Writing a formal letter to my ski hill- Advice?

Shilling

Shilling

Member
First off our hill makes the suckiest jumps. they make really rolling knuckles and THE flattest landings, which are terrible! they make a lot of snow too so they could have nice bg jumps, but they make these sucky things with flat landings. so me and my friends decided to ban together and write a letter to the management to try and get them to change their ways. we've already talked to the cat manager casually and whatnot. so this is the letter, do you have any advice on what to add/subtract/change?

Dear Birch Hill Recreation Area Staff,

To

start off with, I, Adam Shilling, have skied your hill for the past three or

four years, along with plenty of my friends. We have had an unfathomable amount

of fun and good times out there, and we would jus t like to say thank you for

the facilites and good environment you have set up for us.

In the

past couple of years we have started to progress towards freestyle

skiing/snowboarding, and have started to hit more jumps and rails in your

terrain park. After landing (and crashing) countless times on your jumps we

have a pretty good feel for them. The way the jumps are constructed are just

really too flat. When people land they have so much force coming straight down

that it causes much pain and discomfort to absorb all of that momentum with

your body. However, with steeper landings and a defined knuckle, these problems

could be avoided, making for an incredibly nicer jump with virtually the same

amount of snow. At the beginning of the season there were the 2 main jumps, and

the first one was beautifully constructed. It had a not incredibly poppy lip, a

defined knuckle, and a steep landing.

The second however had a very poppy take off and a flat landing, so like

earlier described it would hurt a lot to land on a flat landing. If there are

any laws or regulations that are keeping this from happening I apologize, for I

was not aware of said restrictions. But if not, I really think the Cat driver

and the rest of the staff should really consider these ideas, because I think

they would be in the best interest of all the park riders here at Birch Hill.

Thank You For Listening,

Adam Shilling

This is a list of

signature of people that share the same opinions:

 
There's some sentence error's if you were looking for grammatical help (check your tenses)... otherwise looks fine to me, don't mail it in, hand it to the person who will be important/reading it so they can put a name to a face.
 
well written
consider setting the last statement apart as a final a concluding paragraph. Also directly say what "these ideas" are. You never directly said what it is that should be done.
reword some stuff like "It had a not incredibly poppy lip" to "The lip was not incredibly poppy"
Other than that it was better than most letters i've seen on here
 
you should also offer to yknow like get your friends together and go up on the hill with the park staff and show them what changes need to be made, because alot of the time they really have no idea what theyre doing and it could make a huge difference
 
Find out who is in-charge for whatever your concerns are. It'll seem more personable. Consider not using words like "good-times", instead, find something a little more appropriate and somewhat "professional".

Other than some other little grammatical errors, I'd say your off to a great start.
 
thats well writen. im thinking of writing a novel about the stuff smuggs should change in their park
 
Yeah check the grammar etc in your original letter, but I would potentially take the angle that there has been wide publicity of the growing number of serious injuries coming from terrain parks, which has seen some major resorts take action to avoid/mitigate it.

With the current jump design, this threat is very real and with the growing market for freestyle skiing and snowboarding it is important to appeal to the riders through feature design. Feature design applies both to the enjoyment of hitting the features you provide (both through form and function, through their shaping etc) and secondly through the decreased risk of injury as a result of the way they are constructed.

Of course injuries will always occur. Lets face it - there are plenty of people out there who see themselves as superman. But for my friends and myself though, we enjoy your resort and hopefully with some small changes to the way your jumps are constructed a lot more people will as well.

The direct benefit to you out of this is obviously that you will see a reduction in the number of injuries occuring as a result of accidents from the jumps. This not only helps from a PR point of view, but also in reducing the instances of litigation.

Secondly by creating a positive perception from the public through word of mouth, you can benefit by hopefully attracting more new clients to the resort to ride your features.
 
Oh and you want this to go to the right person (i.e head of operations, PR, park staff etc) otherwise it is likely to get lost and/or filed in the bin.
 
Perhaps add in the safety aspect of steeper landings. Resorts LOVE anything that will reduce their injury rates possibly reducing insurance costs.
 
define hit and knuckle and landing, also it you should prob give it to several people, not just one. get it to enough and eventually you will find someone who actually listens. Dont overlook the park crew, park managers, cat operators/managers, the whole show.
 
the first paragraph is sketchy, dont be indirect. use specifics with confidence dont say 3 or 4 pick on. you might want to split up that paragraph and try to change some of your words around. it just seems a bit informal for me but im not going to rewrite it for you haha.
 
Meet the guy you want the letter to get to and shake his hand talk to him about it and have him get to know you. It will help a LOT! Make sure to offer to go up on the mountain and show them what is being done correctly and then show them how it can be done correctly. Also stress the fact that there is less chance of injury with a well built jump. Something like: In today's world many people will sue over an injury and ski resorts are a major target. With well built jumps it makes the chance for injury much lower. However, with your current jumps there is a much greater chance for injury meaning you have more of a potential to be sued for a large sum of money.
 


