The best gaper quotes

i asked this gaper kid at my school if he was good at snowboarding

him- yeah im pretty good, im not pro but im hoping to get there some day

me- what tricks can you do

him- well i can shifty, i can 180, and i can 50/50 really long boxes

me-and your still not sponserd....
 
Snowbird about May last year 60 degrees and shit snow.

Gaper. Wow i guess its true what they say about the snow here.

Me. What do they say?

Gaper. Its the greatest snow on earth.

Me. Are you talking about todays snow?

Gaper. Ya dont you think so?

Me. I just stared at him.
 
kid wears snowboarding boots to school saying hes sponsored...see him at the mountain

me: "so what tricks can you do?"

him: "180's, indy grabs, inverts"

me: "wtf are inverts?"

him: "um..."
 
Well its not really a quote but it happened. id have you ask my brother but he doesnt have an account

so.

i was at crotched and i drove my bro and his buddy up for a lil shred action and we proceed to get on the lift with this guy who had a blue jacket and red long johns. yea he didnt have snow pants just long johns and he was probably 60-65 with a santa beard

we get like 4 poles up and

he: says "hey boys how longs the ride up"

me:idk 5-10 min

him: shit i really have to pee

my bro:you shouldve tinkled b4 you got on chief

so then the lift stops about 3/4 of the way up for like 10 min cuz it was rather windy and then i look over and the guys like doin all he can to hold it in

then out of no where he is like oh man oh man i cant wait i cant wait then

HE PISSED HIMSELF! i kid you not he peed in his red long johns and im disgusted and this point and when we get off his pants were all wet and we all thought it was hilarious and he snowplowed his way down. then i got to think mabye he was retarted or somethin idk but i mean who cant hold it just a lil ways longer.

spark notes: i rode the lift, and old gaper man pissed himself
 
Me:270 on to 2 foot wide flat box, looked kinda sketchy

Snowboard kid who goes to same school as my friend in north carolina of all places and is decked out in the freshest snowboard gear but cannot boardslide the 2 foot wide box. woah are you sponsored?

Me: I laughed and told him the fact that I am not a fraction good enough to be sponsored.

And then the classic

"so are those short skis people wearing for tricks or something?":
 
are you filming people? are you making a movie? Why do you have a camera? What are you filming?

how much is your camera? pisses me off the most. Shut the fuck up and don't ask that question...
 
So my friend works in a shop, some n00b walks in and starts checking out the skis, he GRABS BOTH SKIS WHEN THEY ARE TOGETHER LIKE STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER, he starts flexing them and then he says, " Man these have really good flex." As they are together, my friend just looks at me and says hes going on a break
 
haha yesterday i was on the lift with this drunk gaper snow boarder guy, and i seriously think he asked me if i could do all the tricks in johnny mosleys mad tricks. Hit me from out of the blue when he asked me if i could do a butter roll 9. Then he proceded to show me and my friend this jump claiming it was like a 20 foot step up when it was like a five foot baby table
 
lol..i've got to say..this is the funniest one i've read so far..whirly birds

gaper : r u one of those skiers that do tricks?

me : yes..

gaper : do u kno how to do those spinny things??

me : o god..
 
LMAO

"whoa he just did a whirly-bird!"

my grandparents

"me and my friends all get frustrated these days because all the snowboarders go on our hills"
 
when I started skiing I thought people were talking about rails when they said half pipe and I wondered how you would measure whether it was a half rail or a whole rail. I also had no idea there was such a thing as sponsored skiers. And I thought backflips were pretty much the coolest shit you could do.

Also my uncle calls all spins "whirly birds."

I was at Sugarloaf one time and this guy in the park goes "whoah, did you see that, that guy just did a double heli!!!!"

My friend who snowboards was like those are 179s???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoooooaaaaahhh thats way long and the funny thing is he works at a ski shop.

Going home with my boots over my shoulder, skis and poels in hand, my grandmother asks me "how was snowboarding today?"

This girl in my res building who I was taking a taxi to the hill with goes, "I snowboard. Skiing is too old school".

Later on that day she saw me do an alley oop on the quarter pipe and she was like wow that was really cool.

Also this guy in my outdoor pursuits class is CONSTANTLY churning out the gaperisms while we're at teh ski hill, but I can't think of any direct examples at this point.
 
heli still kicks total ass I did helis back in the day, I was judging a comp just recently and was asked when awards were going to be annouced and I said "after the girls comp", and the dude said "girls".
 
I get soooo many comments on my hellbents it isn't even funny, they always ask why are they so wide or what are they for

so sometimes I like to tell them they are a mogul specific ski and they believe me
 
After blowing down a untracked chute and 180ing off a bump onto the groomer below, stop to wait for friends and this skier comes by.

40-ish mom - "Well arent you the fanciest little skier!"
 
same thing alwayys happens to me, and then in the middle of class well be doing work on computers and ill be on ns watching movies, and kids will be like your better than him right? nope sorry

 
Best line ever:

Guy on lift: you got trick skis right?
Me: uhh ya
Guy: Do you do the jumps and grinds?
Me: uhh ya
Guy: well you should get the really small skis
Me: and why would i do that
Guy: They can do soo much cooler grabs... they can cross their legs.

 
guy looking at my skis: are those like long snowblades?

Me: No they're skis

Gaper: but why are the made like snowblades?
 
