The best gaper quotes

that's not the stupid part.. I think it's pretty smart to wear one, but everyone is entitled to do what they want.. I was laughing because he was like oooh, I'm so goood, why would I need one?!! and he's definitely not.
 
got this one the other day from a girl on the lift

girl-hey what do you attach to the bottom of your skis to kepp you on those pipes?

me-i think you mean rails and nothing we just balance.

girl-are you lying to me?

me- umm no look at the bottom of my skis and you will see there is nothing there

girl- looks at my skis and goes wow im really surprised thats kinda cool
 
So my friend and I are on the lift with this Father/Son Gaper duo.

Here is a sampling of his finest quotes.

Father: "Woah, that guy just did a 420. Thats what you call it, right?

A full circle with a 180. Thats 360 plus 180. So its a 540!"

After spotting a group of Asians.

Father: "Do not go up to them and yell BONSAI !! Thats politically wrong.

Son: "Why is that dad?"

Father: "Its like calling a black guy n*gger. After what we did to them,

bombed them and all that, you just can't say it anymore. You can

say it about them, just not to their face."

After getting off the lift he leads his son down the park and does the most

spastic back scratchers and spread eagles.

"Follow me, Follow me. Over this jump, spread eagles TOGETHER!!!"

We were trying to hold it in the whole time. The guy was a riot.
 
i was skiing with my buddy and his crew the other day, and 2 guys were talking about going to Coc. some old guy butts in and asks " where is that " they said, its a camp at whistler in summer.

so he says ohh so do you have to put wheels on the bottom of your skiis
 
i was on the lift singing "ghetto gospel" and this old guy looks at me and says :

him:dont quit your day job

me:ya im just messin around

him:(looks at my twins) your skis look like womans skis
 
worthless piece of info for ya...

360s are actually called helicopters (generally abbreviated to heli(s)) in freestyle waterski jumping...(like the shit you see at sea world, etc) but 7s are still called 7s......so that's why you might hear the term "helicopter" on the mountain.

 
it's not a quote but i just find really funny how gapers hold their skis.... like they don't have the ability to hold them toghether or something.
 
And maybe because that is what people use to call them back when bump skiers were the only people doing tricks...like in the 70s, that is why old people say helicocpters.
 
me:do you love to ski backwards?

gaper"duh...thats why i have twin tips!

gaper:do you like to do rail slides in the jump park?

me:ya

gaper: wait you guys can go in there? i thought that was only for snowboarders

me: wow
 
ha ha well i personally know 8 50+ yr old dudes but Im sure there are a lot more throughout the show skiing community. some of these old dudes throw down pretty hard...
 
I got in the gondi one day with a snowrake in my hand. One of the gapers in there asked me "How does that thing work? Do you stand on it and ride it down?"
 
at my aunt's for easter

my parents tell my familly I have a comp

I won't tell the whole thing because I cant remember but still

try to explain your grandparents what is a slopestyle!
 
I overheard a kid on the lift talking about glades and he was wondering how they were made. His friend says that they were made by animals running through the woods.
 
Gapers in lift line ahead of me:

Guy 1:

"I don't think it is safe for me to be going on this run."

His "experienced" friend

"Don't worry. The faster you go, the easier it is to turn."

Standing in line wearing my bad lieutenant:

Gaper mom with her kid:

"Is that a german army helmet?"

Me:

"No, it is modeled after US military helmets."

Gaper mom:

"Do you support the Nazi's?"

Me:

"Only when I am skiing backwards."

 
Lady: Its really warm up here today it must be like 7 degress C

Me: (look at my thermometer on my jacket) nope its actualy negative 5 thats why its snowing and not raining

Lady: Well your thermometer must be wrong, and where i come from we can get snow at +7

Me: Do you call it rainpow?

Lady: No we call it champagne powder

Me: Shake my head for the rest of the trip....
 
I was checking out a pair of pontoons earlier this season and a guy next to me was like

so you strap both feet into that huh

no you don't

yeah, it's like waterskiing

no it isnt

hmm

really

no
 
i ride the dumonts, and every week now it seems like some fuckin wanker will go up the chair with me and be like.....
gaper " wow, why do you have two different skis on?"
me " I dont. they are the same"
i show them that they are the same tip of one ski and tail of the other..

or still about my skis
gaper" did you put your bindings backwards on that one ski to make them different"

gaper "do you do those metal sliders"?

or especially, this one drives me fucki insane

gaper "how fast do you go for that bottom jump"?
me " what"?
gaper "yea i can do the first jump but then how much speed do you need?"
me " what the fuck am i supposed to tell you, should i give you a number or like say when you pass the fifth tree and then the sixth tree exactly .7 seconds later, you are going to slow.."
fuck what the hell do i say to that?

fuck i hate gapers,
 
o fuck and the best of all,
nancy green the olypmic ski racing champion from like 50 years ago skis at our hill and is the director of skiing.. she is the biggest bitch , a fuckin drunk whore.. and she always skis around with tourists being a really useless piece of work...

