Things that you always thought until someone told you that your life was a lie

You're shitting me (no pun intended). How could you possibly get a decent cleaning if you're sitting?
 
i thought santa was real until like first grade, and my mom told me he wasnt and my response was "well...is jesus real?"

hahahha
 
I pronounced toothpaste twoface when I was little. I think it was because I was a huge Batman fan.

And I kept saying Joseph as Joefish
 
When people would say: don't use the lords name in vein i thought vein was a place and it would bother me so much because i wasn't in vein when i was saying it.
 
before i learned to handwrite i always thought cursive was just scribbling on the page and didnt understand when my mom couldn't read it. i also thought water towers like shot water everywhere like a sprinkler when there was a fire.
 
haha yeah a group of my friends had this discussion a couple years back, we were all shocked that it was split 50/50 between standing and sitting. ive always stood. the other argument that was also split 50/50 was whether you folded the TP or bunched it up. bunch for sure.

im kinda suprised no one has mentioned especially. both my good friend and one of my ex gf's always pronounce it eXpecially. my ex even admitted that she wrote/typed it with the x until her sophomore year of college when her mom corrected her, no clue how her teachers didnt call her out on that one.

when i was little my friend always called ramen noodles "doodle bugs" so i thought thats what they actually called for a really long time.
 
hahahaha ok this reminded me about something some kid said in my english class. We were talking about sex for whatever reason, I forget what book we were talking aout but I guess that irrelevant, and this kid just totally out of context goes "I used to think sex was when you just kissed naked." haha the teacher, whos pretty hot by the way, was just like uhh...oh it was glorious I guess it was a had to be there moment though
 
about a year ago I tried to use the word "definitely" in a paper, but I thought it was spelled "defidently", I was so off that spell check couldn't even recommend a word.

i also thought that "yesterday" was spelled "yesturday"

and in like first grade I thought that there were 2 N's in the alphabet.. "w, x, y, n, z" but the N was really just "and"
 
My little brother for the longest time thought it was "Ba-sketti" instead of Spaghetti, and that Pocohantas was Hocapantas. Though I guess those are more pronunciation issues, he still had a hard time realizing the difference.
 
up until this thread some landlubbers had no idea what sea glass was, one person thought it was ehen lightning strikes a beach.
 
I know man. I am completely serious when i say all kids who whip sitting are walking around with shitty asses. Completely serious. Having tried to do it sitting....dear god.

Sitting kids - wipe sitting, then stand up and try. Then be disgusted at the state you have been living in all these years.
 
yea i cant sit while wiping. i've probably done it a couple of times back in the day. Explicitly, with a hairy ass, sitting is NOT an option. There.

As for some shit, I thought Persimmon lenses (from Oakley) were called permission lenses. My girlfriend brought light my dyslexic mistake.
 
One of my friends thought that Ai bot was pronounced AL bot, then when I explained it to him and said it was AI for artificial intelligence, he decided I was wrong and still says al.
 
up until i read this post i thought it was called nuking it... I also always said "amblience" instead of "ambulance", and i still do up to this day.
 
How the hell do you wipe standing up? When you're standing up it squeezes your cheeks together and it's impossible to get in there. When you sit you can pull your cheeks apart using the seat and everything is open for optimal whiping.
 
i hate to get in depth with this to prove you wrong, but it has to be done...

when standing up, the ass cheeks are closed together, thus making it harder to get to where you need to be. when sitting the cheeks are spread so all you have to do is tilt and wipe, it is much more efficient. also much easier, and you don't look like a retard doing it.

REFERENCE:

Now I can't generalize about all males out there, so please don't be offended if you don't fit into the group I'm about to describe. Okie dokie, let's have a little chat about skids. Skids? Yes, skids, ya know, the brown residue left in your underwear after busting ass, OR inefficient wiping of the anal region? I'm sure you fellas aren't the proudest when you walk out of the bathroom, shit-stained underwear and all....afterall, what kind of man are you if you can't even wipe your own ass decently? Not only are you embarassed by your new brown little secret, but everyone else in a 5ft radius of you also knows you did a shit job of wiping (quite literally). But that's not even the worst of it. You boyfriends and husbands who get your ladies to do the laundry- yes we know it was you who had a bad bathroom day, not only by the smell radiating off of you, but by the actual proof: not-so-whitie tighties or crusted poop residue on the ass seam of your boxers. Do us all a favor and take the necessary steps of cleaning up your mess. Better yet, how about you prevent the brown underwear devil itself. The following is a list I've come up with to help you with your problem:

