okay this may seem a bit long, but it was the funniest night of the year.
n Austria, there is this huge festival called Schaanerriad, where about 15.000 people dress up, drink and hook up with random girls. Do think we stayed at home? Actually you don’t seem to know us very well. I just took my teletubbie- costume and headed over.
At the time I arrived, Alex was already somewhere between shithoused and fuck up, and in the right rage-against-everything mood. I just looked at the party and decided to get myself a beer at first. The fact that I had not eaten anything for the last 12 hours had some cool effects on my body, and actually, after only two beer I felt that something has to happen now.
When we were at the bar again, the bartender, a bearded mid 40, seemed to igonre me constantly. All my waving and shouting didn’t seem to interest him- so I did the only thing I could do in this situation. In my best Spanglish I shouted as loud as I could ‘!Dos cervezas! Can you understand me??!BEEEER!!’
After drinking some more sips of the essence of life we decided to try to find some girls. You have to know, at this festival, literally EVERY girl that runs around is out for some sexual action. This is the main reason why there are so many people.
Nevertheless, we tried to find some hotties to talk to. We headed over to a group of girls that Alex seemed to know. The were not bad, but a bit young, so after like 5 minutes I got really bored and tried my best to make them leave us. Alex was still lost in conversation, so I said in a smooth way:
Alex, come on guy. There are more girls in this place.
Alex: Yeah, but I know them. They are in our school
Jules (to the girls): We. Have. To. Leave. Right. Now. We’ll search our REAL friends. See u later.
I noticed that, since they were kinda into us, the seemed quite pissed. We moved on anyways.
While our alcohol-level is increasing and we’re passing various groups of people, we give our best to get them angry. We just can’t understand why they don’t want to fight us.
Jules (to a girl): Nice outfit man. FATTIE!!
Alex (to a group of boys): What kinda sausage fest is going on here?! Fuck you.
Suddenly we found ourselves talking to a gal that went to school with us once, and we were talking about school and parties and whatnot. BUT- guess what?! Right. I got pissed off after like 5 mins, so I decide to break up the easy way.
Jules: Cmon Alex, let’s find some girl with bigger titties.
At this point, we were both in our best drinking- phase. Do you know the moment when you just don’t care a fuck what you’re talking about, but you’re not that drunk that you’re going to vomit? Hello, people, this is our world.
We had to pee, and so we searched some free space were we could set the water free. On the way back, we just see this 30-year-old girl dressed up as a Bunny and dancing crazy.
Bunny (to me): You’re a teletubbie. And you’re probably gay. A gay teletubbie.Haha
Jules: No I’m actually not. Way too hetero.
Bunny: You’re a gay teletubbie. You’re doing your male teletubbie-friends from behind.
Jules: I’m more hetero than any other teletubbie could just imagine.
Bunny: Hahahaa. A gay teletubbie.
Seriously, I’m open for a joke, but who does this slut think she is? I decided to rapidly change the situation.
Jules: I heard you were doing lesbian-porns.
At this point, Bunnies boyfriend just can’t hold back his smile and bursted into laughter.
Bunny: No, I’m not.
Jules: I’d appreciate watching this.
Should be alright. We cleared the situation, leaving some stunned 30 and 40 year old persons behind.
At this point, we had just talked to about 8 groups of girls, leaving all them behind with the argument ‘let’s search some real friends’- when suddenly the first group comes over again.
Gal1: Do you remember my name? Otherwise you ow me something.
Jules: Yeah….Yvonne?
Alex(not having a clue about her name): No it’s not. But I know it. So let’s move on.
While we were kinda trying to hide from this crazy little party girls (