Most embarrasing thing you have ever said to you parents

i was like five and was tryin to figure out what rhymed with kitty for a new name for my cat you know? so i started callin my cat titty and my mom flipped dont know why cause it aint to bad
 
super bored in the midst of summer,decide to wax my morning wood and my bedroom door is open i finished and looked up and the door was closed. weird
 
two akwards stories, first, i was single and had to releave myself, so i was going at it, then my mom cracks the door and starts to hav e a conversation about dinner with me, she never lookied into the room so i dont think she knew, but it was just akward

second was last week, i was at the doctors, and i was like "yeah he asked if i drank and how much i told him 2-3 beers once a month and he flipped" then my mom goes good thing you didnt tell him your drinking handles of tequilla (she find my shit around my room alot, but doesnt care) this whole time the docot was sitting right behind me and heard the whole thing
 
I was just yelling "stop fucking sucking" at the WVU game and my mom heard me, and she never hears me cuss. thats probably the most embarrassing thing.
 
me to lil bro

"Conner your such a douche grow up"

my mom

"BROOKLYNN DO YOU KNOW WHAT DOUCHE MEANS!?"

me to my mom

"yeah but we dont use it in that sence"

mom to me

its for cleaning vaginas brooklynn thats disgusting

me to mom

i know what its for.

mom to me

then why did you say it

me to mom

we dont use it in that sence, why do you call lesbians dykes? do you know what a dyke is? its a bridge mom

then my mom shut up
 
I was about 8 and i was playing Triple Play Baseball on PS1 with my brother so my brother leaves to a friends house and i went up to eat lunch and i was singing the song that was playing it went "going in the wrong direction,going in the wrong direction" the version my brohter was singing was 'i got a really big erection,got a really big erection' i was eating and i started singing it. she asked what i was saying and i didnt know what it was and i just said

"David told me to"
 
when i was like 5 i didnt know wut a blowjob was when i heard my uncle say it

so i thought he said blowjog like people who jog

so when joggers ran by our house i used to run outside and yell BLOWJOGGERS!
 
I was at the 99 yes the resturant with my family and my buddy and his family. i was about 10 or 11 and this guy walks by and had like pink pants and a girls shirt on and my dad says "haha someones a litlle g-a-y" and then not even thinking i was like yea dad hes a big faggot. my buddy was trying not to laugh cuz he knew if he did hed get in trouble to. lets just say i didnt have fun for some time after that.
 
i got another one but it doesnt involve me. one of my friends was over this girls house. and her parents were home . so him and this girl are goin at it and he starts fingering her. so they finish and she starts givin him shit for somethin and he sticks his fingers in her mouth and screams HOWS IT TASTE BITCH!. meanwhile her dad was standing in the doorway and just looks at him and says "i dont even wanna know what happened but either way just get the fuck out'
 
When i was around 8 or 9 me and my family were eating dinner, totally silent, and i decided the yell "BREAST PUMPS". Everyone was looking at me like wtf? i'm pretty sure i got the breast pumps thing from meet the parents, but damn looking back on that it's funny as hell.
 
ok theres a few good ones to tell

When I was younger my parents, mostly my mom, would always get pissed off at me for saying frigg, so finally one day my mom attempts to end my problem by explaining to me that figg means female masturbation, imaine you and your mom talking about that

heres the second story, last summer and spring I was looking at a lot of porn on my computer pretty often, I started getting viruses, then it got so bad my desktop backround was like permemntly changed to you have 94 adult site related virues, I freak out and don't want my parents to know, and I was still on dail up, so everytime I was on someone else was using our phone line for their own use, making the bill go up

so one morning my dads like why do we have a 1,500 dollar phone bill, and I was like uggghhh, cause I looked at porn..... and got a virus

third story, one time my friend was it his girlfriends, and she was finishing him by hand, and as he finished he shot himself in the eye..........and it hurt really bad, he freaked out, his eye was all fucked and blood shot for the next day, when he got home his mom was like what happened, ...oh uhh I'm alergic to cats mom
 
One of my brothers talks and walks in his sleep all the time, and one day after skiing I guess he was finishing a conversation he had been having with his friends on the lift, so he just randomly started yelling out FUCK and CUNT a whole bunch and some other select phrases as well as a bunch of incoherent shit. It woke my mom up and she was kinda scared because he sounded really angry btu at the same time she didn't want to wake him up. Also one time when he was younger he walked down the hall to go to the bathroom but insted he turned the wrong way and took a big piss down the stairs.
 


