A Modest Proposal for all you NSers(that are american)...

ATLskier

ATLskier

Active member
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens.

We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain.

You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot.

Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete and hang on. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall.

law student and an American

P.S. Also, we'll throw in Barbra Streisand and Jane Fonda.

 
it says it was written by some law student. i couldn't come up with that. its more fun than a in your face we are right--you are wrong. at least thats how i see it.
 
satire: a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

also although its not definitely not this clear, Lincoln was a republican, so as twisted as it seems YOU seceded. (btw, for those still ignorant of satire, this here is an example, I am ridiculing your statement that the thread creator seceded, because obviously he doesn't support slavery and it is just as stupid for me to say you do.)
 
i have to laugh at how "american" so many conservatives think they are. you're no more patriotic then a fucking bumper sticker.
 
You can also keep your Apathy, your Intolerance, your Ignorance, your Racism, your Genocide, your War crimes, Your War, your Genocide in the name of Christ, and your Slavery. You can also keep your Economic Collapse, your destroyed Climate, your poor Business Ethics, practices, and treatments of empoloyees. You get Bill O'Reilly. We get John Stewart, Keith Olbermann, and Stephen Colbert - people who have built their entire careers on your side's fuckups. You can deal without any lower class to be your janitors or social workers. You will have no carpenters, no coffee makers, and no low to mid-level employees to fuel your greed. You will retain 75% of the country's wealth, but only a few will have it.

Have fun without the gays, blacks, hispanics, half of the asians, and the majority of white people. I wonder how your world will work with no lower or middle class?

And keep your Bible. The Qu'ran is a work of art compared to your fucked up Ameri-fied perversion of the beauty that USED to be the Bible.
 
i have a question to canadians

so you guys have free health care right. my friend tryed telling me that in canada if you get hurt it can take up to 6 months for surgery. even for a broken arm. please tell me he is wrong
 
I like the red state blue state one better.
you guys are a bunch of sore losers, btw. obama wins with a mandate and proceeds to make more of a bipartisan effort than anyone in his position reasonably should, in my opinion.
and mccain says "if this is bipartisanship, the country is doomed." that is the republican strategy for the next 4 years. just say everything obama does sucks. anyone with half a brain knows mccain couldn't possibly believe this; if obama wanted republicans to get their way, he would have run as a republican. bush claimed a nonexistent mandate in 04, and proceeded to continue his trainwreck of a presidency. you don't run for and win the presidency just to compromise with the minority.
also, if we're really going to get into this, maybe we should just create 2 alternate dimensions. one where gore won in 2000 and one where bush won. you guys could have the bush world.
 
ill go here.

when there is something that everyone wants, and it is now "free" which is impossible BTW.

then something or SOMEONE must be the final authority on who gets the product (healthcare) and i for one dont want a government flow chart to be the deciding factor between receiving prompt healthcare or not getting prompt healthcare.

you want the same government that has fucked up so many things to be running or at the least paying for your healthcare?
 
I almost got riled up about this. Then I realized the original modest proposal was about eating babies, and chilled out.

satiree
 
P.S.

This has been tried before.

P.P.S

It didnt work.

P.P.P.S

We already are divided land-wise, its called the North and South.
 
americas health care is only good if your rich. if your poor and dont get it threw a job than you are fucked. my uncle had a hernia(sp) and couldnt get surgery for 3 years because he couldnt afford it. its fucked up.
 
Conservative americans are just as bad as the indian killing, black enslaving ancestors that fucked up millions of lives hundreds of years ago. This post is completely biased and fails to look at the bigger picture and is put up for the sole purpose of putting down other ideals and shows how much of an idiot you and the author really are.

 
its not that bad, i tore some ligaments in my arm in the summer, i waited 45 min, i got some x rays to see if the bone was fine, and that was it i didnt have to pay 2000 dollars like you do in the states, i didnt have to wait ten hours like you think we do, and i didnt get substandard care like you think we do. same story with my friend, broke his arm and had to wait less then a day for surgery. but then again i guess it depends where in the country you are.
 
holy shit, im gonna qoute this,, that just hit the spot

And i understand that this is supposed to be funny. But america is about protesting and arguing and coming up with a common plan even though that doesnt always happen.

