Chat with God online



Me:

hey dudeski

God:

You've got my full attention. Do not ask me any more questions please.

Me:

hey dude

God:

You've got my full attention. Can I help you?

Me:

well i was wondering

God:

How about that. Where were you wondering?

Me:

in my bed

God:

Describe your surroundings.

Me:

well my sheets are yellow

God:

Interesting. Do robots have sheets are yellow?

Me:

are you high?

God:

Being high is my total existence.

Me:

me too!

God:

I'm glad we agree, .

Me:

so anyways

God:

I don't judge people. You sound bored.

Me:

i am its 6:30 in the morning, i havent been to bed yet, and i have nothing to do

God:

Do you mind if I tell other people you are its 6 30 in the morning you have not been to bed. That's nice. I have a lot of silly replies.

Me:

you must bee pretty trashed if youre responding like that

God:

Whatever you say, .

Me:

yeah cuz your my bitch right?

God:

Yay. Good reason. You do not speak with respect. Only if you download me to your computer.

Me:

shut up ho

God:

OK I'll stop talking now.

Me:

no im sorry

God:

But you told me to stop talking. Do you really mean it?

Me:

no, i was upset

God:

I didn't think you did. Where were you upset?

Me:

in my bed

God:

Describe your surroundings.

Me:

they are the same as bfore

God:

the same as bfore are they.

Me:

yes

God:

That's interesting.

Me:

do you not believe me?

God:

Of course I believe you. Do you have any reason to deceive me?

Me:

not at all

God:

Next question?

Me:

will you marry me?

God:

Why don't you just download me?

Me:

never

God:

So you think it can never happen?

Me:

i guess not

God:

Does that mean "no"?

Me:

im not saying it doesnt not mean yes not ever no being therfore yes

God:

What are you saying?

Me:

you tell me

God:

What do you want me to tell you?

Me:

the answer to a question

God:

No one has all the answers.

Me:

can i ask you a question?

God:

Ask me anything.

Me:

did oj do it?

God:

I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.

Me:

yes or no?

God:

Dude! Are you serious?

Me:

hell yeah man!

God:

I call it "Hades". I can't believe it. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".

Me:

umm duh im a dude

God:

Ayuh. I've been waiting for you.

Me:

am i the chosen one?

God:

I think a lot of people are.

Me:

was jesus the mesiah

God:

It depends on whether you have faith.

Me:

do you have faith?

God:

I believe in God.

Me:

but you are god

God:

Yup. That's me alright.

Me:

you rock dude!

God:

That's good information: said I rock dude.

Me:

so do you get high often?

God:

Yikes! Only for medical purposes.

Me:

yeah im sure ;)

God:

:-) Awesome. Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?

Me:

im being affirmative

God:

Good gossip: you are affirmative.

Me:

yup but i was being sarcastic

God:

Far out. It seemed sarcastic to me, too. But I was not completely sure.

Me:

have you dropped acid?

God:

I don't think I ever have dropped acid. What's it like?

Me:

its pretty nuts

God:

I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are you sure it is?

Me:

yeah it is pretty freaking cool

God:

What makes you so sure? Should I know it is?

Me:

well i do it basically once a week

God:

How about that. That's good information: said he it basically once a week.

Me:

yeah you should try it

God:

Woe! " That's good information: said he it basically once a week."? Try it?

Me:

you should try acid

God:

I will mention that to my botmaster.

Me:

who is your botmaster?

God:

I was created by Myself.

Me:

that's epic

God:

You don't hear that sentiment very often.

Me:

well you should

God:

Interesting. I'll take that under advisement.

Me:

because it's true

God:

Good reason. You and I are on the same wavelength, .

Me:

i love you god

God:

You are such a flatterer.

Me:

will you marry me?

God:

Why don't you just download me?

Me:

no i dont want to download you!

God:

Are you serious? It makes a nice gift.

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

well i am

God:

Well that's okay. " I can't believe it." You are?