I was in like 2nd grade. And i was at the bus stop and this older kid comes up to me and my friend and was like do u know what humping is? And i had absolutly no idea what it was. He basically told me it was like thrusting ur self against something. So i never really thought it was like a bad thing. So the next day my mom comes outside where my friend and i were playing and i was "humping" a pine cone ( i dont know why a pine cone, but it was). And she yells at me and was like "WILLIAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING". And i said " mom im humping". all she told me was that humping is how animals make babies, so i felt really bad.

 
ok, well my mom was yelling at me because my room was dirty.

mom: "you know you've really been slacking in the bedroom department!"

me:"Thats what she said"

yeaaa.....
 
yeah actually i was i the heat of the moment inthis argument

after my mom shut up i remebered it was a shitty built bridge but victory was mine so i didnt care I still gloat to her this day
 


Me to my lil bro "Conner your really starting to pack on the pounds fugly" 'jokingly'

My lil bro "your mom is packin on the pounds whatta fugly"

my mom walked in and heard that...... i swear i heard her go throw up and flush the toilet

haha

 
so I was in like 6th or 7th grade at my cabin up north, and I start feeling really horny, and being a dumb 7th grader, I just pulled down my pants and laid down on the basement couch spread eagle beating it like a rented mule, well my mom comes down the stairs and sees it. she leaves and I pull up my pants and go upstairs and she is like "what the hell" or something like that, and I tell her, for lack of a better excuse "it was itchy" she just says " yeah right jack, shut the hell up" and that is all that was ever said
 
i was about 10, and i asked my stepdad what a penis (pronounced like the writing utencil) was, but halfway through i was like, oh shit, pEEEEEnis, he lol'd

but yeah, basically everything my stepdad says

like a few years back when he referred to me starting to 'paint the ceiling' (jerk off) soon

it was awwwwwwwwwwwwkward as hell

also, my mom's best friend owns a sex shop, so the awkward moments just keep on coming, and i doubt they will ever end

i have many more, just not to share right now
 
my parents were away for the weekend once, and i had a few friends come over, we were drinking and my mom called to make sure nothing was going on, and i told her "i just joined a group on facebook called fuck western"
 
Nothing involving my parents...but nonetheless.

Last year, my friend and I were at her boyfriend's house and had been

smoking some

train wreck. A couple hours later my friend's mom came by to pick us up

and give me a ride home. I was still pretty out of it and she asked me

where I lived. I started out alright, giving her accurate directions, then everything began

to look the same to me. I was like, 'oh shit,' and started giving

her completely random directions ("left, left, right, NO WAIT! LEFT"

etc). After about five minutes of driving around, my friend--who was

considerably less fucked up than I was--looked at her mom and was like,

"Uh...she lives by Fred Myers." I started arguing with her, convinced I

didn't live by a Fred Myers, all the time her mom was still driving around

aimlessly getting more and more annoyed. Finally my friend got me to

shut up and gave her mom [correct] directions to my house. I was pretty

embarrassed and when I got out of the car I muttered something incoherent about

just moving there. Not very smooth...

Then

this happened a couple of weeks ago actually..There is a bit of a

background story, but I'll spare the details and move on to the point.

It

was almost four thirty in the morning and I was leaving a friend's

house [fairly drunk]. We had gotten there around two or three so his parents didn't

know anybody was over. I was by the door slipping my shoes on, and almost

ready to leave when I heard somebody coming down the stairs. I turned

around expecting to see my friend, instead it was this huge bald guy

wearing boxer shorts and slippers (apparently my friend's step-dad,

whom I'd never met before...and don't plan on meeting again). He

stopped mid-step, gave me a funny look, then rather rudely asked, "Who the fuck

are you?!"

I was like, "Heeeeey...I'm a friend of your sons...and I'm

leaving...riiight now.." Then as I was slipping out the door I tossed

in a meek "pleasant to meet you!"

That was super awkward...

 
Riding shotgun to my Mom, older sister in back..."I hate this bulge in my pants, it looks like I got a boner". Actually, that wasn't embarrasing, for me, just them...

 
when my parents found porn on my comp, it was funny cause my dad admitted that he looked at it and got tons of viruses, and my mom thought it was incredibly degrading and flipped out, it sucked nuts
 
me and my friend just smoke a j outside

dad "cory it smells like pot in here"

cory -"dad we have been smoking marijuana"

calvins face- =O
 
#25's basement. #25's hot Mom. #12, the dirtiest, biggest, hairiest, defenseman on the high school ice hockey team.

"#12, do the dirty squirrel!" - Me. I say that shit because I don't think he will. *Hot Mom walks in...*

"Yeah, #12, do the dirty squirrel!!!" - #25 ...I'm like oh shit...

"What's thatttt?" - Hot Mom.

#12 gets a goofy grin. Looking half baked, he turns around, tucks his balls between his legs, drops his pants, bends over, and dances with his ballsack hanging in a black pit of ass hair....

 
I watched all of jackass 2 with my parents and grandparents ... it was weird, and don't ask me why because i don't know
 
i have some embarrassing ones but this one beats them all.

my cousin when he was in like 1st grade didn't know what a boner was ofcourse. and one day he came running in to my grandpas room and just yelled "pop! pop! guess what? it grew!"

but he loves the story now, but every time it gets brought up my grandpa gets embarrassed.
 
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