Jokes... It's all Jokes.. Add 'em Here!

ski@work

ski@work

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Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?

A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?

A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A. They don't have balls to scratch.

 
Q:What do you call a blond with half a brain

A:gifted

Q:What do you call a blond with 2 brain cells

A:pregnant

Q:why wash the blond running in the bathtub

A:she was useing Wash & Go
 
Hey, A Jokes a Joke. As long as we all agree it's just a joke and not an attack on anyone...

Besides, if you get too out of line the Mods'll take care of it..
 
lets see em

this joke is like the worse one ive ever heard in my life so no jews should read it...

Q:whats the diff bw a jew and a pizza

A:pizzas come outta the oven

Q: whats the diff bw a black dude and a large pizza?

A: a large pizza can feed a faimly

Q: Whatd the white guy see when he saw his tv floating in mid air late at night

A: " PUT IT DOWN NIGGER!"

Q:whadda call a mexican without a lawnmower

A: unemployed

Q:what do people and jelly beans have in common?

A; no one likes the black ones

Q: how long does it take to paint a wall with babies?

A; depends how hard you throw them

Q:how long does it take for a black woman to take a shit

A: 9 months

thats all i can think of
 
Q: What's the difference between black people and snow tires?

A: Tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

Q: Why do black people only have nightmares?

A: Because the last one that had a dream got shot.

i have a bunch that are slipping my mind, and i don't mean to offend anyone.
 
Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

i'm so telling my mom on you. ;)
 
Baby jokes

Q: Whats funnier than a dead baby on the side of the road?

A: A dead baby in a clown suit on the side of the road

Q: Whats the diffetence between a Cadillac in my garage and a bag of dead babies in my garage?

A: I dont have a Cadillac in my garage.

Racist

Q: What do you do when you see a Mexican limping through a field?

A: Stop laughing and reload
 
what happened to the jew who had an erection when he walked into a wall?...................he broke his nose
 
why did the little boy die on Brokeback mountain?

because he got anal raped so many times that he died from loss of blood! hahaha
 
There was a lady at a bar. Every time she wanted a drink she would raise her hand. She had very bad armpit hair. The Bartender was getting really grossed out and told the man sitting at the bar that next time she did that he was not going to give her a drink.

One minute later she said, ''Bartender, Bartender, get me another drink.''

The bartender said no. The man sitting there said, ''Oh give the poor ballerina another drink.''

The bartender said, ''How do you know she is a ballerina?''

The man replied, ''Well anyone that can lift there leg that high must be a ballerina!''
 
Long but funny...

This bartender watches this guy walk into his bar and then go right over to a table full of people. The guy starts talking to all the people at the table and then shakes hands with one of them. Then the guy walks over to the bartender and says.

"I bet you 50 bucks I can piss in this shot glass from across the bar."

The bartender then says, "No way man, your on."

So the guy stands across the bar and starts pissing. He pisses all over the bar and doesn't get one drop in the shot glass.

The bartender then says, "Haha, you owe me 50 bucks!"

The man replies with, "That's fine, I just bet that table over there 500 bucks I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get mad."
 
Q: Whats more fun than swinging a baby around on a string?

A: Stopping it with a shovel.

Q: Whats more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

A: Catching it with a pitchfork.

Q: Whats funnier then a pile of dead babies?

A: A pile of dead babies next to a kid wth downs syndrom.

Q: Why was the kid walking in circles?

A: His foot was nailed to the floor.

Q: Why did the little girl drop her lollipop?

A: She got hit by a truck.

Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing?

A: She had no arms.

Q: Why did the airplane crash into the mountain?

A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Q: Why did the gardener wake up screaming?

A: He had shit in his mouth.

Those are just some of my favorites...I have a ton more though
 
Q. why do women have small feet

A. to be closser to the sink

Q.what the diference between jessus and jesus picture

A. it only take won nail ton hang the picture

Q. what do you do when your dish washer doesn't work

A. kick her in the shins
 
i just heard this today, found it pretty funny.

Dad- John

Kid- Ryan

Ryan comes home from a dance, with a big smile on his face.

Dad: why are you so happy? why home so late?

Ryan: your not gonna believe it dad, i just had sex!

Dad: Good Job Son! you know what, i think i'll get you that new bike you always wanted

Ryan: Yay!

Dad: i dont get payed till next week though, so you'll have to wait

Ryan: Oh thats perfect, my ass should be fine by then!

i think i messed it up
 
Q:did you know that helen keller had a doll house?

A: neither did she

Q:why did helen kellers dog run away?

A: because it hated bieng called ughablersafreaf
 
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