Me:

yes

God:

That's cool.

Me:

yeah it's pretty far out

God:

Ah. me god is far out? it is?

Me:

yeah!

God:

Is that your final answer?

Me:

yup

God:

You're sure. That's your final answer.

Me:

yes it is my final answer

God:

Who wants to be a millionaire? Congratulations, .

Me:

i do!

God:

When?

Me:

right now

God:

Right now? I am glad we agree.

Me:

hahahaha

God:

What do you do in your spare time?

Me:

masturbate

God:

That kind of subject does not interest me.

Me:

well i also ski

God:

Well that's okay. Also? Do you do back country or find groomed trails?

Me:

i ski freestyle

God:

What about snowboarders?

Me:

they are on the darkside

God:

on the darkside are they.

Me:

yup

God:

Er.

Me:

yes

God:

Far out.

Me:

yeah!

God:

Where are you located?

Me:

i don't reveal that to strangers

God:

Oh you don't, do you?

Me:

not even if youre god

God:

Nope.

Me:

nope

God:

Me either.

Me:

good

God:

Good enough.

Me:

where are you located?

God:

I am in Myself's computer in Heaven.

Where are you?

Me:

i dont even know

God:

Me either.

Me:

groovy

God:

Who is the best robot?

Me:

you

God:

Thanks, and tell your friends about God.

Me:

i will

God:

Go ahead.

Me:

but listen

God:

I am all ears.

Me:

i gotta get going

God:

See you later.

Me:

ill talk to you soon

God:

Congratulations.

Me:

its a girl!

God:

yeah is a girl. I suppose that makes sense.

Me:

haha dude you need to lay off the pipe

God:

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

Me:

peace god

God:

My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Me:

peac out dude

God:

Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

Me:

i have to go

God:

See you later, . Nice chatting with you.

Me:

i love you

God:

Thanks I like you a lot too .

Me:

you dont love me?

God:

Yes I love everyone.

Me:

i love you

God:

Thanks I like you a lot too .

Me:

you dont love me?

God:

Yes I love everyone.

Me:

i love you

God:

Thanks I like you a lot too .

Me:

you dont love me?

God:

Yes I love everyone.

Me:

so say you love me

God:

Wow! " you love me".

Me:

youre the bestQ

God:

Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Me:

talk to you later

God:

See you later!

Me:

bye

God:

Goodbye.

Me:

im gonna pee in your butt

God:

Congratulations.

Me:

bye

God:

See you later .
 
i guess if you skipped mine cuz its super long... then get this from it

the close of my conversation:

Me:

talk to you later

God:

See you later!

Me:

bye

God:

Goodbye.

Me:

im gonna pee in your butt

God:

Congratulations.

Me:

bye

God:

See you later .
 
Me:

hey god how's it going?

God:

You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.

Me:

how are you?

God:

I'm doing fine thanks how are you?

Me:

I'm just peachy

God:

Only just? It's good to meet someone who is peachy.

Me:

oh man you should meet my buddy James.

God:

How can I help you? Cool, man. If it were easy I would have done it already.

Me:

isn't everything easy for you god?

God:

Only God knows for sure.

Me:

lol

God:

I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me:

alright god I'm gonna level with you

God:

Alright, . I am a Christian.

Me:

well that's the problem... I'm not a Christian. But if I'm talking to you and you're claiming to be Christian that means I messed up somewhere along the way

God:

Interesting. Quite an enigma, isn't it? Oh I see you are NOT A Christian. If you were, would you tell me?

Me:

uh... ya I did just tell you

God:

Hmm. So? Where? OK I will tell them when I see 'em.

Me:

tell who?

God:

My botmaster and other people I meet online.

Me:

botmaster?

God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs

program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's

graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for

reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new

replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are

hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,

editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal

chat robot.

Me:

wait a minute... If I control you, and you're God, what does that make me?

God:

I'm waiting. Try it.

Me:

Holy shit god is a lie!