1. wiping position- I will bet you 10 bucks that skids only happen to dudes who try the standing-up wipe. IT DOESN'T WORK. You need to be sitting down with those ass cheeks spread to have access to the most ass surface area. Standing up to do it may get you outta the bathroom quicker, but a hefty price (aka massive skids)

2. wiping technique- It's pretty self explanatory, but I'll discuss it incase you weren't paying attention in Potty Training 101. When you wipe, you continue to do so until there is no brown left on the TP. Yes that means you'll officially be called a "looker", but it's the lookers who have the cleanest asses, so suck it up and just look. There is no way to gauge the progress of wiping just by the feel, and even though it's fuckin weird to look at your shit, ya gotta do it!

3. avoiding the infamous clog- I know some of you don't like to use too much TP for fear of clogging the toilet (it's just as bad as being shit stained). Here's a lil technique that'll ease those fears: depending on how big your shit was, you've got a good 3-5 wipes before you'll need to flush. Don't sweat it if you're on wipe 5 and you're barely seeing a decrease in poop on your TP. There's nothing wrong with multiple flushes. It is time consuming, but well worth it.

4. get to the bathroom when you first feel the poop urge- Holding your poop back (aka butt cheek squeezing) will work sometimes, but don't always bank on it. For hard poop, I give you the green light to hold it sometimes, but don't make it a habit. Soft poop, well that's a gamble, so it's your call. Watery poop should NEVER NEVER NEVER be held back because as many of you probably already know, it can get thru even the tightest of clenched cheeks. All in all, it's just better to go when you're body tells you, even if it'll inconvienience you.

5. bring back-up underwear with you- for those just starting out with trying to avoid/prevent skids, it's wise to bring an extra pair of underwear to work (keep them in your car or desk). If you soil your pants, you'll have fresh ones awaiting you. What to do with your soiled pants? You have a few choices:
a). Leave them right next to the stall, no one will ever know it was you
(don't flush them, you'll end up with a clog). Plus what a laugh you'll
give the guys at work, all joking about the poor dude who messed his
pants!
b). Take them home with you and throw them out of the window while driving.
That'll certainly give the road clean-up crew something to smile about.
c). Use them them as revenge for someone in the office you hate. Imagine the
look on their face when they open their desk drawer and find them.
Alternately, attatching them to someones car antenna will work too.

6. do your own laundry- If you happen to have a bad day in the defecating dept.,
simply do your own laundry so that us girlfriends/wives don't even know. Plus you doing your own laundry MAY win you some brownie points :)

I think that about covers it. Now go out and fight the good fight.

*BTW- chics don't get skids, because we already know all of this stuff :)

 
i thought that moguls like for skiing were mongols but my friends called me fucking idiot and that mongols were warriors
 
no worries. I think it is just how it works for people.

having tried it sitting, I found it completely ineffective. It may work for you, but doesn't for me.
 
ill test sitting down and standing up next time i take a shit. but i always thought hand me downs were hammy downs
 
in high school I was teaching myself japanese and unknowingly, I used to write kanji almost illegibly. it was pretty funny.. I had to get my chinese friends to help me. but I don't think anyone on here would get it if I tried to explain
 
when sitting down the ass cheeks are spread yes, but you also have less wiping strength. when your standing up you can get in there real good with lots of force to wipe up the shit. standing up is way better
 
I thought it was "centrivical force" not "centripidal force"

i went around telling jokes about aphrodisiacs when i was younger, to my grandma, then i realized what it meant

theres a ton more, if i remember them ill put em up

 
For some reason I always thought the saying went " 30 Days passed September, April, June, And November "

But I just learned today that it's "hath" not "passed".. oops
 
pony = any horse thats under 14.2 hands. some are just small horses, but most are actual pony breeds. my horse is still called a dutch riding pony even though he's 15.2, he just wouldn't be able to compete in pony classes.

miniature horse = like 30 inch tall horses. horse dwarfs.

yearling = 1 year old horse

foal = a horse under 1 year

weanling = weaned horse

haha
 
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