Joke contest! whoevr can tell me the funniest Joke in a month gets a free prize

my boss told me this one the other day, and reading those made me remember it,

how do you make a baby cry twice?

whipe the blood off your cock on its teaddy bear

fucked up, i know.
 
why dont black people like country?

every time someone says hoedown they say "what happened to my sister"!

A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time. Which made it to the ground first?

The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.



a blonde was stuck on an island and tried to swim back, she got halfway and turned back because she was tired

 
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course

became confused as to where he was. Looking around, he saw a lady

playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and

asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied: "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached the woman again with the same request.

She said: "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole."

Once again, he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished

his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting

at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The

bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said: "Let me buy you a drink in

appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales

profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"

She replied: "If I tell you, you'll laugh."

"No, I won't."

"Well, if you must know," she answered. "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said: "See I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you.

One evening a drunk walks into a bar, sits down and happens to

notice a 12-inch tall man standing a few feet away from him.

Astonished, the man asks the guy next to him: "What the hell is that?"

The guy replies: "He's a pianist!"

"No way," the drunk says, "You're pulling my leg"

So, the guy next to him picks up the 12-inch man, grabs some

books, and props the little man up to the piano. Sure enough, this

little man starts hammering out all the favorite tunes of the bars'

patrons.

"That guy is great," the drunk says. "Where did you get him"?

The man told the drunk how he had found a genie bottle out in

the alley, rubbed it until a genie appeared, and was granted one wish.

Inspired by the story, the drunk runs out the back door, finds

the bottle, and starts rubbing it. When the genie finally pops out the

drunk says: "I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden, the sky

turns black and overhead a million ducks come flying overhead crapping

all over him. Angrily, the drunk runs back inside, slams the door and

begins cursing.

"You bastard," he says. "I found that genie bottle and wished

for a million bucks and all of a sudden a million ducks appeared and

started crapping all over my new suit."

The man started laughing and wildly exclaimed: "You don't really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist do you?"

 
so a vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water from bartender. the bartender replies "I thought vampires only drank blood?" and the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bloody used tampon and replies "Im making tea"
 

THis is my favorite joke

One day a husband was making love to his wife when he sees his own 9 year old son standing in the hall way watching him. The father pulls out and tries to stop the boy from running away. The father puts on his pants and tells his wife that he is gonna go talk to the boy. He walks down the hall way and opens his sons door to find the boy fucking his grand mother, the father falls backwards in shock and the boy yells, "not so funny when its your mother is it."
 
I laugh whenever I come across this still.

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Dr. tells a white guy his wife had triplets, guy says im not surprised i got a cock like a chimney. Dr. says, you better clean it, your kids are black.
 
whats long and hard on a black man?
the first grade
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.

why arent mexicans on Star Trek?
because even in the future they wont have jobs.

 
why dont women need a drivers license.....because there are no roads between the bedroom and the kitchen

why dont women need a watch......cause there is a clock on the stove

why does mexico have such a shitty olympic team...... cause every one who could run jump and swim got across the border

how do you keep a black man out of your backyard...... hang one in the front
 
Why shouldn't you put your hand in a jar full of jelly beans?The black ones will steal your watch
Whats the difference between a black guy and a bench?One can support a family
Whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza?One can feed a family
Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?one cries when its in an oven- i know, super mean
Whats the difference between a baby jew and a baseball?One you hit with a bat, and the other ones just a baseball
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow" says the bartender "that really is something. Where'd you get it?""Africa," says the parrot
 
Whats the difference between a dead black guy on the side the road and a dead dog on the side of the road?

There's skid marks next to the dog!

LOL
 
whats the difference between a black woman, and a hockey player?

they both change pads after three periods
 
guy 1: do you like fishsticks?

guy 2: of course i like fishsticks!

guy 1: do you like fishsticks in your mouth??

guy 2: well.. yeah.

guy 1: you"re a gay fish!!
 
whats long, black, and smells like shit?

the unemployment line

Have you heard about the Gay Midget?

Yeah, he came out of the closet

DID YOU HEAR MICHAEL JACKSON GOT FOOD POISONING????

yeah it turns out he ate some twelve year old wieners

 
Tiffany: Nathan your anti semitic you hate all jews!!!

Nathan: I don't hate jews, I like orange jews, grape jews, apple jews
 
micheal jackson has announced his farewell tour dates for the UK, theres Simon aged 7, Chris aged 4 and Steve aged 6
 
baby doesnt scream when u put meat in it? rihgt? well i dont really get jokes. dont explain let me think. lol

just to make it clear. im pretty stupid when it comes to jokes...
 
So a seal walks into a club.......
or
One day, a truck driver hauling a load of bowling balls is driving down a highway, and sees a very sad looking black child on the side of the road with his bike, which has a flat tire. He decides to give the child a lift to the next town. The child gladly agrees, but is forced to sit in the back with all the bowling balls and his bike. So they begin driving towards the next town. After a while of driving, a police officer asks the truck driver to pull over. The police pulls up to his window and asks him what is in the back. He says that he is only carrying bowling balls. The police officer demands that he opens the back so he can take a look. The police officer opens the back, looks in and see the child amongst the bowling balls with his broken bike. The police officer then says "sir, those are not bowling balls, those are nigger eggs, and one of them has just hatched and stolen his first bike!"
 
What did you do wrong when your woman walks out of the kitchen to complain?

You made her chain too long.

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Mega-sore-ass.
 
thats fucked up hahahaha

(in chinese accent/bad joke) why does chineeeeese man frry upside down? cuz craaack upp
 
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