The Most Incoherent Drunken thing Ever said by your Dad THREAD

Friends dad...

Dad-"how'd you guys get here?"

us- "we drove"

Dad- "what car?"

us- "yours"

Dad- "which one"

us- "the mercedes"

Dad- "I have a mercedes?"

us- ...
 
my parents threw a huuuuge party that was just an excuse for them to get this ridiculous band to play. (a twelve person blues/rock band with a kickass horn section). it was probably the most hilarious thing i've ever seen, and the parents there were the most drunk i've ever seen a anyone be. at one point this kids mom literally pranced by us, pointed and sang "what's up" to the music. But regarding the thread title, that night my dad walked up to us at around 12:30, said "hey, you guys? what? uhhhh, (mumbled jibberish) beer? yeah, uh music. yeah."i was almost too shocked to laugh my ass off.
 
"Uncle larry!?!? that dick whistler's a wlaking hate crime, so i'm like your mother goes down on EGYPTIANS!"

On the subject a a gay black coworker after a few too many cocktails...
 
hahA! i forgot about that. but you forgot to mention that hes fat. where is that chubbygaynegro? i want some candy.
 
Back in the day when I was like 16 or something we had a huge softball tourny up in Montreal...we basically got thrown out of the tourny so my dad and I checked out and went downtown and found a cheap place to stay during Jazz Fest. We head out for dinner and ended up at the Hard Rock Cafe or something on Crescent St. My dad was letting me drink a bit while he was throwing a few back. I got pretty wasted real fast and my dad is like I'll be right back and just takes off leaving me sitting at the table outside while the streets are packed full of people. So I wait, and wait, and wait and wait and then decided ok fuck this he has a key to the room and so do I so we'll just meet back there. I went to some club by myself (right across the street) and I walk in and see my dad there. So I was like oh shit I'll just kinda watch him, make sure he doesnt come anywhere near me and I'll just keep drinking. Next thing I know my dad is on the dance floor grinding with three different chicks, both really hot. So I went over to him, snagged his arm and was "Dad its time to go right now". He was so wasted I had to call a cab, and pay some drunk college kids to help him into the back of it. All he said all night was "DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER! DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER" I was like ok dad whatever just shut teh fuck up. He was huggin that toilet the entire night.
 
not too long ago my dad came home pretty drunk and i was walking by and 360ed onto my couch (it was fall and i was anxious) and he was like i can do that too. he did one, then tried another and fell back onto this big cabinet thing
 
this message was left on my friends cell phone (sean) by his dad.  his dad is mad scary and has a deep smoker-like voice.  he has a sister mary. 

Message:  Mary!  i mean, fuck, Sean! i just got the phone bill today, hmmmmm, feels like, feels like you guys have been shitting all over me.  fuck you.  you guys are both being punished...  uhhhh... uhhhhhh... no computer for a WEEK!  that should teach you a fucking lesson about spending my money.  fuck... fuck...  

 
this thread is epic! bringin it back.

my dad has said some funny shit before. hes pretty much always has a good sense of humor, and when hes drunk its even funnier. i dont remeber anything specifically, but over christmas, haha, my uncle was hammered, and my best friend and his younger sis came over for christmas eve, (theyre jewish lol), and afterward, my uncle was like, you need to get on your friends sister, shes smokin, i would. im like, holy shit man, shes my best friends sister! haha, wierd.
 
I kind of wanted to make another post mocking your use of capital letters, but I've made like three of those in the past week and it's beginning to bore me.
 
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