Okay here's how it's going to go.
First off, attire. You will always, and I mean always, wear a shitty old hat, preferably white, dirty, torn at the brim and edges, with some embossed letters that don't mean shit. Or a visor in the same condition. You will wear leather necklaces, all the fucking time. Leather bracelets are optional, but encouraged. You can either wear lax t-shirts or double up on Polos, with both collars popped. On warm days, you can wear lax pinnies with nothing under them. You will wear odd colored J. Crew shorts with or without animals on them--swordfishes, whales, frogs, whatever. You will wear Under Armour training sneakers with mid-length socks, leather flip-flops, or Sperry Top-Siders, no exceptions.
Your hair will go beyond your ears, and it will have the coveted lax flow, which looks like this:
If your hair does not do this naturally, do whatever you have to do to achieve it: curl it, straighten it, don't wash it for three weeks, doesn't matter.
You will be clean shaven and you will most likely have pretty bad acne. You will shower once a week and will smell like crap. The only thing you'll have to counteract that is Axe body spray. You do not use cologne.
You will almost never have a relationship, and if you do it will be with a bitch who also plays sports, is popular, goes to the same parties as you, and is a complete skank. You will be extremely territorial with her. But for the most part you will just randomly text girls stupid shit like "what did u do tonight" and then hook up with them the next time the two of you are drunk together.
Every weekend you will go to house parties and get fucking smashed off of nothing but light beer: Coors Light, Bud Light, more Bud Light, and Natty Ice. You. Drink. Nothing. Else. Comprende?
Oh let's not forget, you play lacrosse now. You can suck at it, but you have to be obsessed with it. Not necessarily with the sport, but with what equipment you have. You will talk about what equipment you have for at least two hours a day with other bros.
Your days now consist of talking about lacrosse, playing NHL '10, smoking weed, and getting food from the Wendy's Drive-Thru.
You now drive a shitty Jeep Grand Cherokee. Yes, that is your only option.
You no longer ski, because that shit's gay.
While we're on the subject, you are now a blatant racist, chauvanist, and general bigot. You now hate gays. Congrats! You will now be viciously mean to anybody who is not a white Christian male, which you, of course, are. Oh, you're not? Well, change that.
Oh, and lastly, I hate you now.