The best gaper quotes

here ya go

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i get so much shit for wearing mine on and off the hill on the hill i can understand a lil no shit im wearing ski boots but still

 
"you need full tilt for that jump"
it was a snowboarder saying he needed full speed for a jump, I thought he was joking at first
 
Leaving our local indoor slope late on a saturday night.

Couple of drunken bams: "Here mate you been skiing an that?"

Us: "yeah"

bams : "Awrite you've been skiing, but why you dressed like a blackman?"

 
i have a pair of 07 saloman scarlets which are two different colors and people always ask me why im skiing on two separate skis. i also fucking hate it when they get on the lift and immediately proceed to slam the safety bar down on your head/leg/ski/fingers etc
 
my friend got a lot of that when he was riding his blue/red Mojo 90's. priceless everydamntime haha. Try getting no warning bout the bar coming down, then having one of the handles you use to pull it down collide with your crotch. After yelping in pain, you'll get the required "oh.." response from the lowerer.
 
I got stopped at the top of a mogul run by some older gentleman (gaper) and he said, "You can't go down this run on those skis ('09 Volkl Gotamas), they're way too fat. You'll fall and get hurt".

I proceeded to rip down the run as fast as possible, then stopped at the bottom and waved for a reply. He yelled "You are way out of control, that's exactly why you can't use those skis on this run!"

I cracked up, and straightlined it to the lift.
 
conversatin between me and gaper:

gaper: do you like the "train" park

me: yes, i like the terrain park

gaper: oh can you do like 360's

me: yeah

gaper: yeah, im pretty good at 560's
 
i was competing in a competition, and my dad was watching. one of my friends did a dub cork 1080, and my dad was so stoked. Oh my god, he did a cork 7 mute rightsde, then leftside! what do you guys call it again? is it pretzel?no dad, its a dub cork
 
i was wearing my i am a skier shirt at school and this fat kid yelled at me as i walked past "fuck you, cause i snowboard" wow thanks for that
 
Some of these are classics! I dont have anything to add that hasn't been said already. Back in my school days I got a lot of "are you sponsored?" and the usual crap
 
I was riding alone at sugarbowl near the end of the season, waiting in the near empty liftline, when this crazy asian dude speeds past everyone who was waiting and got in the lineup for the chair ahead of me, which already had 4 people in it. This guys a classic gaper, jeans, rental boots, no goggles or sunglasses, headband with ear flaps, etc. I had to yell at him that there were already 4 people in line but he didn't do anything. He was too far towards the outside so the armrest on the side of the chair hit him in the leg and he had to jump out of the way and he almost fell over, and almost knocked the little kids next to him off the lift.

So somehow he gets back into the lineup, right in the middle of it, so me and the guy next to me, who had his kid with him, exchange amused looks, and pull up aside him so the gaper is in between me and the guy with the kid. Everything is fine for about a third of the way up until the gaper gets a phone call. His ringtone is one of those really scratchy music ones to like hannah montana or some shitty song like that, but its rediculously loud, so I laugh to myself and they guy with his kid kinda does to.

Heres where things got hillarious, the gaper answers his phone and starts talking in that dialect of chinese that sounds really angry all the time. He is screaming his head off at his phone, and i am starting to crack up. Suddely he starts screaming "nigga! nigga!" and im thinking "what the fuck is this guy saying, is he crazy or something?", but he keeps on talking so i guess it is some chinese word. A few seconds later he starts really getting angry about these "niggas", just screaming his ass off. He start saying, i quote "nigga! nigga! ma nigga jeremy! nigga jeremy!" and then back into chinese. At this point neither me nor the guy next to me can contain our laughter, and were both just laughing our asses off, and the gaper just keeps on talking. The guy's kid notices and then says "daddy whats so funny" and the man is just like "oh nothing, dont worry about it". Me and this guy just laughed so hard at this guy fo the entire way up, and the entire way the guys still talking on the phone, just screaming into it like crazy.

To top it off, he ate shit at the top and one of his skis fell off.
 
we're seshin an urban rail and a couple gapes watch us as we click in and right before i drop he says, "wait, y'all gonna ramp it?!"
 
*going up the t-bar at gnartock*

gaper: are you a skier

me: yes...

gaper : well i know that , i meant can you do a backflip and stuff?

me: no...

gaper: oh so you're not a skier?

me: *stopped talking

this story is true , this kid was a dumbass snowbaorder , like seriosly i'm obviously a skier if i have skis on. lol
 
this wasn't me personally but still a good story...

gaper - so did your skis start out with those curves on either end?

friend (w/ other friend) - well actually no, ours both started out completely flat but caught into the snow really easily. We needed a quick solution, so we decided to breed. Our skis made naughty love and through natural selection and evolution, they need to be lifted on either side. 9 months later, out popped our little twin skis. Now that you understand the origin of "twin" tips, do you have any other questions?

