The best gaper quotes

i just heard the classic black diamond line today.'he's ballsy as hell! he doesn't ski well and he went down a BLACK DIAMOND."
 
Last gaper day some guy was just following people around shouting "SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE" before cutting them off and making them eat shit. It was pretty fucking hilarious
 
Since its almost winter me and some of my classmates are talking about skiing ect. And then one of my friends comes up to me and says (He does parkour and has never been on skis in his entire life)

Him: I bet i can do a backflip first try on skis.

Me and the others: Dude, you have never even been on skis before?

Him: No, but i can do a backflip on the ground, doing it on a pair of planks cant be that hard.

Me and the others: ........

We just didn't want to discuss that anymore lol..

 
I'm willing to bed that he COULD do a backflip first try, as long as he could hit the jump straight at the right speed. There is literally no skill involved in doing a backflip on skis, just proper speed and commitment, and if he already is comfortable doing flips, he probably wouldn't pussy out.
 
theres this gaper in my school, and for a class trip we went on a 3 night hiking trip. on the first day, the kid brought an extra large glass jar of salsa for lunch, and when he got to the top of the mountain screamed "HELL YEAH" and chucked his backpack down on a rock. the salsa jar broke and for the remainder of the trip his sleeping bag/clothes were soaked with salsa. the kid was in my room that night, and he couldn't go to sleep because he was essentially swimming in a sleeping bag of salsa.
 
my friend talking to a gaper he knows

friend- i will sell you my old armada jacket for $50

gaper- i dont need it, i have a lot of jackets

friend- what jackets do you have?

gaper- my parent have a lot from when they were kids

----later in the conversation

gaper- have you heard of aspen?

friend- yeah

gaper- do you know if it is any good?

haha

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classic ones:

i dont like that run because the snow is to deep (nice powder day)
 
not a quote but a funny gaper story-

i was riding the T-bar behind 2 kids, one of them dropped his pole, when he tried to reach back to get it he dropped the other. i had to pick them up.
 
i was doing some diving at a pool, there were a bunch of elder people, eveything i did i heard a little HUHHH or shock type thing, it made me lol inside.
 
When i was pretty young my brother and my dad took a trip to some resort in Wisconsin They had one black about the equivalent of a blue anywhere else. We were told by a group of people it needed a separate waiver to go down because they and deaths and so many injuries. I was six at the time and even i laughed.
 
there was a kid at a party that had a free-skier looking shirt on (dont remember the look of it or most of the night). anyways i abandoned the idea of asking where chads gap existed so i threw out "so you're an NSer?" and he responded "Nah man I ski for fun"

not necessarily a gaper but i raffed
 
iv'e run across a few skiers who without a second thought i'd assume was a ns, but they end up having no idea what im talking about.
 
Spent all last year working at arizona snowbowl, with 3 good pow days. The first day had 11 inches of fresh and it was still dumping. This lady sees me in my instructors coat and asks where she can get a refund. I point her to guest services, but she decides to explain to me that it hasn't once in the last 10 years she has been skiing here, it is supposed to snow at night then be sunny (it was puking all day). I try to convince her that a foot of light and dry can be fun, she then calls over her husband. He has some old volants and says they don't make skis for days like this (i'm holding my Gotmas), grabs his wife, and presumably leaves. never got their refund...
 
gaper- do you live here?me-yep

gaper-wait there like a school here?

me- ...yes

gaper- wow really?! how do you get weed and stuff

me- laugh *get on chairlift and dont look back*
 
Not really a quote but this really happend. Here is the video.

This is a little park i ride when i dont want to drive all the way to the bigger resorts and there are Gapers all over the place. The look my little brother throws into the camera at 1.28 makes it so much better.

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me: Ya, we got a foot of snow!Her: We got so much that you couldn't even move when you went into teh woods, it was like up to my shins!!
 
I was on the lift and there was a packastan iran looking guy, typical loaded indian doctor first time skiing, and he fell, and i was like are you alright. and He replied in a Indian accent, " I trip on a black dimond." and at the top i laughed alot.
 
The other day me and my bro are riding up the lift with a single rider and me and bro are talking about the new park set up. He says "there's some huge jumps on the yodler, you should go check them out". Yodler is a black diamond and the "jumps" we're 30 foot tall mounds made from snowmaking one every 20 yards or so lmao. So funny
 
A few days ago one of my friends asked me while skiing if there was a machine that could turn snow into powder.
 