Just watch that south park episode were the town splits up into pro war and anti war. It explains everything
 
fuck you.

was i trying to be original? NO!

I DIDNT WRITE THIS! how hard is it to read the bottom and see there is an author that is clearly not me, or a post a few psots up to see I already stated this. I am not trying to be original. I got this in an email, thought it was funny/relevant and wanted to share. stop being a douche
 
Clearly the people who are getting riled up over this are the same kind of people who took Jonathan Swift's proposal seriously. I strongly suggest that you chill out and read it because it is one of the greatest forms of satire that I have ever read.

To the OP- thanks for sharing, I got a chuckle out of this.
 
Then the republicans can get the south

We get california, washington, oregon, florida, hawaii, new york, vermont, maine, and Virginia.

what now? haha
 
HAHA i wonder how bad of a "sore loser" you were for the past 8 years.

OH im sorry thats different because Bush was "evil" and Obama is "the savior"
 
Here is the 2008 election broken down by county. A lil more red then most of you would expect...

2008_election_map-counties.jpg
 
You guys can also keep de-regulation, it worked really well with the banks lol... I guess you can keep the huge national debt too since its a pretty direct result of that and war spending. You kinda fail to touch on the most pressing issue which is the fucked up economy, but since your concerned about the size of your SUVs and Oprah's fatass I guess its just not a big deal.

deal?

 
that wasn't even funny. i just wasted 2 minutes of my life reading that. i should have known to expect stupid partisan bullshit from ATLskier

 
but this doesnt take into account population density

it doesnt really matter how many districts in north dakota with 10 ppl in them you win...
 
um. things arent black in white.

or red and blue in this case.

1. you're retarded for assuming so

2. nobody agrees completely with one side or the other.

3. there are more than 2 political parties. America is just too stupid for any other ones to gain a reputable following.
 
nicely said.

to the guy who wrote the orignal post, buddy that was so well written. It saddens me that someone who clearly exhibits evidence of having a full and functioning brain would seek so flagrently to propogate the same level of oversimplified partisan bullshit that has ruined the last 8 years (hell, the last 50 years in a sense).

If you truly believe that the beleifs of the people of your country fall into only one of two distinct arms of sociopolitical thought, i am only sad that you so horribly underestimate the inteligence, judgement and diversity of your countrymen and women.

I am an Australian living in Canada, and contrary to perhaps the popular tide of public opinion, i neither hate nor disrespect americans, even those whos ideology strays so clearly and definitively from my own (health care is a luxury? - im gunna head waaay out on a limb and guess that it was a luxury you always had when you needed it hey buddy. Am i wrong?).

But sadly between MSNBC and Fox news, youve taken the bait and ended up sounding as foolish as olbermann or oreilly, neither of whom represent the wide spectrum of american political thought.

What a waste of a what coud have been an agile brain.

 
Well in 2000, I was kinda disappointed, but I was also in 7th grade, so I was more concerned with nintendo.
By 2004 I knew bush was going to go down as the shittiest president ever, and I was really just sad that bush won again. Not really a sore loser, just sad.
I'd say republicans are much bigger sore losers this time around. your side fucked up our country indisputably and horrendously, and you won't shut your whiny little mouths about how obama is ruining our country when he's been in office for one month, and this much of the situation we are in now is your party's fault. maybe obama will do a terrible job, I can't tell the future, but don't you think it's a little premature to whine?
I didn't begin to criticize bush until 2003...hmm, so I gave him about 3/4 of his presidency. lets recap that: I didn't start to openly criticize bush until the last quarter of his first term. republicans can't let even a month go by. granted, a lot more is going on now than in 2000, but I think it's a little melodramatic/FUCKING RETARDED to say american is going to go down in flames after one month.
lastly, what did you expect to happen after bush? obviously mccain wasn't going to win.
 
absolutely not. he fucked up this country incredibly. but he is by no means the worst president ever. not my a long shot
 
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