Why Can't I own a Canadian?

Capt.Flannel

Capt.Flannel

Active member
this is a bit long, but read the intro and parts. This dude fuckin owns this writer:

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

________________________________________

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Jim

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Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

oh shit! hahahahaha
 
The ten commandments say not to use the lords name in vain, but scratch174 insists on doing it. Would a simple beheading be acceptable, or should I do something special?
 
I wish I could own a mexican, i'd call him pedro and i'd feed him taco's while he mowed my lawn and cleaned sink.
 
Haha this just shows you don't know what you're talking about. Christians believe that we no longer have to follow those rules set out in the old testament. Research the difference between Judaism and Christianity before making anymore posts like this please.
 
Well, that lady is an orthodox jew, so this particular piece doesn't prove that. Although it doesnt really need to be proved that religion in general is bullshit. And I dont mean that in an offensive way.
 
haha crazy christians, everytime society and or science proves previously thought laws to be wrong, we can just change and make it look like we were right the whole time!!!
 
Talk about people being brainwashed. At least Jim pointed out some great arguments showing that religion is past date. Really, who wants to believe every word in a book...except for scientologists
 
hahahahah and shut up sheldon.

According to the Bible, Jesus was the fulfillement of the Law of Moses, the end of those laws. Ergo, since CHRIST, no one uses those laws anymore, unless you are conservative muslim or jewish.

Homosexuality is the only one of those laws mentionned and reenforced in the new testament.

Dr Laura is a noob though.
 
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2

clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to

kill him myself?

pretty much lost it on this one.

haha she got pwned. i hate that bitch. my gpa listenz to her.
 
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