The best gaper quotes

Skied at Alta for a season (gaper capital of the world) I had some rockered pow skis and every fucking person I ran into asked me this. Some of them were serious.
 
so me and my friends were doing some laid out backys of a side cut jump in out park. right after geting done with some cork 7's

Ski patrol: hey you guys you cant do flips in here.

Me: why not weve done them all year and you just saw us land some corks?????

Ski patrol: no i didnt you just did a spin these you can land on your head!

Friend: Dude we can do flips in the park its fine go ask manegment!

Ski patrol: no sir you can not they are not aloud.

so we ride away pissed we then get to the top see the guy watching us we do a train of backys and stezze em all out. you can hear the people on the lifts saying OMG!!!! we get to the lift and the patrol comes down sorry guess i gunna clip your passes.

CLIPS PASS!!!!!!!!!

we walk up to the owner sense we are all on ski school team. hey can we get our passes back sure guys! come back next day the patrol was fired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :O i feel loved
 
On the chairlift riding up with a gaper wearing twin tips and his mom.

Gaper: Are those old fashion skis? (to my dad)

Dad: No they're mogul skis I used to ride when I competed

Gaper: Oh wow they don't look good

Dad: Wut
 
I'm using this from now on.

Tree60, hows the snow today?

oh its pretty tall dude, might want to bring your pow sticks.
 
The main one i get is: "Does it help to ski with shorter poles" or "why are your poles so short?"

or people ask me if my skis are broken because of the rocker haha
 
Was crusing away from a lift switch when someone asked 'are you a snowboarder?'.

I just bert stared them trying to work out if they were serous.

I think i made a sarcastic remark to witch they got offended. I guess they were.
 
There's no reason not to reply, even if the questions are stupid. Not replying just makes you look like a dick, and by extension anyone who wears tall tees and has their goggle strap under their helmet.
 
not exactly a gaper quote but everyone that walks by my computer when im watching an edit or sees my wallpaper they ask is that you and its so dumb because they ask me everyday and im my wallpaper never changes
 
He's right, a lot of the people in this thread must come off as pretentious assholes when they ignore people that aren't "oh so enlightened with skiing knowledge" as you. Be nice, answer the gaper, and mabeye they will be interested in freeskiing themselves.
 
no reply but the best on this 90page tread

reverendwrong

11:43:58

so the biggest fag in my grade ended up sitting next to me while in the computer lad for english. i finish up early and proceede to the next years gear preview on good old NS. It is a well known fact that i ski, in fact im the only freestyle skier in the skool and capitan of the race team, also i was wearing my head skis shirt and an armada hoodie at the time just to add to the fact that i was a skier....this is the conversation that insued..........

dbag:soo.....ur lookin at skis huh..?

me: ya im takin a look at next years shit

dbag: ya im a pretty good skier, i did a black diamond at vail

me: special?

awkward silence

dbag: those dont look like normal skis

for reference im looking at hellbents

me: ya their rockered twin tip pow skis ur never gonna see these in mn

dbag: what does that mean...do you mean pow-der skis?

me: yes they are for pow-der

dbag: ohhhh so why are they so wide?

me: becasue they are pow skis

dbag: wouldnt that make them worse?

me: now that makes them much better

dbag: no it dosent you want a long ski so you go faster so you can push through it

me: no you want a wide ski so you float so you dont sink in

dbag: but thats gonna make them slow, you need a long ski trust me the shorter it is the slower they are

me: first off, your a retard and have no fucking idea what your talking about. second, length dosent directly factor into speed. third, you need a wide ski so you have a greater surface area so you dont sink.

dbag: ok dont get angry i dont wanna argue phisics with you you cant float on powder. plus no one will buy those skis anyway the pictures and name arent family friendly no parent would ever buy those for kids

me(extreemly pissed): wtf u dumb cunt. not only do i not trust anything you say because your a fucking gaper, but ur in special fucking ed so anything you say related to phisics is usually wrong. Those graphics are tits, who gives a shit about how "family friendly" they are. So shut up you sack of shit, no one likes you, and your ugly........