Dear Birch Hill Recreation Area Staff,

To

start off with, I, Adam Shilling, have skied your hill for the past three or

four years, along with plenty of my friends. We have had an unfathomable amount

of fun and good times out there, and we would jus t like to say thank you for

the facilites and good environment you have set up for us.

In the

past couple of years we have started to progress towards freestyle

skiing/snowboarding, and have started to hit more jumps and rails in your

terrain park. After landing (and crashing) countless times on your jumps we

have a pretty good feel for them. The way the jumps are constructed are honestly

too flat. When people land they have so much force coming straight down that it

causes much pain and discomfort to absorb all of that momentum with your body.

However, with steeper landings and a defined knuckle, these problems could be

avoided, making for an incredibly nicer jump with virtually the same amount of

snow. However a steeper landing would take more of that downward force out of

the initial impact and let you ride out much cleaner.

At the beginning of the season

there were the 2 main jumps, and the first one was beautifully constructed. It

had a not incredibly poppy lip, a defined knuckle, and a steep landing. The second however had a very poppy take off

and a flat landing, so like earlier described it would hurt very much to land.

What should be done is the landings

need to be steeper and longer. If you make a defined knuckle (the area where

the angle changes from up to down) you will then be able to make a steep

landing which will help cause less injuries and more fun.

As a side note: There are many

advanced riders that ski/snowboard at your hill. You really do have the best

park in Alaska. However alongside your jumps being very flat, they are also

very small for more advanced riders. The Step-Up at the bottom of the hill is by

far the biggest jump but because the ramp is so flat and the landing is so

flat, your airtime is just as much as a smaller jump. People would be much more

satisfied if there was a larger jump, preferably 30+feet (ramp to knuckle).

If there are any laws or

regulations that are keeping this from happening I apologize, for I was not

aware of said restrictions. But if not, I really think the Cat driver and the

rest of the staff should really consider these ideas, because I think they

would be in the best interest of all the park riders here at Birch Hill. I

would also be incredibly willing to assist or further explain ideas in person.

Less important suggestion: putting

up more rails

Thank You For Listening,

Adam Shilling

(907) 322-2320

This is a list of

signatures of people that share the same opinions:
 
Im pretty sure noone has mentioned this, but I could be wrong.Butttt, I would consider changing words like "poppy" to words that anyone off the street would understand, formal means no slang and for all you know the guy who';s reading this will look at it and think you're talking about rememberance day.
 
Sounds really good..... one stupid little thing.....

the "2" in "2 jumps" should be changed to "two" (numbers less then ten are spelled out more than 10 are left numbers ie. 2367)
 
try to give them an incentive to make the park better, i know that they are looking it on a cost basis, what are they gonna gain? more kids gonna ride park? gonna buy more day passes? gonna come up to the hill? stay longer? for lunch maybe?

thinks i would say is if the park is smoother and constructed with a little more care, they will attract much more freestyle kids into the park instead of the dangerous side booters and cat track gaps, and also that more of your friends would ride park if it was safer.

just thoughts.
 
Define "poppy" and I think the letter will be pretty good. You could probably offer to help the park crew to understand how to make a good landing
 
ya try to keep skiing slang to a minimum so they can understand it completely, maybe draw a diagram/model?
 
compared to? aleyeska's 2 jumps that arent even up yet? we'll see how their park turns out but so far its the best.
 
yo i got the same problem at my place with flat landings n what not, except the park crew is all ass holes and dont maintain the park ever, and i would try this but idk if a letter will dobut good letter by the way
 
My edit:
Dear Birch Hill Recreation Area Staff, To start off with, my name is Adam Shilling and I have skied your hill for the past three or four years along with a large number of my friends. We have had an unfathomable amount of fun and good times at your resort, and we would just like to say thank you for the excellent facilites and fun environment you provide for us. In the past couple of years we have started to progress our freestyle skiing and snowboarding, and have started to hit the jumps and rails in your terrain park. After hitting the jumps countless times each season we have a pretty good feel for them. We have come to notice however that the way in which the jumps are constructed is just too flat. When me and my friends, and others in the terrain park land we have so much force coming straight down that it causes pain and discomfort absorbing the force of landing with our bodies. However, with steeper landings and a more defined knuckle (the transition from the table of the jump to the landing), these problems could be avoided, and would make for a much smoother jump with virtually the same amount of snow. At the beginning of the season there were the 2 main jumps in the terrain park, and the first one was beautifully constructed. It had a smoother lip, which propelled you more forward instead of upward, a defined knuckle, and a steeper landing. The second jump however had a very steep lip and a flat landing, so the landing was harsh and uncomfortable, instead of smooth. If there are any rules or restrictions that are keeping this reshaping of the jumps from happening I apologize, for I was not aware of any. But if not, I really think the Cat drivers as well as the rest of the staff should really consider these ideas, because I think they would be in the best interest of all the park riders here at Birch Hill and it would attract more skiers and snowboarders like myself because the terrain park would be more fun.Thank You For Listening,Adam ShillingThis is a list of signature of people that share the same opinions:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top