My relationship...

K

k2_kodi

Member
...is insane. here's the deal. i am a skier and need to be around snow and

things like that. I am engaged to someone who isn't like that and who

built a house and is pretty much set to live where we live for life. i

can never stop thinking about being out west, and my friend's recently

offered me the vacant bedroom in their house to live in. the only thing

holding me back is my fiancee of course. we talk about it, he gets mad

then really really really really upset. i've never seen him like that.

yesterday he was crying and begging me not to leave, but in my mind, i'm

already gone. basically we built this house together and everything in

there i did...i am just wondering if he is going to go insane, or will

he eventually get over it
 
obviuosly he's not the guy for you if he's not gunna respect any of your wishes about being able ski and shit.

but in all seriousness what were you thinking when you were building this house together with him if you knew what you were getting into?
 
yeah i did think about it but he asked me to please try and get over

the skiing thing for him...and i tried, i really did. but i just can

not stop thinking about where i should be. i feel like the biggest jack

ass on earth, but i think i have to do this or i'm going to be miserable
 
You need the ladies man cult!

Wow I just lost my ladies man cult post virginity, and probably not in the right thread, i feel aweful
 
uh yeah. katie...help. i really dont know what to do. this is going to

be the hardest thing of my life really. if i go, which i pretty much think

i am...i'll be gone next weekend
 
you only get one life. but more than half of these responses are going to be coming from 12 -18 year olds who know nothing about your situation. i dont think the members of newschoolers should tell you how to live your life. make your own decisions
 
yeah i know this isn't the place...but i really dont know what is. and

maybe someone has a point i haven't thought of. i'm really just exhausted

from thinking about this...
 
that is really young to be getting married...in my opinion that is too young. i dont know all the details of your relationship, but it seems as though you haven't lived enough of your life to be getting married. it seems as though you realize that too, but are afraid to really admit it.
 
rural or city?

is it possbile to move out west to an area thats the same, but close enoought o have good skiing within and hour or so drive?
 
it's rural here. he just doesnt want to move b/c his house and his job

and he just isn't so much into the skiing thing
 
well he might not be in it, but he has to relize that you are.

Gotta work both ways.

Build a house out west in rural area or soemthing
 
I would go. I mean, if you dont it'll kill you inside not to be skiing, regardless of being with him. and you will wonder your whole life "what if I had gone out West?". ANd you will end up resenting your husband/fiancee for making you stay, leading to problems. Just go.
 
put it this way...

this guys telling you to "get over it" and not respecting your opinions and wishes.... and then flipping out when you bring the topic up. just think about how much of a jerk he may be later in life...

I think later your just going to be bound ditching him..
 
take this seriously, that is too young to be married. whether u split right away or not, its too young about ten years... at least my dada and step mom just got divorced because she married him too young (she was 27) you need more time in your life to settle down, fidn out eho you are and what you like to do. you need more time to ski, be with friends and maybe even date. it will not end well if you either are always leaveing to ski (you wont be happy, will look other places to be happy) or if you never leave for hiim youll be resentful of him changing you. he may be the perfect guy for you and visa versa but its not the perfect time nor place. gl making ur choice
 
malinda.... its true... you only do have one life.. and this is a great opportunity... because WHO in there right mind wants to be stuck in Somerset forever.

but just make sure you have everything worked out before you go out there.. and that includes a job.
 
well if he cries, and begs you not to do somethign you love, he's not for you... or anyone.. a real man allows her woman do do anything, also a real man likes snow and snow sports... but the funny thing was is when i first read fiancee or however its spelt... i was like how is a fenc holding you back? just climb over it... then i was like wait its not a fence... haha
 
youll never know what it was like to live in the west unless you do. youve gotta go. its way to early to be thinking of marriage. you gotta have some fun and live the single life a little longer, and if he truly loves you, hell know where your coming from.

remember, you never know...
 
should have thought about all that before you guys built a house together. but like everyone said you are really young to be getting married. if he really loves you hell let you go and you could live there for a year or 2 maybe hell move there after awhile who knows. but if he really loves you hell respect your decision. go out there for a year or 2 then go back, compromise a little bit. then hopefully youll figure yourself out more. just because you guys are engaged doesnt mean you have to get married right away, lots of people get engaged and wait alwhile to actually tie the knot. the west will always be there and so will airplanes, cars etc. you could just vacation there later.
 
malinda, i would miss you so much, but its probably whats best for you. ive never met him so i cant say too much but i think youll be happier. and if its supposed to work out, then it will in the long run.

if i come to springs this weekend will you be there still?
 
Here are my thoughts on it:

If you aren't in a place where you are happy, then you will only be able to find happiness within your house, perhaps in your husband. But you will be bitter about it. Think about it... The way people are raised, where and how they live influences their life sooo much. if you aren't living somewhere you will be happy then you won't be able to look outside and smile... you will slowly become more bitter as time goes on, and simultaneously be working yourself into a worse situation for trying to move somewhere new.

