The best gaper quotes

i wear snowpants that look like jeans so some small kid comes up to me and says

kid: are those jeans

me: no there snowpants

kid: where are they from

me: burton

kid: no they arent, you snowboard

me: so?

kid: so you cant wear burton if you ski

me: so how come im skiing?

kid skis away and his mom gives me a dirty look and i lold so hard
 
ya one time a guy asked me like what type of boots my 2012 tomwalish full tilt hot dogerz ($750 MSRP) where and i waz lik OMG
 
as my friend is getting fitted by a "bootfitter"(the guy didnt know what the fuck he was doing. first he put my friend that has really narrow feet into booters, he goes to buckle them up and puts the cables into the wrong slots. then, he put my friend in spk's and tried to tell him that they were developed by salomon to give the good skiers "room to move their feet in their boots while theyre doing stuff in the trick park" my friend had specifically said that he would only be skiing a small amount of park too, mostly groomers, and the guy kept trying to sell him park boots, if you wanna call them that.later i said that i had gone skiing on mt. hood this summer and he asked me if i went to momentum or camp of champs. gotta love small-town shop employees
 
**NOT MINE** I found this in TGR, originally posted by marshalolson, but it's priceless, so I'm posting it here:

guy on chairlift: look at those skis on that guy in front of us!!! they are those rockered ones.

me: ok

G.O.C: those are only good for the powder. i don't know why you would ski on them today (2 runs open at loveland in october). you need to have a ski with metal and a tight sidecut (he has neither in his skis... atomic sx:7) to get the most out of todays conditions

me: you should probably watch how he skis...

G.O.C: i am not saying anything about him, but those skis are for powder. they won't carve because of the rocker, and they just skid around, becasue of the rocker... they are for powder.

me: seriously, you should watch how he skis them...

G.O.C: i just don't get it. it is not a powder day.

me: [turn ipod louder and wish the lift was faster]

skis in question: obsethed.

skier with skis in question: seth morrison
 
the guy who runs the park at my local hill called it the snowboard park on a video on the website. WTF
 
Pretty much everyone on this page sounds like a gaper themselves.

The other day there was a big bus group that came to my mountain, it was hilarious seeing packs of Russians come mobbing down the hill and eating shit.
 
Going up the lift with a random guy and his daughter, the lift is right above the park, and some skiers go and straight air the jumop, then a few go and do 3's, and the guy is like to his 8 year old daughter "sweetie, one day you will be able to do all of that stuff in the skate park just like those guys and hit all the big ramps".
 
Lady taking her kids through the park

Me: Hey this really isn't a beginner run for your kids to learn to ski on

Her: Oh they aren't learning...

Me: Well uhhh.... *ski away flabbergasted*

I seriously couldn't think of anything to say to this lady after watching her and her children wedge down the park for several runs.

 
ONE TIME I WAS DOING EVERY DOUBLE AND THIS HOT GIRL WAS LIKE WANNA HAVE SEX SO WE DID. WHAT A GAPER RIGHT?!?!?

Seriously 90% of these stories are the most painful untrue claims for attention. Lets get back on track here kids
 
They had to take the picnic table out of the park near me cause gapers would sit on it and one got hurt. Their faces were hilarious though when someone hit the table while they were sitting at it. One even went to ski patrol about it LOL.
 
with a guy i know who snowboards, poorly me: yeah i freestyle ski now, this is my 3rd season

him: sick i can do backflips on my snowboard, im working on double backflips but they're kind of hard.

me: -________________-
 
haha, urban dictionary's definition

Gaper

A gaper is a skiier or snowboarder who is completely clueless. Usually distiungished by their bright colored clothes and a gaper gap, the gap between goggles and a helment/hat. Gapers also do the "Gaper Tuck" which is an attempt at being a ski racer by tucking, however, it is done incorrectly with the poles sticking straight up like thunderbolts and lighting, very very frightning! Gapers also sit at the bottom of jumps and try and go big off table tops in the park.

