The best gaper quotes

pretty much anything i say is a gaper quote like "that was fuckin' extreme, lets get some fuckin' mountain dew"
 
not really a gaper story but there was this snowboard kid on the chair telling his friend about how he did a 'fat melon' of a 'massive jump'. the jump was mebe 3 foot. i laughed.
 
Even in my short time skiing I have many gaper experiences.
"Do you ski french fries or pizza?"
"OMG!!!1!111one!!11! YOU WENT DOWN RENEGADE THATS LIKE 90 DEGREES" It's my hills steepest black and it's not even that steep at all... probably would be like a hard blue or easy black out west.
"Wow you did the NASCAR (yes they said Nascar, not nastar) race?! Are you like going to be a professional skier?"
"We're gonna go to the park, it looks sick." referring to a run with a roller and a 4 ft long box. thats it.
"Do you have wide skis so you can balance on them easier?"
At dicks sporting goods...
Sales guy - what size shoe are you?Some lady - a tenSales guy brings out boot "we only have an 11, but i brought it out anyway"Lady - these are too tight, I can't move my feet.sales guy - ok let me get a 12.Me to lady when the sales guy left - did he even measure your foot?lady - ...no..?Sales guy comes back - here you goMe testing out the guy - Hi can you bring me out a 26.5 in those rossi boots on the bottom?guy - Huh? a 26 and a half? that isnt even a real shoe size.Me to lady - Don't waste your money in here.
I LOLED for 10 minutes after that.

 
gaper:why do your skis spray snow from the back

me:cause they are twin tips

gaper:well, why do they do that

me:its some, physics thing that you probably wont understand, even i probably sont understand

gaper:well, is there any way you can make it NOT do that

me:yeah, let me just change a law of physics right now just for you. they also spray snow at the people that annoy me

gaper:how do i annoy you?

that, was the end of the conversation.
 
My friends mom was asking me a few questions about how I broke my foot, our conversation play out like this.

"So how did you break your foot?"

"Skiing."

"Oh are you on the race team at Grouse (my local mountain)?"

"Nope, I ski in the terrain park."

"Oh so you snowboard?"

"Nope, I ski."

"Huh, I didn't know skiers were allowed in the terrain park."
 
I heard this while i was instructing

Me: What grade are you in?

Kid: 2nd

Me: what school

Kid: i forget the name

Me: oh well what city do you live in

Kid: well i don't live in a city i live in a neighborhood

 
alright, so a few of my friends are riding in the gondola, and one of them says "these gloves are sooo warm, my hands are tingling." then some gaper lady says, "I bet they're tingling becasue your hands are actually really cold." so he says to her in a really pissed off tone, "HAHA, GOOD ONE! except they're burning HOT!" nothing was said for the rest of the ride.
 
oh man, tell me about it. people just assume i snowboard ALL THE TIME. even if you say you ski, but you tell them you go into the terrain park. or they just plain forget and think i'm a snowboarder.
 
i had a old gaper on the chair with me.
old gaper- woohooo they are some fancy skis you got there, what kind are they.
me- they are head j.o's
old gaper- so do you have to be 18 to ski on them because they have the partially nude girl on them
me-..............
 
some new hire instructor at my mountian:

Gaper: Yo how do you like your chronics?

Me: I like them alot

Gaper: I have the same pair, your topsheet is chipping alot though.

Me: yea w/e

Gaper: Yea you didnt detune the topsheet correctly.

Me: oh, yea (wtf is this kid talking about)

Gaper: If mine do that i will just warranty them from Line

Then i just ignored him.

1st of all, detuneing the topsheet? you serious?

2nd, topsheet chipping is not warrantable

I hate kids who dont know what they are talking about
 
I have read threads on here that recommend filing the corners of your topsheet to prevent chipping, so that might be what he was talking about..........'tis pretty funny he thought it was warranteeable though
 
I've got two
my friend and I were seshing a sick rail but all these people kept hitting the lip as a jump and not popping, so it was turning into a lump of snow. so we started tellign people that its a rail, not a jump. then this lady came by
us: its a rail not a jumplady: no you're wrong its actually a jump toous: .....
and then there was this fag at my school with snowblades
me (playing dumb): hey what are thosekid: trick skisme: cool what are they for?kid: tricksme: what can you do?kid: (glares at me and does that "im watching you" thing with his two fingers and skates away
I then watch him hit a (TINY) jump and he cased it in the back seat and washed out so badly. earlier that week i also saw him renting brokeback mountain from our library so....
 
while i was riding up the lift yesterday, i hear a girl start screaming, so i look down, and shes trying to follow her BF through like 2 inches of powder, yelling at her boyfriend for taking her down an "unpaved" run....i think she meant groomed, but i got a good laugh out of it
 
little 5 year old gapers wanted my autograph because i ate shit about 3002023091 times learning pretzels then did a backflip for them
 
a man on the lift asked me if i painted my skis myself (last year's anthems). he then proceeded to offer me a beer, which i gratefully accepted. funny thing about this is that im quite obviously 17 years old. i suppose some gapers know whats up
 
I underrotated a front and some little kid came up amazed and asked me if I was sponsored

And Yesterday I did a seven and an eleven and his younger brother came up to me amazed and asked if they could ski with me

Not really quotes but whatever
 
My brother and his gf just graduated college and moved up to Montana to ski for a couple months before starting real adult lives. His gf has never left alabama before and while watching Claim, she asked:

her "so do they let girls be professional skiers too?!"

me *laughs for a second* "yes, there's quite a few"

her "but they can't do the same tricks though, right? that looks so scary!"

me "haha I'll show you..."

I think Ingrid is her new hero...
 
two kid asked my friend if he could backflip so he did one and they go to him " that was soo sick. you should be in the xgames!!"

some lady goes to me on the lift

Lady- how old are you

me- 14

lady- and your mom let you get those skis(in a real bitchy voice)

me- yup

 
it wasn't a quote... but there was a woman who had her goggles on upside down. she ended up crashing on the transfer tow across the flats
 
family in the jbar line for the half pipe

Mom: That was fun, when you get better you can go up the side of the pipe for extra fun.

Those wern't the exact words, but the first thing I though of was the steps to becoming a freeskier.

Also a little (7) girll in the line told me and my freind that our trick skis were to big.
 
oops

http://www.snowtrails.org/photo/view_photo.php?full=1&set_albumName=12-29-07-Rail-Jam&id=img_4092

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i was riding the chair with this guy and his geeky lookin kid who was on a snowboard. they both looked like huuuuge gapers.

dad: so were the obstacles in the terrain park bigger than you expected?

son: mmmmmm not reeeeally....maybe a little

dad: well ya see, the thing about jumps is its all about the landing zone. if the landing zone is good, then its easy.

son: yeah....
 
gaper chode shaped kid in my school

Chode: Shit I wanna hit the box sideways but everytime i get to scared.

Me:.....

* skis away because riding up in silence is more productive than talking to this kid
 
at the mini park with a couple rails and a couple small-ish kickers

gaper (has gaper gap, cotton army...) rolls up with a pair of old straight rossis...

gaper - those moguls are sick!!

me - what moguls??

gaper - those big mounds

me - those are kickers for the landings (I point to the landings)

gaper - naw brah, those are moguls!!

he was just skiin down and rolling over the kickers and landings...

 
some racer: did u hit the booster?

Me:umm what

racer: ya the huge jump in the park. u no its called the booster right?
 
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