and i work at the park at our hilll and she comes in all the time at the end of the day with all her gaper tourist cult followers.
nancy" wow you just doing such a great job in here guys so its great, i just love the park this year"
me" umm thanks"
nancy" (talking to her gaper buddies) we would hit these jumps but as you can see they are closing them and we dont have our helmets on"
me"( in my head am like, yea fuck it nancy send it i will keep it open for an olympic champion)"

or during a big snowboard contest
the announcer for the contest says
" o and i big 900 out of so and so"
and nancy rolls up and says " was that a 900!!!!!"
me " fuck"

or like " we should just stop building terrains parks here and build a snowboard and skier crosss. those will bring in more money cuz we can have races and stuff and then we can have a skier and boardercross program integrated into my nancy green race program"

FUCK YOU NANCY
 
a kid at my school is apparently a really good snowboarder. his binder says "jib lyfe" and "shred" and hes all decked out in like DC stuff.

well for the first 2 years of highschool he was never spotted on the hill. then one day my friend was at at rail jam and saw him there. the next day he was in class and my friend mentioned that he saw him at the ski hill. so i talked to him

me-"hey dude, curtis said he saw you at the rail jam"

him-"yeah its pretty epic right now, why werent you there?"

me"i was at sunshine for opening day, so how did you do?"

him-"oh i couldnt go into it they said it was full, so i just hit the jumps"

me-"uh cop doesn't have any jumps right now only a couple rails"

him- no they built a hip, i was just dicking around with some 180's and spins and a couple front flips, just steezin"

me-"cool...."

well he put his facebook status to "steezin on the hip" and talked about getting sponsers and stuff i guess it turned out that he was hitting the side of the wallride to flat, and doing sketch straight airs like 3 feet off the ground.

i called him out on it and now he says he quit snowboarding and stuff, its good though cause i dont have to talk about gear with him anymore.

wow i just typed like a novel on this

 
I got down to the bottom of the park at whitefish, MT, and this gaper stopped me

Gaper: Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Gaper: I was up in that superbowl with my brother and we got separated. Y'all seen him? Have Y'all seen a skier with a blue jacket?

I just skied away.
 
Park City over x-mas:

kid throws a pretty steezy 7 over the last jump in pick n shovel, and from the chairlift i hear 'DOUBLE HELICOPTER!!'

yeah yeah i know helicopter is a word for 360 so it makes sense but still a little funny
 
I will laugh when you get put in a coma for a month... no i wont.. but you should still wear a helmet when doing things where you could fuck up your head badly.

just saying this cause i was skiing with this guy in austria who was really sick (switch cork 9 true nose over 70 footer) and on one hit he just kind of caught his edge and whip lashed his head against the ground, knocked out cold, coma, had to be airlifted off the mountain. i know skiing without a helmet looks cooler but it really does save your head. anywho not tryin to preach, do whatever you want, but after that happened i always wear one when i go in park now.
 
on the lift with a snowboard kid at sunapee like a week ago, he had some dope crowbars that has "eastern" or something on em, which started the conversation

me: hey, i like your crowbars, man

kid: thanks, i got em for free, im sponsored by eastern boarder

me: hey thats cool

kid: so are you good at skiing?

me: im not bad, not the best tho

kid: can you do a back flip?

me: (wow its about he asked that), nah dude i cant

kid: o, that sucks.

later i saw him try to 5050 a down rail and fell on his ass after going less than a foot

but hey at least he gets his shit for free
 
my little brother was a huge gaper and we took him to go shredding, we went to the park and he said "can you teach me how to get air", he was 13 at the time
 
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hahhhahha
 
hahahaa this brings the lols

at least you guys dealt with passive gapers

i call drop and out of nowhere this gaper gremlin comes speeding down and snakes me.

i am pretty pissed so when i see him at the top of the pipe i scream Paaarrlk Ettiquette!!!

then he turns around and starts is like FUCK YOU and starts cussing.

so of course i chased him down and slashed him on the next run. ha!!!
 
man! i went to turn on the powder but i turned in it! hahahaha it made my day.

and the obvious backflip question...

today, i got a "yo bro this guys skiing backwards!"

and always get old people stopping, and watching me ski switch in complete amazement.
 
I was up with a buddy of mine who is a gaper ( he's new ) he said when you grab the front of the ski (truckdriver) it looked like a sex position.

I just said he was gay and pushed him over.

 
haha I recognize that rail. I did the exact same thing off the take off when I was there on Xmas break. It's not me in the pic though, I'm not that steezy.
 
Hah i get so many wierd looks skiing my hellbents. One time this guy i was riding the lift with was looking at my hellbents and he's like

gaper: those are some pretty wide skis

me: ya theyre powder skis

gaper: o ya thats cool

me:...

gaper: so did you like bend those or something? (referring to the rocker on my skis)

me: proceeded to just stare at him

Another one that we got was at our local mountain and this snowboarder was like

gaper: wow, thats they best skier i've ever seen

my friend had come off early on the flat down bar they had setup

thats all i've got but keep em coming
 
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