The best gaper quotes

gaper-i like your skis

me- thanks dude

gaper-do they make you better?

me- yea man forsureeee i can ski like simon dumont with em (sarcasm)

gaper- isnt that guy a comedian?

me- .....sure
 
Not gaper quote but funny story.

Article had recently come out in GQ magazine. A couple of ski instructors were interviewed and talked about all the women clients they had slept with. Everybody thought that every ski instructor was a sleaze; some might say that's true.

Around that time, I am riding up the beginner chair lift with another instructor. We hear this guy instructor yelling "SWALLOW, SWALLOW" super loud. Everybody on the lift looked over. We are all thinking that this guy is getting a hummer in the trees.

I later find out that he was teaching this girl who had a disability. When she skied she had to concentrate so hard that she would forget to swallow and would have drool flopping behind her.

What was so funny was the look of complete shock on the faces of everyone on the chairlift and on the beginner hill who heard it. Everyone completely thought that some guy was getting a BJ on the side of the beginner hill.
 
gaper father: that kid thats jumping in the park will ruin his knees for the rest of his life.

gaper father proceeds to hand his amazingly obese kid pringles.

then theres always the usual.

gaper: are those twin tippers?

me: i guess

gaper: i dont understand why people use those

me: dude, your wearing jeans tucked into your boots
 
when talking about bindings:
gaper- ya, I was gonna get the jesters but the gtiffons look like the exact same and they were like 100 bucks cheaper.
me- good for you
 
Whats gaper about that? Chances are he doesnt need a 16 DIN binding if he is a gaper, and they ARE the exact same thing, except for the different DIN settings.
 
While standing at the top of the gondola at snowbasin last year a gaper aproached me and asked if i knew why she couldnt get into her bindings, she was slamming the toe of her boot into the heelpiece and could not understand what was wrong
 
it snowed a shitton in NoVa this weekend so i built a little kicker at the hillnear my house. then i came back the next day and there were all these little kids hitting it with their sleds and kind of ruining it but i thought nothign of it. i then moved a big snow boulder out in front of the jump so that i could jib it and have some fun to which i started getting yelled at by these dads who were threatening to call the cops on me.
 
I got into a conversation about how people shouldn't be skiing fat skis at our mountain cause we never get any snow. Then this happens:

gaper: I don't know why anyone would want to ski wide ski's. They're heavy.

me: Powder skis are fat so that they float on top of deep snow.

gaper: When I lived in Colorado, I skied double blacks and did the cliffs on race skis

me: Why?

gaper: Fat skis are too heavy and I can float fine on my race skis.

Race skis are heavier than almost any other ski I've come across.
 
Middle age lady walks up to a lifty all stressed "I think there's a gas leak, what's going on"

I figured it was the sound of the snow guns, couple with snowmobile exhaust. She was freaking out though.
 
1. "stop wrecking the trees dude" after I had just been caught in an avalanche. was pretty big and I as still on top of the debris but he never asked me if I was alright or anything.

2. gaper: "Why are you dressed like a snowboarder?"

................................................

Me : "And how do skiers dress exactly?"

pretty funny silent staring contest all the rest of the way up.

3. Gaper kid in a lesson: "man your a pro, can I ski with you?"

Me: "once your finnished your lesson bro"

Kid turns and asks his coach what bro means haha! By the way, I have a broken collar bone and was skiing really shitty becauuse I have no balance due to illness.

