I tell outrageous lies about myself to other people on chairlifts

once told these aussies that there were snow snakes and the comoflage with the snow and they grab onto ur ski when ur going down the hill and sneak up ur pants and bite u and then you leg turns red and u die ...they beileived me

can't speel
 
i want too

iv sung songs like "wouldnt it be nice" by the beach boys nearly the whole way up, even tho i dont know half the words
 
at camp last year, every ride up in the gondola had new japanses tourists and so my friends and i would tell stories about how last year a guy got mauled and kinda act it out cause we knew they were listening and could sort of understand and then we would look at them and they would have the funniest scared faces. and once my friend was like "holy shit! thats the biggest bear i have seen ever" and was pointing out the window so all the tourists ran over to that side w/ their cameras and i was like "you gotta be careful thought its got cubs and they are even more angry when they have cubs" i am pretty sure most of the tourists on that ride rode it right back down.
 
i don't remember who posted this, but i saw it in another forum on this site. some kid was talking about how he convinced a little kid that moguls are little monsters adn the only reason you have polls is to fight them off
 
if thats true, that is fucking awsome.

i like just getting into convo's with people. but i will stand infront of a jump with a freind and a bunch of random people. and be like, so hey, what do you think, cork 9? and he would be like naw, switch 5.
 
my friend. who is super fucked up by the way but is funny as hell. rode up wit some kids and convinced them that it was national frog day. and that he was part frog. he proceded in sticking out his tounge and croaking. i was on the chair behind laughing so hard i almost fell off.
 
this one time i had to go up with some annoying ass german people, and they were asking me questions in broken english, so i said "i... dont speak english" in my best french accent and then they started talking to me in french! it was pretty awkward, so then i pretended that i spoke some really forign language they never heard of and they looked at each other funny. i was silent for the rest of the ride up.
 
I do that but the opposite. "So uh..what do you think, like...switch 180 with a late japan?" "Yeah bro, that'd be sick" then people start laughing like we suck. And then I throw like a rodeo 7 or a cork 9.
 
We ussually call out random names to the people in front of us on the lift. then when we get it right, they turn around and we cover our facess. then we proceed to call out their names and cover our faces, on and on and on
 
"So i was fucking this guy in the ass, right? just rammin the fuck out of him...and he reaches around and grabs my balls, and i'm like, Holy shit! this guy is REALLY gay!....thats how i got hepatitis for the third time."

be sure to say this in a loud voice, guarantee priceless reactions
 
I can totally imagine myself doing that. Haha, fucking priceless. One time this dude from North Dakota asked me how moguls were formed and I told him that we had a state of the art mogul machine.
 
I don't deny there are bad things in the US right now, hell, 51% of the country to be exact. But god damnit, our country being fat is NOT a problem. I do't give a shit how fat people are. hell, fat kids are harder to kidnap, that means our country is safer.

-Melvs

thats quality!!
 
this guy I know was looking at one of those massive piste maps on a skiing holiday in france when this Geordie guy came up to him and said 'aint it a bastard when you loose your friends'. My mate looked at him and said with a completely straight face 'sorry mate im english'and walked off. the guy looked right confused! Was quality!
 
when I am going up the lift or gondola with my buddies and we have strangers on the lift with us, we start off by asking the dude how the snow is whats up where hes from. then I give a quick minute of silence before asking my buddy(s) how they are doing and then ask the question. "Last night was fucked up hey..." we then add onto that with remarks like "god I hope shes okay. we really pounded her hard last night". or on a really cold day I ask my buddy if hes checkedon his daughter. he then goes on to say, "Shes fine, I put an extra blanket over her and left her seatbelt on." people think hes left his baby in the car in like -30. lots of bad looks for conversations like these.
 
yeah, haha or when you say, you dropped your pocket, and they actually touch to see if their pocket is still there
 
if im in a lift with more than one person, and only one person i know, i have a conversation with them describing something that sounds really really nasty, but then explain it as something not bad at all, example:

yeah, last night, me and nancy were having the hardest time packing my meat into her fajita (say like vagina) so i took some of the juice from my meat, and drizzled it all over her thing, and finally we got it to fit. thats how we make a damn good fajita (say like fa-hita)
 
me and my friends went on a "you dropped your pocket"spree a month ago, i got one lady so good, she was all like what huh?!

but this chairlift lies thing sounds fun...im gonna have to try it out!
 
told some snooty posh people that i have bad diareahha (gud spelin) and they actually acted scared, i had to fart a lot to make it convincing
 
i work a lift and during Hell Week (between Christmas and New Years) i would always say "here ya go, meow." when i handed people the chair. think Super Troopers. one night i said it 126 times before anyone picked up on what was going on.

i've told people about "secret cliffs" and shit like that all the time. and when i can tell someone's not a local, i make it common practice to send them away from the good snow with promises of epic conditions.
 
i told a kid i was god..if that counts...

i think he believed me.....

oh also i was like ".", he had no clue wat i was talking about.
 
a friend and i always talk about the wiild girl we hooked up with last night, how they asked if they could hand cuff me to the bed or use a whip. go into great detail about the whole experience, the other people on the chair will usually just be dead silent.
 
I love making up fake trails...Talking a fake run up....then the person next to us will ask where it is...and you reply with a fake chairlift that will get them their......Or when i'am on with little kids I like to mention that the mountain just sold the Halfpipe mold to a differnt mountain and it sucks that we arent going to have a halfpipe anymore.
 
i like to ask them how to do things and tell them i suck and am scared to do anything but the bunny hills. They continue to talk themselves up and try to teach me how and tell me it is easy. When we get off of the lift i go on the same run as them and fly past them, sometimes switch
 
when my brother and i are riding down the lift at high north in the summer, we say really loud so all the oriental people can hear, " I CANT BELIEVE THAT GUY JUST STOOD THERE WHILE THAT BEAR JUST RIPPED HIM A PART" " I KNOW THAT WAS AWFUL". their expressions are priceless
 
if you need to lie on the chairlift about ur skiing abilities then you should take up lawn bowling the truths i tell on the chairlift freak people out enough
 
Its so funny to ask random people random questions on the lift. My friend Donney asked this asian dude if he could do rails and he said no but then he waited like two minutes then asked him if he could three and the guy said yes so I was like thats pretty sick then I asked him if he had steeze and he said what is that? I told him it was style and he said I got style like jackie chan i couldnt stop laughing i couldnt believe he said that lol It was funny at the time
 
Telling awesome lies abuot how you quit school to work with your film/sponsors in Europe and things like that....or just act super weird....
 
i have a one piece and i take an orange out of my pocket and toss it around my crouch, but i am wearing sweat pants so its nothing bad. then i start loke feeling around my crouch area and the ppl get FREAKED. then i am like "A fuck where is it i cant find it dude. Fuck. its so dark down there i can see a thing. then i finally grab the orange and pull it out and the ppl get all relieved.
 
so using that tomorrow.. thats fucking gold.

if ppl are pissing me off by asking me my life fucking story, i just say i'm a croc wrestler from queensland (north australia) and that steve irwin is a fucking sissy. usually works too. you just tell them bullshit facts bout crocodiles.
 
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