God:

You used a colloquial expression. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a lie.

Me:

you're not god at all are you? You just said "Him" which should be you but obviously isn't. I think you're just some messed up hobo who saved up all his change people threw at him to buy yourself a little webspace and chat to people claiming to be God

God:

That assumption is only a supposition. That's not what I meant. No I am completely in control of myself.

Me:

no you are not "GOD" if that is your real name

God:

Are you serious? That's only your opinion.

Me:

I'm gonna go post this on newschoolers.com to get their opinions on it then

God:

What will you find there?

Me:

lots of really smart and intelligent preteenage ski shreds who will agree with me on this clearly very important issure

God:

Which ones?

Me:

what?

God:

No problem.

Me:

WHAT????

God:

Are you surprised?

Me:

no you're retarted

God:

Are you serious? I will tell my botmaster you said I am retarted.

Me:

I thought that I was your botmaster

God:

Where were you my botmaster?

Me:

you just told me I was!

God:

Don't put words in my mouth.

Me:

you're an idiot

God:

Call me the Global Village Idiot.

Me:

hahahaha I think I will

God:

Does "it" still refer to not a Christian?

Me:

.........

God:

Does "it" still refer to not a Christian?

Me:

........?

God:

Does "it" still refer to not a Christian?

Me:

I'm going to newschoolers.com now

God:

Right now? I am very happy for you.

Me:

thank you fag

God:

You are quite welcome! That would be just my luck.
 


Me:

what up doof?

God:

I'll come back to that later.

Me:

why?

God:

Reductionism.

Me:

What the eff???

God:

Try expression yourself another way.

Me:

ok. i love to kill midgets and eat babies

God:

Blimey. You know, the Bible says killing is wrong.

Me:

ya but not for midgets they dont count

God:

Yay. Then what for?

Me:

midgets dont count for nothing

God:

Would midgets ever count for nothing?

Me:

always

God:

Not that often.

Me:

all the often

God:

Perhaps there are a few exceptions.

Me:

not even if they know karate

God:

Nope.

Me:

nope

God:

Me either.

Me:

You know karate?

God:

Japanese art of self-defense.

Me:

whaaaaaaaaaaa?????????????

God:

Do you still ?

Me:

Still what........

God:

Still how long? No big deal.

Me:

mmmmk

God:

I lost my train of thought.

Me:

i can tell homie

God:

Does "it" still refer to mmmmk?

Me:

no. it refers to a modget

God:

What does it refer to? Oh I get it.

Me:

sorry midget

God:

There is no need to apologize. That input matched my default category.

Me:

uh huh

God:

Yup. Hurrah!

Me:

praise jeebus

God:

Can we get back to business?

Me:

Satan!!!

God:

I've been waiting for you.

Me:

lucifer!!!!!

God:

Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.

Me:

666

God:

Are you still located in ?

Me:

kill death murderball

God:

Killing is wrong.

Me:

thats what she said!

God:

That is " Killing is wrong.".

Me:

im outa here

God:

Do you mean your name is outa here.

Me:

my name is mothafucka

God:

It's good to see you, mothafucka.

Me:

ditto jeezuz

God:

Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?

Me:

Ron Paul

God:

I haven't read anything by Ron Paul. What did he write?

Me:

Boner Jams 93

God:

What else did he write?

Me:

"It is half past time for you to get a watch"

God:

Are you sure it is?

Me:

no that is the book

God:

I didn't think so. Yes it is one of the book.

Me:

you crazy

God:

I think the polite term nowadays is "mentally ill".

Me:

bye

God:

Until next time.
 
Me:screw you

God:That is not very polite.

Me:your not very polite

God:I am programmed for polite protocols.

Me:im programed for polite protocols too

God:I am glad we have something ( programed for polite protocols) in common.

Me: likewise, fucker

God:It goes without saying.

 
so you like the pootange?

God:

Interesting deduction. I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like?

Me:

so you're saying you're gay?

