Joke contest! whoevr can tell me the funniest Joke in a month gets a free prize

J

.Jack_S.

Member
this is legit im not kidding if you can tell me one of the funniest jokes ive ever heard though a month span of time i will give you a free purle oldschooler oakley windbreaker!!! so go ahead
 
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lick-o-lot-a-pus
ah!
-or-
what do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?
roberto
ah!
 
what did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

see you next month

what happend when the baby seal hit the club?

it died

why do medicine companys put cotton at the top of their medicine bottles?

to remind black people they picked this before they sold these.

 
a guy walks into a bar and says ouch.

i knew a blond who took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

there was this blond who sold the car for gas money

how do you kill a dumb blond in a submarine? knock on the door.
 
So a stoner walks up to his grandma and says "grandma have you seen my pills they are marked LSD?" then the grand ma says "Fuck the pills have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?"
 
why do squirles swim on their backs?

to keep their nuts dry!!

How many midgets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2, but they have to be really small midgets
 
1.) how many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
one to screw it inone to filmand one to sit in the landing
2.) there is a blond on each side of a river
one of the blondes calls out. "how do you get to the other side" then the other blonde shouts back "your already there"
3.) how do you kill a blonde?
put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool
4.) theres a black guy, a white guy, and a mexican and they both want this girl they have been checking out from across the bar. so they approuch her and she says whoever can use liver and cheese in the same sentence wins me. the black guys goes first and say "umm liver and cheese is for gs" the white guy says "i dont like liver and cheese" and the mexican says......" liver alone cheese mine"

 
best joke ever!!!!!!!!

*dont kill me

A black man walks into a bar,

the bartender says: Get the fuck out
 
There was 3 girls sitting in a bar. The first girl says "im so loose my boyfriend can get 3 fingers in me!" the second girl said "thats nothing! im so loose my boyfriend can fit his whole hand in me! the third girl said nothing and just slid down the chair.
 
  • What's funnier than a dead baby?
    A dead baby in a clown costume!
  • What's funnier than a dead baby?
    A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
  • How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
    The dog plays with it more.
  • What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
    Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples
  • How do you make a dead baby float?
    Take your foot off of it's head.
  • What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
    When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
    • What's worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
      Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
    • Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first ?
      To see the expression on it face!
    • What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
      A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
    • What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
      Sandy.
    • Why did the baby fall off the swing?
      Because it had no arms or legs.
    • What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
      Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
 
knock knock

who's there?

mike snifferpipetts

mike snifferpipetts who?

how many mike snifferpipetts do you know? it's cold out here let me in! - this one's from role models

what do you call a gay dinosaur?

mega-sore-ass
 
why are there little cottonballs in the tops of medicine bottles?

to remind black guys that they picked cotton before they sold drugs.
 
how did helen keller's parents punish her?

they put doorknobs on the wall

(so she hit her head when she pulled the knob)
 
One time i flew from NYC to Europe. After the pilot held his speech to the guests, he forgot to turn off the microphone.

He goes: "Maaaan, I could need a coffee and a blowjob!"

A stewardess ran towards the cockpit to tell the pilot that his mic is still working.

One of the passangers shouted: "Heeey, don't forget the coffee!!"
 
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

 
so hitler and mussolini are sitting at a bar and mussolini says hes going to kill 10,000 africans.

hitler: thats nothing, im going to kill 6 million jews and a clown.

mussolini: why are you going to kill a clown.

HItler: i told you no one cares about the jews
 
The White House gardener was fired last week for asking where the spade and the hoe were.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

A dead baby nailed to 10 trees.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

How many Poles does it take to put in a lightbulb?

5: one to climb the ladder, the other four to turn it.

Why did the Polish navy build their ships with glass bottoms?

To see the old Polish navy.

There's two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "I'll take the guns, you drive."
 
so a bear walks into a bar, and the bartender says "what will you have?" and the bear says.."i will have.............................a water" the bartender says "what's with the big pause'? the bear says "im a bear!"
 
What do black people and semen have in common?

-Only one in a million work.

Why are black people so fast?

-All the slow ones are in jail.

What do people and jelly beans have in common?

-Nobody likes the black ones.

 
So there is this girl in CCD and theres this really annoying kid behind her, The teacher says who is Gods son, the kid pokes the girl in the back with a stick and she yells JESUS CHRIST and the teacher says good job little girl, Then the teacher says who is the creater of all things and the kid pokes her in the back again and she yells GOD but she stops before she says damnit so the teacher doesnt get mad, and the teacher says great job! Then the teacher asks what did Eve say to adam after they had there last child, the kid pokes the girl in the back again and this time she yells IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IM GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!!!
 
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
 
Guy 1 is bit by a poisinous snake on his penis.

Guy 1 says for guy 2 to go get a doctor

Guy 2: Doctor my friend was just bit by a poisinous snake come help him.

Doctor: Im sorry but im in sugery, i cant come

Guy2: Then what should i do to save him?

Doctor: Ok you have to take a knife and slit a small whole near the bite and then suck out the poison.

guy 2 goes back to guy 1

Guy 1: What did the doctor say?

Guy 2: He says your gonna die
 
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