My theory on how to never need to wipe:
Eat lots of nuts, lettuce and soy products like Cliff bars. Don't drink any alcohol. Don't eat any dairy. When you go to shit, elevate your feet up about 2 feet, if your toilet is across from a shower/tub combo this works perfect, elevate your feet on that. Once sitting in the correct position, push the shit out as hard and fast as you can, you are limited to 7 seconds of pushing, and when it comes out and you get that feeling that you clinched and some went back in, don't push it back out. You won't need to wipe, or wipe once and you will see no shit!
This is how you save the environment, one shit at a time.