Also... you are young. Maybe hold off on the engagement. How long where you dating for? do you really know this guy at 22 years old?

Last thing... if he wants to stay for "work and the house" what is he really focused on? he is focused on money from his job and his material wealth. Maybe that's what feeds his soul... but in marriage, you two should feel like you share a soul, if not a part of it. Therefore, what hurts you should make him unhappy too... You are looking to feed the part of your sould he can't. He should be able to respect that as much as you want to respect his job and house.

I live life under the assumption that you can make anything work if you want it to. There is almost always a way. If you get worried about something that is happening, then you can't handle it to the best of your abilities. If something is going to happen, then don't worry about it, because worrying can't change the inevitable. keeping a cool head will  help you deal with it better.

The bottom line.... You need to be happy. if you live your life based on what he wants all the time, you will become bitter, and it will lead to a bad relationship. Of course marriage is about compromise, just don't let it always be you doing the compromising.

Eventually you will need to talk it out, otherwise you will never know what the alternative could have been, and it may become something you regret.
 
I don't think he's right for you if he's not going respect what you love. A part of a great relationship is respecting each other's love of something. Just my two cents, it's really all up to you though.
 
if you're really sure you love him, get married, live in PA, and take ski trips out west every year. If your not sure, fuck him, and go to Utah
 
are you really messed up in the head? i mean i love skiing but if you love someone enough to accept engagement and get married than you can make the sacrifice of staying in PA there is skiing there regardless of how shitty it is and yes i realize i'm going to get hated on but you sound like you ate paint ships when you were a kid. your priorities are not in order
 
if you leave and you made the wrong decision you can always go back and if he loves you as much as he says he does he will take you back but if you dont leave you will never know
 
this is no 12-18 year old advice- i'm 27. anyway if theres any doubt then you shouldn;t be engaged to this guy. and if your lifestyle is skiing and his is not then there seems to be an obvious problem.

skiing is a major reason i've drifted apart from girls - if they don;t get it- then there's really no way of explaining it. and then a partner will not understand that as much as you may love them you need skiing in your life. if they prevent that from happening -then long term you're not gonna be a happy person and the relationship will fail.

good luck figuring out what to do.
 
To give up on a relationship...which is heading toward marriage to be a ski bum in somebodys basement is immature and stupid. Grow up and find another hobby. Skiing is a fun thing to do...it is not your life. Anyone that says "skiing is my life" simply hasn't experienced the rest of the world. Giving up on a marriage for snow is retarded.
 
i think that it is ridiculous that people are telling you that 22 is too young to be married. there is no such thing as too young to be married (except maybe under 20) because people are all DIFFERENT; my parents, for instance, met at 18 and married at 22 and they have been happy together for 30 years. that being said.....if you are going to end up miserable and bitter because you always think of "what could have been" you will ruin your relationship or at least the happiness of your relationship. if you truly cannot live happily without snow and mountains then he needs to respect that. its all about compromise and it sounds like he may not understand that. good luck. and i'm sure that whatever you chose to do....you'll be happy :D
 
This is a serious response.

I am in a co-op program at UW which means i do 4mnths work, 4 mnths school, 4 mnths work, 4 mnths school blah blah.

My gf is also in a co-op program at the same University, but she is "off-stream" with me. Meaning when I am working, she is in school and vice-versa.

We are both 20 years old. I love to ski. She doesn't. I am trying my best to get all of my co-ops out West. Her co-ops take her to Rome, NY, Toronto and all the big cities where I don't want to be.

We went into all of this knowing the difficulty of not seeing each other for 4,8,12,16 months at a time. But we both realized each others dreams and the importance of living these dreams while we are young and able (ie. not tied down with marriage/children/work etc.)

It seems as if your boyfriend hasnt seen this dream. He loves you, but is showing some really obsessive behaviour in terms of wanting you to stay in rural ville. If this is a glimpse of what marriage would be... I think you should get out. He should be sad about you wanting to leave, but he should also realize why you want to do this and in his realization he should support you ccompletely.

the end.

 
i find it odd that you are engaged and there is such a big relationship issue between you guys. i mean, you are young....so if you want to ski and move out west, then nows the time to do it right? while you can still enjoy it to the fullest. if he cant accept that skiing is such a big part of your life....how did you make it that far to getting engaged?

i dont know.. i mean i dont ski...and my boyfriend does, weve been togehter for 4 years now, and ive alwadys encourged his skiing, and ive moved to whistler with him so he could ski, while i found a way to do my own thing. i know hes always more than appreciated me beinng so supportive of something that meant so much to him.
 
I agree with mat*..if he cant realize that skiiing is what you love to do and cannot see you cant live without it than he's probably not the guy for you...he has just had a goal set and never really thought about what you might have wanted
 
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