You Know You're Drunk When

When you smooth talk a bouncer into convincing him you're 18 then realize it was 2am and you've been 18 for 2 hours.

To go along with that:

When you're at IF3
 
you know your drunk when:

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Job interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

You fall off the floor...
 
You know your smashed when you karate chop the slider and female piece off of you bong :(

Or wake up at 7 in the morning and convince yourself its ok to drink river water cause you too hungover to walk to the house.
 
you know your drunk when..... you wake up the next morning to find puke all over your laptop, phone, and desk and think your roomate did it but it was really you.
 
Fuck yeah, its fucking beruit not beer pong for anyone who thinks differently, and you know you are drunk when you pass out waiting for your food at denny's
 
this happened over the summer:

when you wake up to your mom telling you that you somehow slept through your dog throwing up on your bed but secretly you know it was you.
 
When you can't feel your face, shitty beer tastes like nothing, and when you start ranting in german in my case hahaha.
 
-when the last thought you remember is at 10:30 and the party went till 1 in the am

-you fall asleep in your boys sisters bed because u wanted a comfy place to sleep and shes at college

-you dont remember running the table with a kid, let alone playing with him once

-after every drink you think "o boy, shouldnt have done that" then someone wants to shotgun with you and you concur

-you puke multiple times and dont rememebr it

idk tried to think of some from a party last weekend
 
-when you cant even spit game to girls and just end up laying down on top of them instead

-when youre having a party and you go up to girls and ask "hey i got monopoly in my room wanna come play it with me?"
 
when you drink 20 beers and half a handle of wiskey think your fine to bike home end up eating shit and leaving your bike rght in the middle of the road and pass out on some randoms persons front lawn and you wake up in the morning with puke next to you and have to start in a varsity football game in half an hour
 
-Concrete is hugely comfortable

-You manage to blow chunks on the other side of a folding cupboard door

-You are suddenly pro at parkour. like, FRENCH pro.

-breaking into the cars outside the BMW dealership is an excellent idea.

-All disputes can be solved with a vertical leap competition.

-You carry your buddy to the hospital after the vertical leap competition

-You start playing sports like Big European Stranger Rodeo (record, 8.59 seconds)

-You start kicking people just to see if you'll feel guilty about it.

-Everything flat is fair game for a power nap, including cars stopped at intersections.

-Drinking games become drinking sports, with officials, swiss timing, and biased commentary.

 
youre sledding down the stairs at ur buddy's apartment

red wine tastes like water

u bounce from wall to wall when ur walking down ur dorm hallway

 
hahahaah yes i did that this weekend, i was speaking in chinese to some random girls after the salomon party at IF3
 
when you start yelling at people at a party to get out of your house when you are in fact not in your house at all
 
thankyou.jpg
 
when you don't remember anything past 10 and you wake up in the morning and look in your phone and see incomprehensible texts that were sent as late as 4.
 
when everytime you open your eyes its like you took a picture with your mind and nothing moves...... you also cant move.....
 
when you yell at the driver to slow down when ur at a stop sign.

when u can chill and have a good time with some one that you would have kicked the shit out of if you were sober.

 
hahaha my friend was and i were at a party this weekend he got shitted and his parents are both ex-FBI agents and this kid at the party was telling us how he was going to jail for pushin angel dust and OC and shit and my buddy started running around the house yelling "FEDS FOR LIFE, FEDS FOR LIFE" pretending to shoot the criminal
 
You know youre drunk when you sex a girl in the back of your friends furniture delivery van and then try to convince her to pass out there with you because the hard floor of the van is so comfortable then you just end up driving home at 6 Am

You know youre drunk when you chug a pitcher of beer at a bar when the owner of the beer is making out with some annoying girl from cali.

You know youre drunk when these are your friends at a party and they seemed perfectly normal at the time:

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When you wake up from the couch you were passed out on, walk home through gang territory getting very very evil looks, get home, look in the mirror, and realize someone tagged you're face while you were "sleeping" with the opposing gang's tag.

Whoop!, I almost died!
 
when you wake up in the hospital

when your buddy passes out while skiing down a trail at night

when you wake up the next morning and youve got only one ski, no poles, and no helmet
 
-you tell everyone that you can walk down the stairs just fine... then you eat shit and slide down a good portion of them.

-you're lying down on the ground looking at the stars, then force your eyes closed because you're spinning far too fast.

-you're stuck lying down on the floor. with a broken collarbone, hiccuping and cursing every time you do so. then you tell everyone that you're FIIINE to drive home- but you can't even stand up.
 
when youre too drunk to swim thorugh a bay witha deepest point of about 3 feet then proceed to go to someone cottagers small scale wedding party and try and convince them you can walk across the water of the actual big bay and try to convince them that if anything goes wrong chuck norris will save you

or if you think your paddle boat is sinking and you start to try and paddle with your hands...in 2 feet of water
 
you have sex with a random girl literally six feet away from your roommate passed out on his bed. yes!
 
When up feels like down; and because of this, merely walking the hallway to your room can be like two girls wrestling in ky jelly.
 
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