Jokes... It's all Jokes.. Add 'em Here!

Q: a black guy and a indian jumped off a building, wich one hit the ground first

A: the black guy, because hes a shade heavier.

Q: A blond and a brunet jumped off a building, wich one hit the ground first?

A: the brunet, because the blond got lost
 
why did the dead baby cross the street?

cuz he was stpled to the chicken.

Why did Michael Jackson cross the street?

cuz he was fucking the dead baby.
 
George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty,

how do you run such an efficient government?

Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround

yourself with intelligent people."

Bush frowns, "But how do I know the people around me are really

intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea."Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to

answer an intelligence riddle."

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime

Minister in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty...."

The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father

have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is

it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!" "Yes!

Very good!" says the Queen.

Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney.

"Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.

It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure,"

says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one."

Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give

him an answer.

Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's

shoes in the next stall.

Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father

have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"

Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's

Colin Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his

face,

"No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
 
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in he realizes it's a gay bar.

"What the heck," he says to himself, "I really wanta drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your willy?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink!"

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy.

Mine for instance is called NIKE,for the slogan 'Just Do It.

'That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really satisfies.

'The cowboy looks dumbfounded,

so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer,

"Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a smile,

"TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies,

"'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right,

who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD because "Quality is Job One."

"Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" The guy next to him then says,

"I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!' And gives a wink!

Even more shaken,

the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is "SECRET".

Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN,

BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!!!!!
 
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies?

A: 11. One to make the dough, and another 10 to peel the M&Ms.

Q: Whats the difference between a level 4 (ski instructor) and god?

A: God isn't a level four.

Q: How do you get 10 dead babies in a bucket?

A: Blender

Q: How do you get them out (of the bucket)?

A: Straw
 
How many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb??

Three! One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the lightbulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw feces at eachother!
 
What's similar between a slinky and a parapalegic

Neither's good for much, but they're both fun to push down stairs.
 
whats the same between a duck and a motorcylce?

they both have handlebars except for the duck.

if it takes a chicken and a half a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, how long will it take a grass hopper with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

2
 
Whats Big and Yellow and eats Grass?

A school Bus. I lied about the Grass.

Whats Brown and sticky?

A stick.
 
A: the more important question is why is she out of the kitchen and who gave her shoes.

Q:why do brides wear white

A: the diswasher has to match the stove and refrigerator.

Q: how do you fix a womens watch

A: why bother there is a clock on the stove

Q; what do you say to a women with 2 black eyes

A: Nothing you already told her twice

Q: whty do women wear make up and perfume

A: cause thwere ugly and they stink
 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! this is the best fucking thread I almost just pissed myself.

Q: How did hellen Keller burn her face?

A: The phone rang and she answered the iron

Q: How did Hellen Keller Burn her face again?

A: She tried to call back.
 
Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "AWWWW Fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!"
 
"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."
 
What do a hurricane and a woman have in common?

When they come they're wet n' wild, and when they go they take your house and your car.

Why did the woman get hit by a train?

The better question is: What were the train tracks doing going through the kitchen?

What's green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels.
 
two guys are hunting and one of the guys looks with his scope into a cabin. He tells the other guy that his wife is cheating on him with another man. The guy tells him to shoot her in the head and him in the privates. The guy looking through the scope says,"Sweet I can get that in one shot"
 
Q: how did helen keller's parents punish her?

A: they put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: why did helen keller fall off the cliff?

A: she had her gloves on.

Q: whats the differance between a truck full of babies and a truck full of rocks?

A: the pitch fork goes into the babies.
 
why do white people hold a gun upright?

Because its more accurate

why do black people hold a gun sideways?

Because it looks cool

why do mexicans move the gun back and forth really fast when they're shooting it?

Because they think it makes the bullter go faster
 
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