7 Step Program to Ruin Your Life
First, enroll in a college that you cannot afford, and rely on large student loans to make up the difference.
Second, spend the next four years having as good
a time as possible: hang out, hook up, and above all, take plenty of
“awesome” courses.
Third, find teachers and role models who will
encourage you to develop an attitude of enlightened contempt for
ordinary American middle class life, the world of business, and such
bourgeois virtues as self-reliance, thrift, accountability and
self-discipline. Specialize in sarcasm and snark.
Fourth, avoid all courses with tough
requirements, taking only the minimum required number of classes in
science, math and foreign languages.
Fifth, never think about acquiring marketable skills.
Sixth, when you graduate and discover that you
have to repay the loans and cannot get a job that pays enough to live
comfortably while servicing your debts, be surprised. Blame society.
Demand that the government or your parents or evil corporations bail
you out.
Seventh, expect anyone (except for other
clueless losers who’ve been as stupid and wasteful as you) to
sympathize with your plight, or to treat you with anything but an
infuriating mixture of sorrow, pity and contempt.