... the very last pow day where it was super packed~
 
i get that "can you like....do a backflip?!!!" thing all the time but once a kid asked me as i was lining up for a rail "can you do a 1280?" and i was like what? are you fucking joking? and i went on to do the rail.

and i love when im in the park and some gaper willl tell me to do a 360 or something from the chairlift. they think a 3 is like the sickest trick ever done. Once that happened to me in VT and i did a 5 off the jump when they told me to 3 and they thought i was god.
 
Cool name dude.

But yeah, I love how gapers get so worked up over the littlest stuff. There's this small knoll you can hit on liftline at Smugglers Notch that me and my friends love to hit, but I mean you get maybe 20 feet of air, maybe go 10 feet off the ground at the apex... pretty minimal. I was watching my friend hit it from below and this one gaper screams "OOOHHH GOD!" from the lift like this kid's life was about to end, it was fucking great haha.
 
so I'm in the lift line with my friend, and we over hear this dad and his kid, the kids like 6-8 years old and the dad says "thomas, did you try an arial 180 and land on your bottom?" i got a good laugh out of that
 
i met him too! he was haulin it in the "trick track" and fell and lost his ski..and i got it for him and we chatted it up. ahaha
 
it was the 2nd to last weekend at schweitzer and we had a pretty good soul crew goin. were doin a bunch of classy trians with some good daffys, kangs, and such. anyway we were goin in for a train and after we hit the first jump we crossed over in front of the next hit to get to a log rail. my friend gets maybe 30 feet from this guy and appearently he thought he was snaked and started cussin out my friend. so we all yell at him and haul ass through the park after him. we get about 500 feet from the lift and i start telling everyone to spray him when he's waiting in the lift line. so we all haul balls down there and our crew of probably 20 people sprayed the bajesus out of this 6'4 + beast. he grabs my original friend by the throat and says ill kick your ass right now. from a distance my other friend drills this guy in the face with a snowball. he is pissed as hell. he whipes himself off and says i'll kick all of your asses right now and procedeed to think he was bad ass by saying i'll take you to the bathroom and bend you over right now. again from a distance my friend drills him in the face with a snowball and says "you would you homo". we laughed so damn hard. probably best time of the year
 
Gaper: hey! are you a freestylist?

Me. a.......sure

Gaper: Like jeremy Bloom?

me: no

Gaper: o. How do you get to the U-ditch thing?

Me: Colorado Doesn't have those anymore to many people from Nebraska got hurt.
 
while i hate dirty assumptive prissy gapers as much as everyone else, i wish people would take a second and remember that a new person going to a ski mountain is a big step for them. a lot of the things i see quoted in here are not that newbish in nature (such as asking about rockers).

just remember, skiing is already considered elitist in general, and newschooling is understood by few even in the ski world (just watch warren miller movies haha). point being, dont be a turn off to genuinely interested new folks who are curious or who are complete neophytes to the sport. we are already trying to separate ourselves with the fur wearing aspen ski crowd, and we might as well set a reputation for being somewhat friendly in or out of the park. especially to those right minded kids trying to learn threes fives and backflips in the park. that was me and you and many of your friends more recently than we would like to admit.

sorry to preach on a mad old thread
 
ya i have the green and purple mojo 90's (06's i think) and whenever im on the lift and theres some noob beside me there like "are those two different skis? that must make it hard to turn eh?" and im just like no there a pair there just different colours.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top