Haha. Dude! I've had this exact same experience. I've had so many gapers think my Foils are powder skis. Haha. It's so funny. One guy was talking about how fat my skis were and how they were the fattest he's ever seen at our mountain and my friend who had Seths on at the time was sitting right next to me.
 
can't tell you how many times my bros friend says that also here are some others from the same snowboard pro

"i attempted a backflip today with your brother as he was doing one" i did them and he watched, he once attempted the jump and crashed on it on a straight air.

"its really wierd on snowboards when you get big air you go side ways in the air making it harder than on skis."
 
guy on a snow bike ridin up the lift are them twin tip skis

me, yeah

gaper, do you ride in that stunt ditch

haha so funny.
 
me and some guys ski to the mini park and there are a bunch of gapers at the top waiting and we blow by them as normal and my freind hears one of them saying "some people just don't care...."
 
I am always asked if I'm good at skiing. compared to whom?

once a guy commented that my Fischer habits were really wide. I was like ok.. wider than some I guess.
 
I ask a guy with some twin tips on the other side of some old guy on the lift if hes on NS. He gives me a weird look and says no. The older guy says "Is that where you go to college?".
 
there was a guy contueisly airing( on a snowboard looked like he was attempting no grab methods) off the side of the lip for this down rail. he was always falling and i start laughing cause shit was pretty haggerd where he was tring to land.

him" i just cant seem to land that"

me still laughing " its not a jump it is an entance to the rail"

him "still i cant land that"

me " its not a jump"

him " then why is it there"

me "for the down rail"

him " well i like to improvisize, at least im going big"
 
While waiting in a liftline, I hear this girl[pretty hot blonde] point to the quad lift and say, "Is this a threesome lift?"

On the lift I always get, "Is there sandboarding in the summer?"

gaper:How is there snow here? It's 60 degrees

me: they have a lot of it. It doesn't melt all at once.

gaper: but its 60 degrees. freezing is at 32.

And then I turn up my music

So, at app in NC(best patk in the SE), they have a short quad that services one of the parks and a short blue trail(basically a green). The runs are really short, but there was like a 5-10 minute liftline. The mountain wasn't making a singles line, so me and one of my friends would just cut everybody cause each quad chair was going up with 1-3 people each time(I actually never saw a full chair). We were just going up as singles. So after a while this bitch gaper with like 80's white boots and rental skis looks at me and says:

gaper bitch:you boys need to stop cutting everyone right now and be considerate of those around you

me:who the hell are you? Did you notice the last chair that went up? It had one person on it. If you didn't know, its a quad. Me and my friend are singles. We aren't taking anyones place in line.

Gaper bitch: Well, then you are cutting all the other singles in the line.

Me. I JUST SAW A CHAIR GO UP WITH ONE PERSON ON IT. if there are singles they are doing shit.

Gaper bitch:.....

I continued to jump on as a single and loved seeing her mad face as I got on the chair before her.

Another time same mountain, but another quad. There is this fat bitch and her little son trying to get to the lift, going very slow, trying to skate, but shes too fat and slow so shes in a reverse pizza sort of thing. Me and my friend ski around her and get in front of her. We hear her yell out, "Are you blind or are you just rude?" I wanted to say, "are you just fat, or can you not ski?"

Im tired of all these gaper bitches that think they know everything.
 
Gaper dad is standing with his son watching people

Gaper Dad: Tells his son "you cant go in there its just for snowboarders."

Gaper Son: uh uhn that skier just grinded that pipe

Gaper Dad: Hell, look at um in that stunt ditch down there
 
so im going to hit this kicker off the cat track following my snowboarder friend, then this gaper obviously cuts in front of me and his stupid girlfriend to hit it, so im just like WAAATCH OUUUUT cause i wanted to rodeo off it, but they just keep going obviously, get no air and then i just jump over them. Then were in the lift line and the stupid slut is like "that was kind of close eh, maybe you shouldnt do that next time", me "yea didnt you hear me? I was saying WAAATCH OUUUT" then the guy "buddy you almost hit me in the face with your ski" me "yeaaaa ahaha" then my friend was laughing too, then they were liek "its not funny you could have hurt someone" me "yea but I didnt, look up the fuckin hill next time you cut someone off."
 
"I was watching the XGames for skiing this year, did you know they could go backwards!?"

-one of my students today (snowboarder)
 
ok i have never had a truely noob convo ever...until two weeks ago

we get on this donuble lift im riding single to meet up with my friends at the top, this kid has some steeze got solid equipment, straight away he goes

"hey im john", me being the nice kid

"yo man im joe"

"those are cool skis you got what are those line?"

"naw man theyre dynastars last year troublemakers"

"oh thats cool i had lines but i just broke them doing a switch ten i landed too hardso now im stuck with these"

i look down and see he has 3 year old P.E.s

"yeah man those skis are pretty beat"

"yeah i know"

"what model skis did you break usually theyre pretty tough"

"well i had a pair of the T-Halls"

"do you mean you had armadas"

"oh yeah thats what i mean sorry *chuckles*, anyway hows the park here"

"oh its pretty solid, got some nice jibs and jumps"

looking at me confused "oh yeah i heard the jibs here are sick"

"yeah i guess"

"whats your best trick"

"ive been throwing some rodeos and shit like that"

"oh yeah thats cool mines probally a cork 7"

"i thought you broke your skis doing a switch 10 im pretty sure thats better than a cork 7"

"naw i dont think so cork 7s are harder"

"....ok"

"ive also been doing those new tricks that "john" olsson does"

"what you mean the double flips"

"yeah those i cant figure them out"

"yup"

eventually it goes like this for another 5 minutes, we get to the top and he falls off the lift getting off. then he proceeds to go to ski in a pizza tuck. just embarassing
 
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