Also, one time I asked my friend who is a total gape what his favorite thing to do in the park was..he said "get big air off the jumps to the rails"
 
Some snowboarding dad to his skiing kid- what do you think is cooler snowboarding or skiing?

Kid-skiing

Dad- *laughs* no I don't think so son, snowboarding is cooler
 
Was on the lift with a father and son the other day. The son asked his pa how the moguls were made and his old man went on about some machine he think he saw once that they use to make em. Was trying to hard not to crack up laughing.
 
gaper (with tom boots): can u do a backwards onto the flat box?me:.... ya

Gaper: DO IT! (he was excited)

me: i proceed to "do backwards onto the flat box" and hike back up

gaper: Do u have a Newschoolers?

me: Ya.......?

gaper: do u have sponsored?

me: sponsors*?

gaper: YOU DO?!!!!!!!

me: what? no...

gaper:.....oh

he left after this......

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i was standing in line to buy some lunch, i over hear some gapers tsalking about all the "totally gnar" (gnar pronounced how its spelled)... at this point there weren't any jumps set up in the park...

Gaper1: ya i think ill start doing corks after lunch

Gaper2: me too.. they're easy right?

gaper1: ya i can do cork 180's off the flat rail up-down

(he was referring to an a-frame that was about 4inches wide)

gaper2: ya ill try after lunch

i kept my eye on them because i couldnt belive that was going to happen......

they would hit it normally then go switch out, and freak out over the "cork" they just did

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i think the amount of people with after bangs and marker squires is funny...i count atleast 15 everytime i go

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can u backflip?

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i have traveling circus skis and no one at my hill has herd about them i guess?

gaper: Will?

me: what? me?

gaper: are u will Wesson? (pronounced wEEEson'd)

me: no.... why?

gaper: u have his skis

me: ya i got them at corbetts (local ski shop)

gaper: but u can only have them if ur in travelling circus

---at this point i decided to fuck with him a little----

me:..okay...u caught me.... im Cole Drexler

gaper: who?

me: i pointed at Cole on the ski

gaper: holy crup can i get your autograph

me: i dont have a marker though, We're all going to be here this saturday, y dont u come bck with a bunch of ur friends then?

Gaper: OKAY!!! and he skied off

atleast he'll have friends saturday :P

 
So the other day I was working in my hills rental shop when this guy comes in and asks for a set of skis. we sized him up and brought out a pair of regular carving skis (120-74-110) however when we showed them to him he said " I don't want powder skis, why are these so fat" so for like the next ten minutes we explained to him what actual pow skis are like.
 
Called a shop in Calgary and asked if they sold replacement lenses for Electric goggles. The guy said..'Oh...you mean like to get rid of the fog..?'
 
I was sitting on the chair with gapers the other day and was asked some classic gaper questions "are those trick skis?" "why dont you use those little short ones?""do you do tournaments?" "can you hit the big jump?"
 
My local hill is packed with gapers, even in the park, anyway, this gaper pizzas into the park and starts talking shit, my friends and i decided to pounce on the situation and strike up a conversation this is how it went.....

Us: Hey man, whats up?

gaper: killin it NBD

us: *hold back our laughter* cool.... u ride here often?

gaper: ya a little bit, im too good for this park so whatever

us: cool stuff man, u gunna hit this rail? (reffering to a 15ft down rail)

gaper: obvi.... he looks around for about 5 min. the yells DROOOOOP! while throughing up one hand with his poles that are way too long..... he waits another 30 seconds to go, once he finally goes he says "yo smell this shit one" (reffering to the tom wallisch and simon dumont video)

he jumps too early, land on the lip going up to the rail... crushing it... the yells "SUCK IT!" he didnt come back into the park the rest of the night.....

 
"No honey that railing is for snowboarders only, skiers won't fit on it"

"Yes they just go sideways on it"

"Are you sure, I don't think so"
 
So I get on the ski lift today and this guy says, "Oh great, we have to sit with a f***ing skier." He turns to what was his girlfriend I'm assuming and says "I f***ing hate "fruitbooters"(lolwut)." He then go's on about how he refuses to wear a jacket and only wears them in "white-out" conditions while skiing back country. As we get to the top of the lift he asks his girlfriend, "Now what do we know about weed? Only (insert racial slur here) smoke weed." Mind you, the guy is wearing one of those wolf hats with the paws and all, a cardigan, a bib, and his pants were tucked into his boots.
 
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