Korny jokes that took you a secondd...

A cop's sitting in his cruiser running radar when a guy drives by with a huge animal in the passenger seat. He hits the lights and pulls the guy over.
Guy: Is there a problem officer?Cop: What the hell is that?Guy: It's a hyena...Cop: What?! A hyena?! You can't have a hyena! Get the hell out of here, and take that hyena to the zoo.Guy: But..Cop: I said take it to the zoo, now before I arrest you!The guy drives off.
Couple hours later the cop is back running radar, when he sees the same car drive by, and sure enough the hyena appears to still be in the car. He hits the lights, and pulls him over, again.
Guy: Another problem officer?Cop: What the hell?! I told you to take that friggin hyena to the zoo!Guy: I did! Now we're goin to the movies...
 
Why the fuck do you still come on NS?

im just wondering cause everyone pretty much hates you

Its like your the one kid at school who everyone hates

Just go jump in front of a truck or something ? please?

for the sake of all exsistence
 
Tiger Woods hit a tree and a fire hydrant, guess he couldn't choose between a wood and iron.
Tiger likes buying expensive cars and now he has a hole-in-one.
What's the difference between a golf ball and an escalade? Tiger would can drive a golfball more than 200 yards.
Tiger Woods recently got in trouble by his wife, when at the thanksgiving table he asked if he could have another piece of white meat.
Tiger woods found out that one of the girls were saying he was great in bed, so he paid her 2 million to keep talking.
Phil Mickleson asked Tigers wife for tips on how to beat tiger.
The porn industry recently called Tiger Woods to have him sign a contract for his new show, "The Woody Wood's Pecker Show"
Tiger finished the tournament with a horrible effort of +18, they said he kept putting it into the wrong damn hole!

those are all i remember :P
and im giving some of them props to Leno and the rest to websites.
not claiming them as my own
 
so two muffins are sitting in a muffin tin getting cooked, and one muffin says to the other "Its getting kinda hot in here eh?"

The other muffin replies, "HOLY FUCK A TALKING MUFFIN!"
 
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
 
this reminds me of another joke..
A daughter asks her dad if she can borrow the car, her dad replies sure but you have to blow me first. The daughter complies, two seconds later she says dad your dick taste like shit! The dad says oh right, your brother has the car.
 
Haha this thread is outrageous. Kinda made my day.
One guy sees another guy at a bar who is showing off a miniature man playing the piano. The first guy asks the second guy how he got the little man. The second guy pulls out a bottle and says he got it from a genie who grants wishes, and no longer needs the genie. He gives it to the first guy, who is granted a wish and decides to ask for a million bucks. Seconds later, a duck flies in. Then another. Then another. Ducks keep streaming in to the bar. The man exclaims "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" He turns to the second man in anger and says there's a problem with the genie. The second man then says, "You really think I asked for a ten inch pianist?"
 
an old woman is having a hard time getting sexually aroused so she sees her doctor. he gives her some pills that make the old woman extremely horny. later she runs around the retirement home yelling "Super pussy! Super pussy!" then she goes up to two men sitting on a bench and says "Super pussy! how bout you boys?" one of them men looks at the other and says "i'll have the soup"
 
Guy walks into a bar, slaps a pile of cash down on the counter and says "A round for the house on me!"
A leggy blonde walks up to him, says "Wow, that generous of you. Are you celebrating tonight?"
Guy: Yeah today was great. I got an awesome promotion, which came with a huge pay raise, so i figured I'd come out, get drunk, and then tonight I'm getting laid!"
She says "You seem pretty confident, how can you be so sure?"
Guy: because I'm stronger than you...
 
this reminds me of something we have at school called tys joke of the week on the announcements, now this kid is a bit slow lets say but i don't mean it in any offensive way. but his jokes are fairly bad

here's some

what happened when the wheel was invented? there was a revolution

Why did the boy climb the tree with his hockey stick? So he could play with the maples leafs

a termite walks into a bar and asks "wheres the bartender"

there's a bunch of other ones i forget at the moment right now but he says another one tomorrow so i will post it in the thread
 
Along the same lines: What's the difference between a cucumber and a mountain? One's a mountain and one's a vegetable.

 
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