Dark humor jokes

Cyabski

Cyabski

Member
So dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it. But for those of you that do, post your favorite dark humor jokes.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?.......A rip off
 
Dane Cook kills harder than a Dark Knight movie premiere in Aurora.

Get it? Its dark because Dane Cook fucking sucks.
 
So a horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "What can I get you?"

Horse says "My alcohol addiction is destroying my family"

Get it? Because a horse doesn't have thumbs.
 
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
 
This is terrible so please don't be offended

What do you call a stoned kid with down syndrome

A baked potato
 
13511385:Dadcore said:
This is terrible so please don't be offended

What do you call a stoned kid with down syndrome

A baked potato
Click to expand...

HAHA lol dont get offended tho

What do you call a flying jew?

smoke

what runs faster than a black man with your tv?

his brother with your computer

What is the difference between a jew and a pizza?

a pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

Whats the difference between a park bench and mexican guy?

A bench can support a family of 4

What happens when a jew runs into a wall with a boner?

He breaks his nose

maxresdefault.jpg
 
What's the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies?

I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline

What do a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of pumpkins have in common?

I unload both with a pitchfork.

How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?

Depends on how thin you slice them.
 
13511667:_Fluffy_ said:
What's the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies?

I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline

What do a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of pumpkins have in common?

I unload both with a pitchfork.

How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?

Depends on how thin you slice them.
Click to expand...

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

I don't fuck a watermelon before I eat it.
 
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?

The black Jew sits in the back of the oven

Why do German showers have eleven holes?

Because Jews have ten fingers

I'm a bad person
 
How does a black lady know when she's pregnant?

She takes out her tampon and the cotton's already picked.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.
 
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
 
13511738:Dadcore said:
How many jews fit in a smart car?

Four in the seats and 1000 in the ashtray
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Its 6,000,000 in the ash tray you douchenozzle.

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn’t serious — nobody saw me.

I once went on a date with a girl where we went hiking… and she gets bit by a snake in between her toes, and I had to suck out the poison… so she’s dead.

I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that fucking thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting — they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch “Schindler’s List.” And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can’t believe it only happened once.

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person — so I can get a better girlfriend.

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. Buy my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

You don’t know anything about pain until you’ve seen your own baby drowned in a tub… and you definitely don’t know anything about how to wash a baby.
 
13511747:Granite_State said:
Its 6,000,000 in the ash tray you douchenozzle.

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn’t serious — nobody saw me.

I once went on a date with a girl where we went hiking… and she gets bit by a snake in between her toes, and I had to suck out the poison… so she’s dead.

I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that fucking thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting — they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch “Schindler’s List.” And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can’t believe it only happened once.

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person — so I can get a better girlfriend.

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. Buy my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

You don’t know anything about pain until you’ve seen your own baby drowned in a tub… and you definitely don’t know anything about how to wash a baby.
Click to expand...

I feel like this would be hilarious live. No offense vut not so much in text
 
whats the difference between jews and pizza?

pizza doesnt scream going into the oven

what do you call 3 niggers hanging in a barn?

used farm equipment

what do an apple and a nigger have in common?

they both look nice hanging from a tree

sorry for the hard Rs
 
13512082:UncleJoe said:
whats the difference between jews and pizza?

pizza doesnt scream going into the oven

what do you call 3 niggers hanging in a barn?

used farm equipment

what do an apple and a nigger have in common?

they both look nice hanging from a tree

sorry for the hard Rs
Click to expand...

Enjoy your ban
 
how do you kill have the worlds jews?

throw a penny off the cliff

how do you kill the other half?

tell them its still down there
 
At age 5: I can't wait to be a teenager! It's gonna be so much fun!

At age 15: I can't wait till I'm in my twenties! It's gonna be so much fun!

At age 25: I can't wait for the sweet, sweet embrace of death
 
I like racist jokes like i like black people

I dont like black people

whats the difference between a bench and a Mexican

one can support a family
 
13513421:.otto. said:
I like racist jokes like i like black people

I dont like black people

whats the difference between a bench and a Mexican

one can support a family
Click to expand...

I'm not rascist because rascism is a crime and crime is for black people
 
whats the best part about having sex with an infant?

no matter what orifice you put it in you're deepthroating ;)
 
I have so many here we go.

How do you get a Jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve

How do you pick up a Jewish chick? Take a dust pan to Auschwitz.

Why did Princess Dianne cross the street? Because she wasn't wearing her seat belt.

How do you make a little girl cry twice? Slap her teddy bear with your bloody dick.

What's worse than a pile of dead babies? The one at the bottom trying to eat it's way out.

How do you get two babies into a bowl? Blender. How do you get them out? Doritos.

Three Asians walk into a bar. The bartender says, why the same face?

I have more but I should leave it at that. Have a good day.
 
A black man and a feather are dropped from a tree at the same time. Which one hits the ground first?

The feather. The rope stops the black guy.
 
this one is really bad especially in the freeskiing community

whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

the wheelchair
 
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