The best gaper quotes

this kid at my school goes aroudn telling everyone hes some skiing god so i commented on his facebook picture asking what type of skis he hadWillyou cant even answer what skis those are4:03pmPhilipok thier rossi'syou happy4:04pmWillscratchs?4:04pmPhilipplenty

then he went on talking about the "freestyle skiing" "events" he goes to
 
this wasnt on the mtn but i worked at a raft/backpacking guide company and i was gettin a lady from new york city ready for her trip and i handed her some bear spray and she said "oh is this like bug spray?, we spray it on ourselves and the bears will leave us alone?" i wanted to rip her to pieces but i had to be nice...
 
haha. i go to school with her. i was probably some gay french kid called raphael. i always get in this argument with him.
 
Gaper girl: do u ride the lift with the bar up?

Me: whatever, i don't really care.

Gaper girl: yeah, i used to ride with teh bar up, back when me and my friends thought we were cool. (nothing was said for a while) Those are some nice skis.

Me: thanks, they're new.

Gaper girl: yeah, i used to ski, but my skis kept double ejecting every time i fell, so now i snowboard.
 
there was this gayper dad with his gayper family at my mountain. i have a few friends im meeting up with who r near the front of the liftline. so i go ahead the dad says: hey we were here first buddy.

me: im just meeting my friends up there

gay: i dont give a fuck what ur doing get to the back of the line

me: cute jeans.. im gonan go meet my friends now.

gay: im going to call ski patrol.

i just go to teh front and ignore him.

later this guy passes me on the little slow run on the way to teh park. im buttering so whatever. he goes

gay: thts for being such a punk.

i turn switch and just ski past him lazily on my way to teh park staring him down. hah i could tell it rly got to him how i could just go past him switch
 
nothing but the usual:

I was learning 5's off of some mini jumps and after i finally landed one, a kid snowboards down to me in amazment and asks me if i can do a backflip
 
"The only shoes I brought are my loafers, God forbid they get ruined, do you think they sell UGGS in the ski shop?"
Also note this was a man saying this as he slipped out of his loafers and into his rental boots.
 
A few weeks ago me and 2 skiing buddies were screwing around in the west 52nd mini park at snocompton and we all went off the first mini jump (like 4 feet) and all did switch 3s, then went to the last rail, and just slid it and did a backside 270 off it. Then we stop to decide if we want to go over to central for the rest of the day, and then these snoqualmie gaper kids come up to all of us:

gapes: you guys did spins you must be pros!

me: thanks?

gapes: can you teach us those tricks we are pretty good.

friend: go get some twin tips and we will talk (these kids are all on 90s shapeless skis)

gapes: what are twin tips?

friend: look at our skis compared to yours...(trying to be as nice as possible)

gapes: o i see you have those rollers on the backs and fronts.

me: yeah...

gapes: so can you do backflips with those things?

all of us just coudnt take it anymore any just started laughing at the classic gaper quotes these kids were throwing at us and skied away to central (bigger park, still not great).
 
Today at my mountain some mexican looking dude on a snowboard went of a bigger jump (for him at least, but still not very big, only like 25 ft). And totally at shit... when he landed, somehow his snowboard came completely off, like both feet came out of the bindings. (Is this even equivalent to the double eject?) After her collects himself a little bit, he goes...

"Oh man! I slipped!"

Everybody was cracking up
 
last week i was skiing at alta and my brother was on top of a cliff so these gapers ski up next to me and say " oh look fred theres some jibe-ers up on the rock there.
 
i got two first is this kid that lives up the street that bought NBT's and doesnt try anything he went to killington and i asked how the tree skiing was:

me: so how were the glades

gaper:whats that

me:tree skiing

gaper: o it was pretty good except my skis got scratched up

me: really

gaper: yea cause there were all these twigs sticking up

and then this kid in the library comes up to me and sees im on newschoolers

gaper: so you like snowboarding

me: no i hate it

gaper: well do you snowboard

me: no

gaper: then why are on a shnowboarding site

 
snapped this last weekend.

that guy met the knuckle.

hard.

