The best gaper quotes

"are you sponsored?""no"

"then why do you have stickers on your helmet?"

"because they look good"

"you know you arent allowed to have those if you arent sponsored right?"

*I proceed to leave*
 
I was talking to my friend in class and some gaper chick came up to us and said "Wow, you guys can do like flips and stuff? I went over a box once and almost died". We proceeded with our conversation as if nothing happened.
 
Gaper in my graphics class last year who claims to snowboard says
"skiings for faggots, when I snowboard I hit the rail so fast that I only have to tap my board on the rail"
he also said
"there aren't even any real tricks in skiing. Don't try to tell me crossing your skis is a trick"
 
cool guy overall friend of mine, this happened at class:

Gaper: oh, can you 360?

Me: yeah

G: really?

M: yeah

G: but like backwards or forwards?

M: what?

** he starts making the motion with his fingers, spinning one over the other backwards and forward **

M: you mean a backflip and a frontflip?

G: yeah

M: well then no i can't

G: oh, i guess a 360 for you is just spining like this

**starts with the finger motions again**

M: well it's not like if i am the only who calls it that, but yeah, thats what a 360 is

couldn't hel but crack laughing, but he was cool with it

gotta love this guy
 
cool guy overall friend of mine, this happened at class:

Gaper: oh, can you 360?

Me: yeah

G: really?

M: yeah

G: but like backwards or forwards?

M: what?

** he starts making the motion with his fingers, spinning one over the other backwards and forward **

M: you mean a backflip and a frontflip?

G: yeah

M: well then no i can't

G: oh, i guess a 360 for you is just spining like this

**starts with the finger motions again**

M: well it's not like if i am the only who calls it that, but yeah, thats what a 360 is

couldn't help but crack laughing, but he was cool with it... and yeah, he was pretty right when a backflip is a 360 in it's essence

gotta love this guy
 
there was this one time me and my friend were hiking this t rail and these 3 girls put there skis on the rail, stand on the rail, then clip in and slide down it. they would not leave

 
So I have two gaper stories, one about my own mother, and one about some lady on a chairlift next to me.

So basically my mate had just bought himself a new pair of poles at the beginning of the season (Panda Poles) made from bamboo. Me, my parents and my mate's father were sitting in a restaurant, while my mate was still outside putting his skis on the rack. this is how the conversation went:

My mum: So what's the deal with those bamboo poles?

My mates dad (joking of course): Oh yeah, those, well basically when you go off piste, and say get stranded for the night, you can burn them so that you keep warm.

My mum (totally convinced): Ah okay, they would probably also give off smoke signals as well so it could help the ski patrollers find you. That's a great idea right there.

Me and my dad were just in hysterics, my mate explained they were just for decoration later on when he came in.

The second story was from when I was in Courchevel and I was on a four-seater with some woman. I don't remember the exact conversation she had with her daughter but i think i heard my favorite ever gaper quote: "we have to leave early again today, I need to take my skis into the shop to get them dried out."

I ignored her and correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think you get your skis dried out:

A) by a shop

B) at all

I just had to ignore her and put up with the rest of her babbling nonsense for the remainder of the journey.
 
(on the chair)

me "do you like snowboarding"

him "yea its fun but really scary when you are going like 30 mph with only like a piece of plywood between you feet"

me "yea i know bro"
 
I was skiing late season A Basin last weekend and these gapers on the chairlift sitting next to me were talking about the pond skim. One said "wow there is a lot of standing water there, that looks pretty dangerous" then his friend replied with "yeah, they should really put some snow in there and cover that up so nobody gets hurt"
 
every time I ride my pow skis, surface One Lifes, I get 10 comments a day on how my skis are snapped broken bent and so on. Also heard a kid tell his friend that the rocker on them was water skiing
surface-onelife-ski-11-1-zoom.jpg
 
I was on my way walking out of my mountain one night on the pavement and some chick came ripping on to the pavement in front of me and completely face planted. I didn't know what to do so I hoped she was OK and kept going
 
Do you happen to know what day this was? Me and my friend overheard a similar conversation and were saying shit like that all day. We were dressed as gapers too so it could have been us.
 
Saw one walking through our food area. Guy remined me of th retard from office space a bit. His shirt had ' punters are people too'. Not sure quite what was going on there but I was cracking up.
 
I know it wasn't on the official gaper day (april 1). I think it was probably pretty close to june 1st or 2nd, or maybe the weekend before that. They sounded pretty convincing and I'm pretty sure they were actual gapers (rental skis/boots was kind of a give away).
 