gaper - *looks, thinks, looks, thinks, looks away*
 
i at someskikid123 house and some guy that lives next to him comes out asking if we wanted some newish skis, we sid hell ya, he came out with these sick old rossis they are now mounted on my wall.

then last week at work my boss asked if i could ski black dimonds he then proceded to ask if the instroctors at my winter job had cpr traning. fyi the place i work at has 100 feet vertical and three trails
 
second to last day of the season, some gaper with a rental helmet,sunglasses, and sunscreen COVERING his entire face like cake frosting.

gaper: "thems is the widest skis ive ever seen" (southern accent, refering to my hellbents)

some random gaper i rode a double lift with: "thems is some wide boys!" (talking about the skis)

and some other snowboard gaper asked me to help him strap in at the top of the lift.....i skied away
 
This kid asked me if my skis were on backwards once hahah. I just laughed. I heard this one kid with the works (racing skis, those really small goggles leading to a massive goggle gap, red hair sticking out from his goggle gap, even a racing suit) He said to his friend

"watch this, I'm going to do a tornado twister off the launching pad!"

So later I go on the lift with him,

"Did you do that spin I heard you talking about?"

"Wow, its called a twister, and if you want to be cool, a tornado twister"

"Oh sorry, so did you do the tornado twister?"

"Yeah I tried but I did a garage sale down the decline"

"Whats a decline?"

"The part the angles down after the jump silly"

Then it was the end of the lift, man, I'm so out of skiing talk. I didn't even know what a decline was hahahaha

 
Gaper at gore: somone do a backflip 1080

Me: I cant do them but im learning.

Gaper: WHAT THE FUCK WHO ARE WE BUILDING THESE PARKS FOR WHAT THE FUCK.

Me: just skis on
 
not really a quote but one time a kid got mixed up and took my skis instead of his at the end of the day we had the same skis but different bindings and about a 30 cm difference in size
 
I once had to sit through a presentation in class where this gaper was talking about "the physics of skiboarding." During the presentation he explained how ski boards are faster than skis because of less surface friction. He got an A from my gaper physics teacher.
 
Gaper at my school: Ya, i go really fast.

Me: Oh ya?

Gaper: Ya, i go down the steepest green tracks and i go sooo fast that i dont even leave a mark in the snow, not even when i stop!

Me:............................awesome..................
 
Those tails (twin tips) are for keeping you on the ground when you're going really fast right!... I need those!
 
I totally agree

Ski patrol in the chair: Are you skiing alone? (I'm 12)

Me: Yes

Him: it could be dangerous if you fall

Me: it is supose to be you to help me when i hurt myself. Right?

He didn't answer.

Sorry for my bad english, i'm french

 
I ski indoors here in the UK, and they have a hybrid night, where half of the slope is groomer, and half of it is jibs. all the gapers were out in force on the groomer, all in their old one piecers from the 16th century and their old school straight sidecut skis. so i go down and switch 5 over the first kicker then hit the stair piece rail. and as i finish my run, and get my phone out to change song, this old gaper bitch screamed at me

"You delinquent! skiiers shouldnt be STUNTING on the wedges! And those stairs are for the snowboarders to walk up the hill so they can get back to stunting faster!"

So I told the haggard old bitch to take a look up the slope at every other boarder, "Stunting" on the stairs, and she attempted to try and get every single person who hit the rail banned from the slope, and in the end she just got ignored and turned away.

Then at the Salomon camp in april, some kid was talking to me on the magic carpet to the top of the dome, asking me about what i could do. so I told the kid straight, and he was like wow neat, but i can do better than that! so i asked the kid what he could do. So he tells me how his big brother is Tanner Hall, and his uncle is jonny moseley, and tanner gives him free Burton skis every month, and he has the 2012 skis already

So i said hang on a minute mate,if you get free skis, why the fuck are you riding rossi bandits? Tanner Hall is american, Jonny moseley is definately not your uncle, Tanner owns Armada, which have no affiliation with Burton Snowboards whatsoever, and the 2012 skis probably haven't been designed. The kid just stuttered and pretended to take a phone call and generally stayed away from me for the rest of the night, and gaped it up
 
Gaper behind me in the lift line whispering to his friendhe put his ski on backwards! its coming up in back! what a dumbass.
And then whenever they laughed for a while.
 
gaper chick: rnt your skis to big for you?

Me (on a pair of 161 powder skis): no, but i did just happen to notice that youre on a pair of 190 Heads,

gaper chick(shorter than me): No, theyre 191s, and im allowed to ski on these, im a really good skier, your crap, no offence.

*she gets of the lift and falls over 10 metres down the slope.*

*i :)*
 
Fat kid in jeans and sweatshirt at top of jump pizzas up to me, half jokingly says bet you twenty bucks that i can't hit the jump backwards (it was only 30ft), i grab his hand shake firmly and zero spin the jump no problem, he is just sitting there mouth open as i hike back up and ask for my twenty
 
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