1234907810-742786-400x599-n718485198_2589747_8266.jpg


 
umm wow. Sitting in study hall checking my email and i got invited to this water world thing on june 10th and the kid that started the group is sitting next to me and i say, "what if i'm skiing that day".
He says, "well if you were you'd be dumb. You'd be skiing on ice."
Me: Ya, cuz its so cold in summer
 
haha. Just continued.
Gaper: Oh sorry i meant dirt.
Even the other gapers in my class laughed.
I proceeded to pretend to fall asleep
(i live in CO btw)
Also, last saturday some guy asked me why my poles were so short

Me and my friend built a jump at vail and some guy comes up to it and is like, "YEAAH, DO A FULL TWIST" when i'm at the top of the inrun". It is a mystery how he found the jump
 
i was working the double chair last week and a kid about to get on asks me "where the trick trail is"

another time, i was in the upper lift shack, snowboarder comes over " do you have a screwdriver ? "

yea buddy, i got a whole toolbox up here.
 
In lift line:

Gaper Dad: "oh look he has those backward skis"

Son: "What are they for?"

Dad: "for skiing in the half pipe"

Son "whats a half pipe"

Dad: "something that snowboarders do"

(could someone explain how this makes sense... at all)

Also: not as good but a kid in line infront of me with a snowboard hadn't taken his foot out, so lifty sent him back to get his foot out, when we came back he went "hey this kid has 2 snowboards on his feet" (Line Blends)

 
Gaper kids: Are a pro skier?

Me: No...

Gaper: cuz you look like you are

Me: Thanks...

Gaper: Come to the park with us cuz you hit the jump super fast

Me: Ok

Apparently these kids are under the impression that pro skiers spend their free time riding the hills of Saskatchewan... For those who are unimformed with Canada geography, Saskatchewan is in the heart of the prairies.

They were funny, but it is something I expect around here.
 
gayper- um excuse me young feller, but could you tell me which ski is for which foot?

me- uhhhh? theres a little mark on the side that tells you

gayper- oh thanks.....(then continued to look for about 5 minutes and asked another person)
 
shitty skier wrecks herself on a blue and yardsale ensuesgaper: damn that bitch got wrecked if she ever had any boobs she doesnt anymore
 
i thought it was just myth up until yesterday, but i finally got "can you do a backflip?" from a little fat gaper...i was almost speachless
 
not a quote but every single time i leave my stuff unattended at my house for two seconds my dad puts foot long strips of ducktape on EVERYTHING (boots board helmet jacket) with my full name and phone number written huge in sharpie.
 
Two guys in the in the 70+ club said I was "cheating" today at Smuggs. It was a powder day today and they were referring to my bacons.
I think they were just jealous.
 
The best is walking through the lodge and getting the

Gaper - "Why are you wearing ski boots if you are a snowboarder?"

Me - "Because I Ski....."

Gaper - 8-|

Another great one was some douche-bag on the chair yelling "No skiers in the park!" when he saw me in the park, then he went through right after and bit it so hard off the lip of a little flat box, i laughed so hard.

If you can't tell my hill is pretty much entirely boarders... it's annoying how little they know.
 
My friend is a swimming coach, and here's what a 15 years old girl told him :Girl : I might not swim to well today, I got hurtFriend : What happened?Girl : I got hurt while doing a switch cork 360Friend : Right.......
 
My first twins were salomon 1080's, the yellow/green ones, they had the design on an opposite end of each ski. Some married gapers (don't ask me how that is legal) asked me why my skis are on backwards (because the design wasn't symmetrical) , i just like uhhhh, its the design? seriously?
 
Here's my favorite:gaper: woah man, how good do you have to be for the rental place to give you skis with cool graphics?me: ummm... these aren't rentals. I own these skis.gaper: you can buy skis? where?
 
Kid- "Dad Im having trouble breathing" Dad-"Why's that ?" Kid-"Isnt the air thinner up here"

Buddy told me this one while he was on the gondola
 


gaper: why don't they ever try to groom in between the trees?

me:well the machines that groom runs wouldn't fit in the trees

gaper: yes they would! look there one is now...(points to snowmobile driving up groomed run)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top