Girl approaches me and my friend taking pictures at big air finals at x games a two years back in Aspen. (She is drunk, and wearing uggs and a miniskirt, while it is easily one of the coldest nights of the whole competition.) Girl to me, "Are you sponsored by Saga?" I proceed to look at my friend and almost die laughing. Me to girl, "Why do you ask?" Girl says, "Well you're wearing a saga jacket, and you have one of those Canon cameras." Me to girl, "hahaha, really?" Girl exclaims, "Yes." I looked at her and said, "No we are not sponsored by Saga, and if we were, we probably wouldn't be standing here with everyone else. How old are you anyways?" Girl shouts, "15, well you didn't have to be so rude jackass, I was going to sleep with you." She then proceeds to walk away with her high-top osiris clad friends. I literally almost pissed everywhere when it happened.
 
I'm sure we've all been called pro by non-skier friends...

But my favorite quote that I here all the time is when a gaper is trying to record their run with a gopro and at the top of the run they keep asking me "Bro, is it blinking?"

I'm Just like "yeah, but next time you should take your helmet off to check."
 
gaper at my school told me he was gonna get a "seasonal blend" coat. yesterday he asked me if i could bigspin on skis.
 
While in the gondola in aspen an old man was listening to music in his dre beats ear buds. He proceeded to have a conversation with my friends and I about "Dr. Dred" and how wonderful his headphones are. I lost it mid conversation.
 
are you guys open in the summer?

my resort is in southern PA btw

i also enjoy when it starts to snow everyone asking if that is the snowmakers. yes we have snowmakers in the sky
 
*waiting in ski lift*gaper snowboarder- "shit that dude has powder skis"

me-"no they're not powder skis, they're only 91 underfoot"

gaper snowboarder-"yeah i have no idea what that means"

And another one, with just me chillen in the park and a family came over, so they were talking about which jump to hit and then the father goes, "just hit the one on the far right thats the smallest" (there was only two jumps and the "jump" they were referring to was the knuckle) i was looked at them and thought major gaper, they were also in the intermediate terrain park and not the beginner park which had small jumps, rollers and boxes
 
I was watching mutiny at school on my iPad right at the part where clayton goes over the fence to the huge down rail, this kid walks up to me and says "Woah! Is that you?"

I'm just like- "yeah. Obviously."
 
A trail merges with a uphill trail and my friend does a 360 on the lip where the trails merge. He gets yelled at some the race team coach. I see the coach later in the lift line and he is talking to his team and says, "Did you see that clown, he did an efffin helicopter and didn't even look uphill (The uphill trail was closed and there was grass and rocks sticking out of it). I think I'm gonna pull his lift ticket!"

Btw can the race team coach actually pull your ticket?
 
HAHAHA

I was in line one day about a season or two ago and a little kid came up to me and asked me about my cool trick skis. I was nice to him and told him about how you can ski backward with them and how you can slide rails with them etc. Later that day I am in the park and I see the same little kid bombing toward a small box. Right as he hits it, instead of doing the gaper thing and skiing off to the side of it, he fucking sends it and completely clears the 10' box (pretty huge for a kid his size), he fucking popped off the lip and everything. He lands on his feet, and because he sent it so hard, is smashed into the ground. He gets up and throws his fists in the air and says how awesome it was. Everyone around is clapping and clicking poles when all of the sudden, his gaper dad comes up screaming "are you okay!?" He asks "WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUMP OVER THE METALS?!?". I am just standing there, still cheering the kid on and he points me out and says that I told him about sliding on the rails. His dad comes over to me and bitches me out for giving me the idea to jump over the "metals". After he is done he turns around, probably to tell his kid to never go in the park again, and his kid hits him directly in the face with a big, stinging, slushy snowball. That was the day a park skier was born and one of the greatest moments of my life.

So best gaper quote is:

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUMP OVER THE METALS?!?"

and a gaper dad calling the rails and boxes "metals" repeatedly.
 
So I was texting my friend that is a girl that's a racer about skiing, and somehow the topic of skiing outfits came up. Here's the conversation that happened:

Me: *sends pic of me wearing ski outfit*

Friend: You look like you're melting!

Me: uh i'm kinda sagging, i guess it's a park skier thing.

Friend: Ahahahaha it's like a snowboarder outfit!

Me: ...I don't even...

 
So last season I was visiting Ruka and at the liftline, when suddenly Mr Douchebag Sr. and Mr Douchebag Jr passed me."Hey! What the hell are you doing??!"

"You are not a real skier, so go back to your jumping places and that kinda shit!"

"But I need the lift to get to the fucking park"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I fucking do!"

"Well not anymore, Because the way you talked around my son!"

That bastard took my lift ticket and went to the lift. I'm never going to Ruka again!
 
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