ALL OF THESE WERE TODAY.

 
lolz

this gaper just ran over my brother as we were getting out of the park and it was by a begginer run.

so im likechasing him down and talk to him

Me: dude WTF you just ran over my like 7 year old brother

Gaper:yea so

Me: dude ya shoulda stopped ass hole

Gaper: i cant help it i was born to go fast

and he said that in the THICKEST souther accent

 
gaper lady taking my table as I was getting up from lunch at beaver creek:

her: have you guys been up on grouse mountain yet?

me: we're about to head up there...

her: it's pretty tough up there, are you guys good skiers?

me: we're okay....

her: oh well raven ridge (a catwalk) wasn't too bad...you're able to relax a little bit on that run

me: thanks for the help
 
My EX girl friend (snowboard gapper)
Me: go slow, turn and sit if you go to fast.. )i have no clue what i am saying never even touched a snow board.)HER: Okay can do...(starts to bomb the hill... starts heading left!!!)ME: SIT DOWN! HER: Hits and then flips over a orange guard protecting the lift...(broken wrist... to gnarly) Ski gapper: interjects going up the lift OWWWW... i remember my first time!Ski gappers mother (great skier): IT IS YOUR FIRST TIME! HER: I FUCKING hate you! talking to me and the kid...
needless to say thats how she became my ex
 
random gaper girl: holy hell, those look terrifying

father, less gaper: what looks terrifying?

random gaper girl: those swing things, they look so unsafe!(points to chairlift)
 
"Hey, cool 360! But how come you bring your knees up and grab your skis? Trust me, it looks way better when you keep your knees straight when you spin."
...just awful...
 
Fucking hate stuck up fathers who treat everyone other than their sons as their employees.

(hope that makes sense)

But yeah, do this.
 
So yesterday was the first day I got gaper quotes, and I got alot.First: We have a complimentary ski check at my Mt. so I went to check my skis and poles in. I have short Line pin poles and the guy checking them said "Why are your poles so short?". Me- said nothing. Guy- "Get some longer polls or I won't check your skis in any more.
Also a few days ago the same guy told my friend who had his pants sagged that this is a family run Mt. and if you don't pull your pants up I'll pull your pass" lol.
Second- I have a G suit and I was hiking a rail and these kids on straight skis start hiking it too doing 50/50's. One of them says "Nice jacket, are you sponsored?"
Third- On the same rail I was learning surface switchups and right when I completed my first one I hiked back up and was pretty psyched and one of the gaper kids there said "That wasn't a switchup, that was a swivle." what?
 
GAPER: HEY DID YOU JUST DOUBLE BACK FLIP?!?!?!

ME: YEAH!^&%!*$@!*&

GAPER: WOW YOU'RE SO GOOD MAYBE SOMEONE ON NEWSCHOOLERS WILL READ THIS COMPLETELY TRUE POST

ME: YEAH I KNOW IM SO GOOD

GAPER: CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH

ME: NO BECAUSE I'M TOO GOOD

WHAT A FUCKING GAPER AM I COOL YET
 
YES YOU ARE. CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. CHECK THE RULES OF THE INTERNET, THOUGH, YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER. GRAMMAR BIZNATCH.
 
Yesterday i saw a dad making his kids walk up to a lift with their skis on (They were at the lift below and it's a bit of a hill to get to the above one. Dad's yelling at his son the whole time, "hurry up! You need to hustle! put effort in it like your sister! BLAH BLAH BLAH! turn your skis uphill and walk like a duck!"

I was blown away. He really just told his kid to walk like a duck.

All i could hear was, "son, work hard! be more of a gaper! we're not out here to have fun and hang out! we're here to be in a hurry!"

Douche bag needed to let his son do what he wanted. it's not like they were missing out on a bunch of powder.
 
bump for a great aim convo i had with my friend who skiied his first trail today and thought tanner hall was "chad" of chad's gap
 
the worst is when you build a big jump on a powder day then gapers hit it."what the fuck are you doing?""hitting the jump its for everybody not just you faggots""actually, no it is only for us we built it""so that means we can jump off of it?"fuck off"
 
today i got nailed in the head by one of those safety bars on quads by some fucking idiot who decided not to let me know he was going to put it down i still have a fucking headache
 
ReName Thread Title..."Excuse to brag about how sick you are" Dude I Did a Flat 5 and gapers thought i was sick. but i am sick. so whatever.... shut up dont be a dick to gapers. one day your gonna be fishing and some redneck is gonna laugh at you "damn homo is usin live baited spinner wheels to catch red cod rainbow trouters"
 
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