I tell outrageous lies about myself to other people on chairlifts

A good one is to yell off the chairlift: Hey uh Karen?!??? Remember me?? UCLA back in '84. Yeah that was the only time Ive ever done it on a roller coaster!!!!

one lady went along with it and was like "Good times man!!"
 
my favorite one is while your getting on a lift you act like your in the middle of a conversation and just say " So I told her "I dont car if your pregnant im still gonna beat the shit out of you""
 
I like to tell people they look like someone they completely do not.

Example:

Me: "Anyone ever tell you that you look lke fifty cent?"

Small asian kid: "No".

Me: "Well you do. I'm surprised people don't ask you for autographs. Are you filming any more videos soon. That last one was awesome. Ass shaking everywhere."

Small asian kid: "I'm not fifty cent. I am not making any videos"

Me: "Can I be in your next video?"

...on and on until they get mad or ingore me.
 
sometimes i ask my friends if they have gotten the rash taken care of yet.. or if i just got off the phone i'll be like " john, that was your mom. she said your ballet lessons have been changed from 5 to 6"
 
about the rash thing...

my favorite thing to ask really annoying girls at parties is "do you know what herpes looks like?" 9 times out of 10 they say "no" so i respond with "good!" they usually leave me alone after that.
 
The most fun part is messing with people. My favorite is I ride up with a little kid snowboarder, then m friend sits behind and is like, "Dude why did you beat that snowboarder up earlier?" and we go on like that. And whenever someone complains to me I respond, "Yeah I totally know what you mean, I mean my boyfriend never does the laundry and I get so mad and the sex complicates everything." They're usually silent. Another awesome one is bring a battery powered boombox and bring it up with you and have a dance off on the chairlift. See how many random people you can get to dance. Drunk parents are the best.
 
Last year, I washed out a motor oil bottle and filled it with water. On the lift, my friend was drinking Red Bull and was like "this stuff gives you so much energy, I love Red Bull." And I busted out the motor oil bottle and was like "no man, THIS stuff makes you absolutely crazy!!" And I started chugging water out of the bottle. The other people on the lift started freaking out and yelling at me to stop drinking motor oil. My friend and i pulled that act every lift ride all day.
 
my friends and i try to go with ski bladders and make fun of them in sarcasic ways...and talk about stuff that doesnt really exist and see if theve ever heard of it
 
they best is when you go up with some boarder or rental kid or something younger and gullable. Flip open your cell phone(if your cool enough to have one) and just start screaming stuff like:

"hello"

pause

"what do you mean?"

pause

"are you kidding me?"

pause

"i spent 5000$ on that weed"

and start screaming, it gets the kids everytime.
 
i usually just start making out intensly with my girlfriend and the other people on the chair get really uncomfortable. like the dentyne commercial. one guy flipped out one time and was like "THIS IS A PUBLIC PLACE, THERE ARE CHILDREN AROUND, SAVE THAT SHIT FOR THE BEDROOM"
 
haha yeha i use to do that all the time wiht my finreds, not lies about skiing or anythign but...liek we would liek ohh and poor grant how his dad turned gay and left his mom for grants best friend...and just crazy shit liek that, and too really touristy looking peeps we tell horror stories of how the chiar lift broke down and then blah blah, stuck for 10 hours, ....anwyas don't do it anymore, but liek 5 years ago it was hot.
 
its kind of fun to hack up a big loogie on the lift, find some little 14 year old girl, and pretend to spit on them from above, and watch their reactions.
 
THe past two weeks in whistler I told every lifty and person I rode up the lift with that Keanu Reeves was skiing up there. BY the end of the time people were all like " I heard that".
 
i was riding up with some random guy and the dude points at my ar5s and says to me, "THOSE THINGS ARE OLD SCHOOL!". i was like "yeah they are!".

its the best when people ask what my skis are for like, "Are those skis for hot dogging?". my buddy said, "yeah, hot dogging is really fun".
 
if you get an old phone with a cord put the cord in a bookbad and have someone walk around with it on then yell in it really loud about how the charlies are all around you
 
yeah dood i did the same thing to this kid that was my age but i didnt know him, making out. also some kid like raced through the line to get with someone that looked cool. so i pretended to be a slut. mad funny
 
haha its so fun to do that, theres 5 other kids on the lift and theres me and 2 other friends, were all like, "my sponsor sent me these new skis, i think just get used to them for a few runs, you know, just do a few switch 9's and cork 10's, nothing crazy today", "what are all your sponsors again?" "salomon, dynastar, look, lange, scott, level, giro, helly hansen, oakley, armada, electric, k2, and so on
 
yeah i do this on lifts and at hot tubs at the end of the day to girls with like 3 of my friends "o yeah i was in the dew tour you didn't see me on t.v?"
 