.....have a nice day

dbag: hey you cant tal.....

me: you lose talking privliges shut the hell up

dbag: but you can...

me: what did i fucking tell you shut up

dbag: im tellin....

me: what part of no talking privliges do u not understand?

he shuts up for the rest of the hour
 
You better be lying, because if you actually did that, you deserve to be slapped, hard, for being such a pretentious little asshole.

 
i was wearing my level 1 hoodie one day when i got to the lift for my first lap of the day the liftie asked if i was going to get to level 2 that day. i got a good chuckle out of that.
 
"rails arent real skiing"what is then?

"who can go fastest"

presumably raced and beat the guy

at my mountain most old guys embrace park skiing and dont complain about it
 
lol dont get mad about it. i just couldnt think of a reply. obviously yes would be the answer but it just seemed to obvious of an answer. calm down
 
Ok well in perisher at one point we had a super kicky 65 foot step down, and it was the last jump in the park. I was waiting for my friend on the knuckle of the jump, and a gaper comes down the in run, and im thinking, "Oh, he's going to go too slow and have to hike up the takeoff and roll down the other side."

He hits the jump with a bit of speed but not enough to clear the jump. Because it was heaps kicky, he went really high, but only made like 45 foot.

He got completely raped, he had a yard sale.

He picked up his stuff and then his mum comes down to him and says"That was very good timmy!"

and he replies "I Know, just imagine if a pro skier had seen me, he might have wanted to ski with me!"

Also another time where a gaper tried a backflip off a jump he hasn't cleared yet, he just knuckled it all day, he landed DIRECTLY on his head and was knocked out and was carted down the hill in a blood bucket.
 
I was walking into a ski shop yesterday and this old lady (early 60's or something) is like-Nice Armadas, I just bought some myself.

In my head I was like, no, you don't know what you're talking about

She gets in her car and I see a new pair of Armada twin tips on her roof.

They might've been for someone else, but I was pretty suprised...
 
to save on gas i decided i would ride up with this gaper that goes to my school and lives near by We were going to leave about 8 and when i got up and got ready about to head to his house at 7:50 i look at my phone and see a txt from him. It said "i dont want to go up today i looked online and it said the mountain has got 20+ inch of snow and it hasnt been groomed. It would be a terrible day of skiing with that much snow." I erased this fuck from my contacts, got in my car to drive myself and havnt talked to the freak since haha
 
Here's my gaper friend:572489.jpeg

After a morning in the park (he can't do shit. He knuckled a 3ft baby table) he said he wanted to go to the chalet and buy lunch. I said fine cause i guess thats reasonable enough. He gos inside and removes EVERY piece of ski gear he has on. It took him like 10 minutes. His shits scattered everywhere. He has on this youth size xs ski shirt on (hes about 5' 11")

gaper: I got this shirt for skiing every triple black diamond backcountry run. (I can't remember what he said. Alaska or some stupid shit like that.) I didnt like it too much cause the lifts take to long to get to the top and the snow is too deep.

Me: You have no fucking idea what you're talking about do you.

gaper: Yeah. Im as good as you.

Me: well. back to the park. (as i leave him standing there in his socks and long johns)

And yeah. Thats a scarf.
 
him: "i hope the clouds come out and it gets colder so the water evaporates out of the snow and it turns into powder"

me: you do know that if it gets colder all that would do is freeze the water in the snow right?

him: "well i suppose you would know"

/wrists. god damn people are stupid
 
572522.jpeg

This picture depicts two gaperus maximus' sitting on a chaillift ill dressed for the weather as you can tell they have doned rained pants and have no neck/face protection from the elements. As well the gaper furthest from the camera thinks that in this skiing environment, he will be accepted into the skiing culture by wearing Oakleys (Shaun whites signature). Both are sporting the gaper gap and the one furthest away is holding poles that are too big and are equipped with powder baskets on a mountain with no fresh snow at any point in the season. Upon this discovery that these two (although nice people) people were the largest gapers ever, Yumpytrain and I bestowed it upon ourselves to make these two as steezy as possible, we have made no progress
 
At school today:

So I said something about how my friend tore his ACL, and how it is a pretty common injury for skiing.

Him: "ACL's don't matter at all for skiing."

*facepalm*

Me: "Hey Jared, where is the ACL located?"

Him: "In your calf."

*double facepalm*
 
Playing Shredsauce in school, I did a 180 (landing switch , and the kid sitting next to me says "that's so much harder in real life" I'm like "what? landing backwards?" "Yeah, I mean I know a few people can do it, but It's pretty ridiculous"

 
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