The best gaper quotes

"Your skis are way too big for you"

"Your skis are so big, that they take up the whole roof rack space"

"Your skis are as big as that (10 foot) gas pipe"

- Referring to either my 181 Filthys or 178 Chronics ...

 
I was at my local hill today and I went up the lift with my friend and this Indian kid and we proceeded to screw with him a little.

Me, have you hit theses jumps? (The 50-60ft jumps the biggest ones)

Gaper, yeah I tried to Hit one of them but I can't land.

My friend, no you haven't.

Gaper, I have! Can never get my tips down.

Me, yeah. You have to be careful with that.

When ever you ask the gapers they always lie. Seems like a trend.
 
Kid with after bangs (didnt no what they were, had them back mounted to the fullest) tryed to get some big air of the lip onto a rail, ate it, detroyed the lip, park crew kicked him out. best day of my life cause justice was served
 
Man, if you guys think you see some gaperish shit, you should try being a ski instructor. Out of the like, 60+ ski instructors my mountain has, I think there are 3-4 of us who ride park (Skiiers at least, alot of the snowboard instructors ride park). I understand they are new and all so I deal, but man do I get sick of explaining my skis to people. On top of that every time I pop a 180 around to watch them ski from infront I get a 'OH WOW THATS AMAZING' from everyone in the class, and if they are kids, they then all proceed to try and do it, nomatter how fast we are moving.

Also I got into an argument with one of the more senior instructors about carving on center mounts. I basically said something to the effect of, Its weird learning to carve again on these ( I had just gone from standard mount to centers on a new pair of skis). In order to hold the edge well, I need to keep my almost centered of the ski, instead of leaned forwards like on normal bindings. Then he proceeded to lecture me on how wrong that was and even though 50% of my edges are behind me I need to lean way forward. He has also never ridden center mounts so I was just like, OK BRAH and rode off to the park.
 
After skiing day, riding home with bus. (It was holidays for german so probably 90% german gapers in an austrian resort)

In bus, german gapers behind us. (The guy wasn't that much of a gaper, actually)

They see tracks from touring guys (Only the descent tracks, you don't see the hiking tracks on that hill from that angle).

German Gaper Woman (referring to barracks on the hill):

"Do people live up there?"

(There would be no way somebody lives there in the winter)

German Gaper Man:

"Could be. Or they maybe hiked up"

German Gaper Woman

"No way. They live up there or there's a lift on the other side"

German Gaper Man

"Well, maybe there's a lift, but they still could hike up"

German Gaper Woman

"How would you hike up with skis?"

German Gaper Man

"Well, they have special bindings"

German Gaper Woman

"But there aren't even tracks of them hiking up"

German Gaper Man

"Well, maybe you don't see them"

German Gaper Woman

"No. There's no way they hike up there. There has to be a lift on the otherside"

Me and my friend were just laughing and telling them that a heli flew them up or that there is actually a lift on the otherside. I actually don't hate Gapers, but I hated that bitch.

Oh, and sorry for not reminding the actual conversation and the poor translation
 
semi Gaper story

My friends dad owns mottolino, livgno and we just chill by the airbag for extended periods of time with the guys who work there and also take the job off their hands a bit (telling people when they can jump and stuff)

and at a rate of maybe 3 per minute, kids with rental or race skis come and are gonna go for the jump when we tell them

"sorry, you need twintip skis"

"what are twintips"

"freestyle skis.. like these.. " we point at our skis

"but i have those"

"no you need them with the back up too" very simple so they understand what were talking about

this happens way too often..

or the best is when we are packing up and put the barrier on the gate and a dad with his kid come up and hes like

"can he jump"

"no, you need freestyle skis and we just turned off the airbag"

"oh, like mine?" some strange ass pow skis I've never seen before

"yeah kinda"

"Can I jump?"

