You Know You're Drunk When

ThaLorax

ThaLorax

Active member
This worked well in the 420 forum for a "you know you're high when...". Let's give it a go here.

You know you're drunk when.....

every other word that comes out of your mouth is "fuck you man"

your turn:

 
You have trouble figuiring out how doors work

Making a call takes 5 minutes because you take your phone out of your pocket, then drop it. Then pick it up and drop it. Then pick it up and try to flip it open and drop it. Then pick it up and forget youre holding it and drop it...

You go to the bathroom and it feels like youre on a ship swaying back and forth

You magically learn how to flick bottle caps at people

Couches become amazing
 
i saw these on blue collar tv today so these are off there

you know your're drunk when...

- you ask your wife for her phone number

- Ron White tells you to stop drinking

- when your dog eats your puke and gets hammered
 
you think you're in breck and you're actually in silverthorne and you hitch hike on I70 then get arrested.
 
you run through a hotel at 5 in the morning with ice buckets and eat shit into a wall and laugh for 10 minutes.
 
not gonna name drop but a certain pro skiier likes to drink booze, lots of it. haha. didnt remember leaving breck and went to silvy to my buddies house, and was trying to get to his friends who left him in "breck" haha hes trying to get out of the house and thinks that either the bathroom pantry or closet door is the way out. then my bud says if you're tryin to get outside you gotta go down them stairs. so then he walks down wildernest and walks out onto the highway and was trying to hitchhike and got picked up by the cops. all cuz he was trying to find his friends when they were all there with him. good times.
 
You know you're drunk when you start making consecutive beruit shots for no apparent reason OR if you start consistently missing beruit shots, could go either way.
 
You know your drunk when you throw an empty Colt 45 up, then forget you were trying to break it and try to catch it...
 
Some swedish faggot calls the police on you for underage drinking in a muslim country, happened this weekend, we had a full scale evacuation when we found out they were on their way, i was only tipsy so managed to think straight and call 10 or so taxis and firemans carry all the drunk guys and gals into them and send them off, then i fucked off myself.
 
-You wake up thinking you're damp from sweating during the night, but then realize you pissed yourself...

-You completely black out, then come back to reality at 3am in your hotel lobby in your boxers

-You crawl into a dryer and refuse to come out

-You start biting twist-off caps

-You tell people at the party you live there when you have no idea where you are in the first place

and my all time best: You know you're drunk when you find a loose sign post with a "SPEED BUMP" sign attached to it, yank it out of the ground, and go running down the main street of your campus at 4 in the morning with it. Campus police stops you with it, and you tell them its "for a school project"
 
when you automatically wake up really early like around 6 and start walking around your house finding random kids in everyroom shoving advil down your throat
 
When you go garage hopping at a house with lights on.

When you decide to walk 3 miles to pick up this girl to see your buddy passed out. The kid who was passed out liked the chick that came over, then he was a huge dick to her cause he was drunk and now he hates him.

When you or anyone around you wakes up with stuff drawn on their face.
 
when you fall out of a moving truck twice in 1 night

wake up with blood dirt and puke on you

when you "break" into a building next to the police station by going in a unlocked door and stealing a stop sign post to beat the mailbox of your ex girlfriend, find out its a hella strong mailbox, so you go get a crowbar and try to beat it again, but it still doesn't work.

when you wake up under the table of one of your friends friends in their apartment

 
when you and your best m8 decide to walk to a party 10 miles away at 1 in the morning, to see your gf from a party youve already walked for 1 hour to get to, and whenever you or he has doubts about what your doing you shout "MORE BEER!!!" and take a swig. Then you get scared walking down a lane in the middle of rural england when a white van is coming down the road so you jump over a gate and hide behind a hedge where you decide to do a piss but because your drunk you get piss all over your hands. So you eventually get to a party at a house where your best m8 thinks is in the wrong fucking village but thanks to good directions you arrive covered in your own piss but happy cause your still slightly pissed and youve got to your gf. You make out with her for 10 mins then she leaves... fucking great. Then you fall asleep on the sofa and wake up with your zip open and your dick hanging out. That was one crazy night.

Wow i just wrote a short novel.

 
when you wake up at dawn lying face down on the grass with broken glass all over you, then turn around a realize you fell out of the deck window.

 
You know your drunk when you decide to hang on your dorm room door and break the top hinge so every time you wanna close your door now you have life it by the handle so it will actually close....

you know your drunk when after leaving your teams lacrosse house on a thirsty thursday you decide to stop by mcDonalds and then you dance in the parking lot at 3 in the morning until you get free food (got a big mac meal) guess im a sweet dancer......
 
you know you WERE drunk when the only reason you remember the night is by looking at the timeline of stains on your shirt

you know your drunk when alcohoal tastes like water and ganja feels no different then air.
 
The last bus has left and you can't get a cab. So you walk from Breck to Frisco during a snowstorm and get there 45 minutes before your bus leaves to go back to work in Breck.
 
you know you were drunk when you find yourself waking up in a field a two hour walk away fromt he last place you remember being. and then you get home and your friend calls you and tells you to watch the 6:00 news because you'll be on it, running from a police helicopter into a forest. and then you are.

 
you drunk dial the fuck out of every girl youve ever had a thing with and end up with girl problems the next day.
 
you wake up and you see your best friend passed out across the room surronded in beer bottles
 
-When you wake up in the shower

-When you go to sleep on the main floor and wakeup in the basement

-When you have to lean up against things cause you can't stand up on your own

-When you get kicked out of the bar for drinking more

-When your walking to your friends house because your supposed to sleep there, passing out on a lawn on the way and waking up to realize your passed out in front of a church.
 
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