1. My eyes are burning from that gapers bright colored clothes.

2. I fell off the chair laughing at that gaper tuck.

3. Did you just see that gaper getting landed on because he was sitting like a dumbass at the landing of a jump
 
"Thats my wife over there skiing. Sge is really bad can even get off the ski lift." then he falls getting off the ski lift.
 
I have been asked so many times if I've seen JPs street segment from All.I.Can, and people aren't Bowen away by the filming or concept, but by the fact that he was skiing in a town and on rails. oh well, at least it's some exposure.
 
going up the lift in 50 degree weather guy next to me says why is this all grass they should be making snow!! i said well it needs to be around 27 28 degrees to make snow he then says nooo thats crazy they have snow machines that make their own snow
 
A kid at my school who thinks he isn't a gaper and everyone else is tryes to tell me the 3xl jiberish re up I was wearing was for gapers and all people who wear baggy clothing when skiing are gapers. I told him he is restarted and walked away
 
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my parents see my new poles there asking me why i got my poles really short, then my sister chimes in he just's wants to look like a snowboarder. i laughed soooo hard at her
 
Gaper: What do you call those things?

Friend: Skis

Gaper: No but the back is bent

Friend: Twin Tips....

(Gaper stares in astonishment)

 
this kid on the chair lift: I like your masks

us: you mean goggles

this kid: yea

then there was a silent moment

this kid: Can I show you a magic TRICK at the top!

us: uhh yea

at the top he lifted the bar with his elbow and made his hands look like he was pulling it up without touching it. lol
 
my family was moving so we were out looking at houses with a real estate agent, one house we went to had a backyard setup with a couple rails so i was looking at them and talking about it and stuff. The real estate agent didn't know what it was so i told her its for skiing, she looked confused and then said "you go down those??!!!......with ur skis on??!!!"
 
yesterday was there was a pretty good dump at hood (about a foot fell over night, and probably another 6 inches while skiing), and i got so many quotes due to riding the singles line most of the day.

"I HATE powder, it slows you down so much!"

"this snow is so hard to turn in, i wish they would groom it already"

"I wish i had brought my chronics today, pow skis would have been so nice!" (it was some racer kid saying this, and yes he did think the line chronics were pow skis)"

"boy, i bet your skis float real well today" (coming from and old dude referring to my suspects. i need to get some pow skis.)

"IS THAT MOUNT ST. HELENS!?!" (little kid pointing to the top of mt hood)

"My toes are cold, when are we going in for lunch mom?" (it was about 9:30, lifts open at 9:00)
 
my friend works at a shop and some kid came up to him with a powder ski, he asked

"why do you sell snowboards in packs of two?"
 
Not really a gaper, but a dumbass snowboarder kid that is really fuckin stupid and knows NOTHING about freeskiing

1. Him: "You know that Sarah chick that died?"

Me: "Yeah, it's pretty sad. She died from a heart attack after hitting her head and not getting enough oxygen to her brain."

Him: "No she didn't, she tried trying a triple cork"

Fuck I wanted to punch him out. And he is fucking 17 years old.

2. "I really wanna go to Park City, every run is a park."

Me: "No, every run isn't a park."

Him: "Yeah they are, that's why it's called Park City"

3. Him: "My skier friend had a pair of Line bindings that were meant for freestyle because they were really tight, and they only went up half notches so you hardly had to tighten them to do butters and stuff."

I facepalmed.
 
Standing beside 2 people in lift line about to get on the chair

Girl: what is that guy wearing?(points to me)

Guy: that is a ski helmet.

Girl: where do you get them?

Guy: you can get them for about $80.

Then I look around the lift and almost everybody is wearing a helmet...
 
gaper: how do u get in to the halfpipeme: uhh you can either drop in or just go to the front

gaper: oh, i want to drop in

me: just find a bit of a rivet then just jump in.

gaper: WHAT!! you can do that

me: yah

gaper: im just gonna slide down on my but

me: alright bro then i drop in

 
Me: Have you ever even hit a jump.Gaper: Yeh I go to hit a rail then i decide not to and go off the side of the jump. Me: Facepalm
 
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