"No.. no you cant.. I just said we turned off the bag"

the dad proceeds to head for the jump and just brakes on it and then jumps onto the side breaking off half the side.. feeling super cool while hes at it.

he was lucky we were redoing the whole jump anyway.

hard keep the temper putting up with all those people
 
how are twin tips any safer, especially on an airbag, even on a regular jump you wouldn't land backwards.
 
its probably more to make sure gapers don't hit it and find a way to hurt themselves. Its not foolproof, but it probably keeps complete newbs away.
 
the lift stopped. there was a older foreign guy and me and my friend literally sat there watching him trying to clip into his binding with the break up from over 3 minutes

also when its way below 32 and your freezing to death and you see someone without a hat or goggles on skiing down the mountain acting like its no big deal from the lift. that just makes me wonder..
 
Got a golden one from Whitewater. The park rangers just finished a 30 footer table top and a 12 year old kid comes by. He asks this beautie:

Gaper: "Are you guys building a step up?"

Ranger: "Does it look like we are building one?"

Gaper: "no"

then leaves

 
Some dumbass at work tried explaining to me that Boyne (biggest hill in MI) Was similar to the size of the big hills out west..

All I could say was, are you fucking stupid?
 
Mid-August.....Indiana.....My hill gets a call from some "folk" in Alabama asking what time they will be opened for the upcoming weekend because they want to come ski on the artificial snow.
 
Not really a quote but more of a game to play with gapers. The dean of students at my school taught me this one when we went to Killington a couple weeks ago. It's called stroke the onesie. Whenever you see someone with a onesie on the first person in the group to stroke it from collar to leg cuff is gets the point. Any onesie is fair game, in the lodge or on the slopes.
 
Just remembered a quote from a few years back. Some woman in 80s suit and sunglasses standing on the knoll of a jump and just being retard and not even attempting to move. So I ride down and tell her to move because people are gonna come flying pretty soon.

She responds:

"I got a cottage here so I can camp wherever the fuck I want."

 
Boyne isn't even that big is it? Never skied there but friends have and I always thought it was compared to like Crystal which is quite small in comparison to mountains out west
 
An asian guy at the bottom of the hill was trying to put his skis on backwards... like the toe into the heel piece and heel into the toe piece. He was totally serious.

I've also gotten "When do we jump off the lift" (I'm a ski instructor) so I guess it's kinda understandable... but not really
 
Lol gapers

Gaper-"wow! I just got 2 feet of air"

Other gaper-"no way!!!"

Us-*facepalm* *hit real jump*

Gapers-"................."

Lol true story
 
So I was at alta waiting in line to get on the lift, (I have the 2012 tst and they have an Indian on them) this huge gaper that got paired with me because he was a single says

" Woah! Is that Albert Einstein?

Me:" ummm, no that is an Indian."

After about a minute of gazing at my skis he asks

" well, do you know what ranking it is? You can usually tell by the feathers on its headdress."

I just sat there and didnt say anything because he was SO annoying.

"I'm pretty sure that it is a hunter, wait no! It is a cheiff! No it's a food gatherer."

This went on for about five more minutes then he asks

"Can you ski backwards?"

I wanted to face palm my brains out!!!
 
-asian man approaching me while workin liftie on the cable tow-

"so what is the primary intended purpose of the use of these"-he says as he gestures towards the ski poles in his hand...

...idk brah...to throw at gapers?
 
Biggest poser gaper with antigens full tilts and the tightest saga Durtschi pro sees my friend do a 9 an goes to his mom wow did u see tht kid do a helicopter he must be a pro.....
 
i got yelled at by a father with a child saying that he and his daughter were in line for the tow rope... there is no line for a tow rope.
 
Standing at top of park calling my runGaper son to Gaper dad: Dad I saw him spin off a jump!

Me: Look opposite direction.

Gaper dad: Wow do you do grinds too?

Me: Yeah.

Gaper dad: Can you teach me?

Me: (Look down at his jeans and 15 year K2 rental skis)... I would't advise it.
 
Yesterday, at the end of the day when everybody goes home through the same piste, I nose butter 5 on some kind of hump, land switch (quite obvious for us) and a man/ dad passes by so close, nearly crashed into me, he got scared more than I did and yelled:

Dad: "why the fuck are you skiing backwards, look in front of you"

I was like, "wait, are you that stupid ? where do you think i'am looking ass hole".
 
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