Great bump, but I am usually sort of intimidated by like the old rich people out at the multi million dollar ski house. I usually fuck around with little kids or people my age. Wow I sound like a pervert.
 
I always turn to my friend and usually kick things off with

"Yo, dude did we use the last of the KY jelly on your dad last night?"

"Yeah, I think so, why?"

"Fuck. I really wanted to give it to him HARD tonight."

It escalates pretty quick and people get really freaked out.
 
hahah my friend looked at the lifty at the bottom and smiled and said " ahhhh its a beautiful night for smoking crack.." the next time when we came back down the lifty told him to keep that stuff on the DL or something like that becuase theirs little kids around
 
I love making the other people weirded out. My friend will turn to me and say:"Brian, do you wanna kiss?""No""why not, you made out with me on the last chairlift when nobody was aroundd"
 
Freak out about 2 or 3 poles from the top of the lift, insist on lowering the bar for the last bit of the ride.
 
I once told this gaper that I could triple whirly doop, and then went on expalining it as a triple cork
 
No the best is when I find really little kids that are in like 8th grade that want to ski with me.

There was a kid no joke 4' 6 and sounded like a second grader, we pretended that we were gay on the chairlift and people flipped. One guy asked if he was my son...
 
for some reason every kid under 15 drops their pocket when im on the lift with them, im always one to let them know though...never a dick.
 
FUCK sorry for the dub post.

but the sponsored thing works. you cant say that you're pro, but if you tell em you get free shit from the company they believe you and fall right to their knees for you. works EVERY fucking time.
 
Well my mountain kinda smaller so i know a majority of the people so i always fuck with tourists. Tell them random outrageous stories
 
pretend to carry on a conversation with someone but have weird irrelevant answers to their questions than proceed to pretend to end a call on a bluetooth and ask if they were talking to you that whole time
 
im on a pretty small hill in michigan, about 300 ft. and whenever were bored on the lifts we just sing random songs... spongebob squarepants or afternooon delight are definetely classics. or we just rock back and forth and make the other chairs bounce - and then people get pissed
 
When your on the phone after you hang up, act like your still talking to that person and say "so (insert famous person) is in the lunch line and about to eat on floor 2 and is wearing a red jacket" then the person next to you starts flipping shit and goes inside to find them but they are not there
 
I never tell lies really, but alot of times you get foreign folks who aren't english speakers but expect to hear english ( if you know what i mean). At that point you rattle off all the phrases of every other language you know. It's quite entertaining.
 
me and my friend whos like 20 (im 16) always pretend that I'm deaf, and that he is my leader/helper. Like we do hand signals to each other and i like make random retard noises. Haha its so funny. Then my friend usually starts talking shit on me being like yeah hes a retard (cause i cant hear) then the people start getting all defensive and shit saying how it is a very sad disease. Hahahah always sooo funny.
 
me and my friend whos like 20 (im 16) always pretend that I'm deaf, and that he is my leader/helper. Like we do hand signals to each other and i like make random retard noises. Haha its so funny. Then my friend usually starts talking shit on me being like yeah hes a retard (cause i cant hear) then the people start getting all defensive and shit saying how it is a very sad disease. Hahahah always sooo funny.
 
once a young gaper kid slammed the bar down on me and friends hand. we freaked out really hard at first, and then acted like we were gunna kill him the rest of the chair. he hopped off super fast and straightlined (pizzad) down the hill and went home. quite funny
 
going up the lift with some girl, we didnt say anything other then hello most of the ride, half way up i turned and looked at her and said "i think we should kiss, just to brake the tension", she got good laugh out of that
 
AWESOME bump.

my favorite is to point and scream "HEY!! YOU!!" off the lift at people skiing by, then when they look up like wave them off and yell "NOT YOOUU"
 
sometimes my bud and i start yelling at each other leaving the others riding up with us feeling really awkward. on occasion we would fake fight when we got off the chairlift and there like WTF?
 
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