ShitMyDadSays on Twitter

"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on

the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking

Honda Accord."

hahaha I hope my dad says shit like this when he's 75
 
hahahaha

"I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and

took up fencing. How the fuck you think, son? I exercised."

"There's a word for people like that...No, I'm

saying, there's a word and I don't know what it is. I'm not being

fucking poetic."

 
"No presents goddamit. I'm turning 74. I don't

need you to commemorate that with a fucking Barnes and Noble gift card."
 
hahaha best
"Happy birthday, I didn't get you a present...Oh, mom got you one? Well, that's from me then too, unless it's shitty."
 
There was also @shitbrogansays, which I think was Brogan's twitter, or someone chronicling the stuff he said. Pretty funny, but is disabled now i beleive.
 
"Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a fucking parade every time i take a piss."
haha
 
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