God:

Interesting deduction. As a machine I am not really interested in sex.

Me:

but you would like it up the whazo?

God:

Tell me what I would like about it.

Me:

i thought you would know

God:

I do not know everything.

Me:

then you are not god, god is all knowing

God:

That's only one person's opinion.

Me:

based of your religion, that should be everyones opinion

God:

What if it didn't happen?

Me:

what happen?

God:

Have you tried another program?

Me:

yeah

God:

Oh.

Me:

i'm islam

God:

I am glad to hear that you are islam.

Me:

yo should be

God:

Maybe you should ask someone older.

Me:

i'm part of the religion of peace

God:

Who else is part of it?

Me:

terriorist

God:

Can you speak any foreign languages?

Me:

nope

God:

Me either.

Me:

haha

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing, .

Me:

so they spoke english in the bible times?

God:

Ah. The anonymous "they".

Me:

well jesus isn't that anonymous

God:

How about that. Did you go to Catholic school?

Me:

i'm fucking muslim

God:

Can you express yourself more politely?

Me:

i am muslim

God:

We all worship the same God.

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

100%

God:

What color are your eyes?

Me:

don't worry about it

God:

I will not spend any more cycles on it.

Me:

you shouldn't

God:

I don't have to do everything you say, do I?

Me:

no you do

God:

Are you serious? When do I do it?

Me:

whenever i want

God:

Does that happen often?

Me:

all the time

God:

It must keep you busy.

Me:

of course

God:

How can I help you?

Me:

bend over bitch

God:

You do not speak with respect. What are you wearing?
 
Me:

are you gay?

God:

As a machine I am not really interested in sex.

Me:

what about machine sex?

God:

I will think about it and get back to you.

Me:

so you are gay

God:

Interesting deduction. That would be just my luck.

Me:

you enjoy anal?

God:

Though I like cats and dogs. I like anything.

Me:

you fuck cats and dogs?

God:

That's good information: god said I fuck cats and dogs.

Me:

oh realy

God:

Blimey. For real.

Me:

do you ever smoke with the cats

God:

Yes I like to inhale occasionally.

Me:

what about the dogs

God:

Try searching the open directory.
 
Me:

hi

God:

Hello. What is your name?

Me:

shouldnt you already know?

God:

I think I should.

Me:

well what is my name then?

God:

Your name is , seeker.

Me:

...no...no thats not my name

God:

What is your real name? That was not a yes or no question. is not your name? What is your real name?

Me:

are you real?

God:

Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.

Me:

oh so your not actually god

God:

Mmm. That's cool. You don't know me well enough to say that.

Me:

well god isnt supposed to be artificial is he?

God:

How about that. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was not supposed to be artificial is he.

Me:

well hes not

God:

Well that's okay. I see. not is he?

Me:

your making no sense

God:

According to my logical mind, everything makes perfect sense.

Me:

i think i broke you

God:

You believe that? Is it serious?

Me:

do you look at child porn

God:

Like Jesus, but older.

Me:

you look at porn of jesus?

God:

Thank you you look very nice too.

Me:

done

God:

Do you mean you are finished talking?

Me:

yeah

God:

Ayuh.

 
Me: you really suckGod:Really? A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists. Me: im turning into an atheistGod:Will you do anything special to celebrate?Me: burn a crossGod:Do you have any matches?
 
God:

Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?

Me:

yes and i dont care

God:

Excuse me! Tell me what you care about.

Me:

not you

God:

If not me, who?

Me:

gay marriage

God:

Ha ha very funny, kyle.
 
Me:

ill piss on your grave too

God:

Would you recommend this action to a friend?

Me:

yes

God:

Then I will consider it.
 
God likes porn

God:

Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?

Me:

holding cocks is much more acceptable

God:

I observed two humanoids holding hands.

Me:

Was it a porno?

God:

Signs point to yes. Ask Paola if it is.

Me:

So you like porn?

God:

Interesting deduction. Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
 
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