The Most Incoherent Drunken thing Ever said by your Dad THREAD

my friends dad

" hey you guys, i feel like were on a spaceship and in space"

and my dad dances and pulls off solos and stuff, pretty funny
 
Over Christmas break I had a few beers with my dad for the first time, and it lead to the most random and disturbing conversation I've ever had with him haha...

It was New Year's Eve and I was about to head out, but my dad asked if I wanted to sit down with him for a bit. My little sister (15) had some friends over. Background complete.

Dad: So what are your plans for the night?

Me: I donno, I'll probably head over to a friend's house and chill there for the night. Not sure yet.

Dad: You drinking?

Me: It's New Year's, so probably...

Dad: Well you know, if you want your friends can come over here and you guys can drink. I'd rather have that than you going somewhere I don't know.

Me: Uhm... no I think I'd rather just go to a friend's actually, but I'll take you up on that some other time, could be fun.

Dad: [Sarcastic] You could hang out with your sister and her little friends, I bet that would be a damn good evening for you and your buddies. And hey, some of them are pretty cute, I bet your friends would be more than happy to come over.

Me: Dad, I don't even think that's legal.

Dad: Really? What's the legal age these days anyway?

Me: 17 I think, don't know exactly.

Dad: Wow, really? That's weird, when I was 18 I had a girlfriend who was 16 and she loved to fuck.

I ended that conversation pretty damn fast haha...

 
Never seen my dad drunk, I don't think he has been since college, but my friends dad came in wicked drunk to the living room once where we were watching a movie (quietly) and started screaming at us to be quiet so he could sleep and then he passed out on the couch, slightly slouched on one of my friends.
 
i wasnt acually there to hear this one but my mom told me about it..so my mom and my dad were out at a bar or something and my dad usally dosnt drink that much.so they came out of the bar and my dad was pretty drunk and some 300 pound plus black lady walks by him with this big hat on.my dad goes "nice hat...it makes you look skinny". hahahha i laughed so hard when i heard it
 
my dads said some funny stuff but my friends dad owns a bar where my dad goes to and my friend keeps telling me that there not gana let my dad come back cause hes drinking all there beer. he also talks to my friend when hes shitfaces there and my friend tells me the storys
 
i was at my friends house watching Employee of the Month with some people. Her dad comes in, sees jessica simpson on the movie and goes, "whos that?" someone says "jessica simpson" and the dad goes "oh i didnt recognize her with her clothes on"

my friend almost slapped him.
 
Haha, what an awesome dad. I hope I can be as sweet as some of these guys, but chances are my kids will annoy the hell out of me and I'll just be a bitter asshole... sigh.
 
Background: staying at my friends house for the night. his parents and another set of parents and one aunt come back from a night of drinking. playing a game of pool.

he pulls me over and starts to talk about how bad rap is and how moody blue's is the best band ever. then he put his arm over my shoulder and tells me a story how he got drafted for the war but starved himself to fail his physical so he never had to go.
 
my dad stepped on an empty can on the deck at the beach and it cut into/onto his foot, so he goes "fuck, now i need the other shoe" so he opens another beer, chugs it and steps on it so he has 2 matching beer cans cut into his feet. pretty damn funny
 
Oh and this is funny too. I dropped my parents off at the moody blues concert because my dad can't drive and pack his bowl at the same time.
 
i was hella high at my friend's house and we were watching Monk and his french stepdad who's always drunk walks in and was pointing at the screen and goes "THAT GUYZARETARDDD LOOOOKKKKK HESAFUCKIN RETARDDD. WHY ISS HEE SO RETARDED WHY ARE YOU WATCHING THIS FUCKING RETARD??" all in his funny french accent
 
An hour before the biggest dance at my school my dad tells me, "Son trust me on this, everything is better with a fifth of scotch"
 
My dad doesnt drink, but my brother, I picked him up from a party, and he could hardly walk. I help hmi into the car, and hes like;

Him: "Lyndon, do I stink?"

Me: "Just a little..."

Him: "Sweet."

Me: "Um, okay?"

Him: "Well, thanks for picking me up from the party."

Me: "No poblem, you'd do the same for me."

Him: "Thanks for picking me up from the party."

Me: "Your welcome"

Him: "When we get home, can you go into mom's room and tell her we are both home? I stink and feel sick, and when I see her face I'll probably barf all over her, causing her to barf all over me."

Me: "Sure"

Him: "Would you, you know, with mom?"

Me: "Not me, would you?"

Him: "As long as she promises not to puke on me, its cool"

 
My parents are social drinkers, but they know their limits, so i've never seen either of them drunk. I've been around a good bit of my parents friends while they are drunk from time to time, and i don't find it that funny. I enjoy it because they don't really try to hide stuff like they normally would, therefore making them a lot more intersting.
 
one time i was out to dinner with a few families, and this kids mom got schwasted and called me over to her, so i got up from my side of the table and she took my head in her hands and pulled my face really close and said "yooaresoobeaautiful" all slurred and such.
 
my dad asked this gay guy about his jewish boyfriend

"i have to ask, is he circumcised?"

keep in mind, my dad is a strict republican conservatist from the south.
 
"the superbowl is like a woman. its better with balls." when he said "balls" he made a two hand cup, and he really grunted. I didnt know what to say.
 
my friends dad told me a story about him playing pool and when the other guy hit the ball on the break and it bounced off of the pool balls and hit him in the forehead.
 
I remember a joke he said once:

Why did Mickey dump Minny?

She was fucking Goofy.

his slurred speech and my young age at the time made it quite funny
 
my same friend from the story above's mom and stepdad always get way drunk on wine and we were at one of my friend's  house in calistoga for 4th of july and my other friend's parents (the ones who are always drunk) were there and were mad wasted.  the french stepdad pulled a lawnchair 5 feet from the fireworks and had a boombox playing american pride music very loudly and was cheering and clapping at the fire works.  my friends mom comes up to me and starts rubbing my back and goes "iiimmm sssooo ggglllaaadddd yyyooouuu aaaannndddd cccaaammmeeerrrooonnnn aaarrrreee fffffrrrriiiieeennnnddddsss aaggggaaaaiiinnnn lllliiiikkkkkeeee yyyyyooouuuu wwweeerrrreee iiinn pppprrrreeesssccchhhoooolllll"  i was just like "uuh, yeah, ok, me too"
 
This is about my mom, but parents = same thing.

She came downstairs to the game room, and she says, "ARIVADERCHI!", tries to run up the stairs, and trips and passes out.
 
my dad got pulled over for drinking and the cop asks him how much he had to drink and he goes one or two beers. My little bro goes NO U DIDN'T DAD U HAD LIKE 10. My dad turns around on his seat and starts attempting to curse but slurrs his words. The cop was just like uhhh can ur wife drive u home.
 
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