Wisdom Teeth and Constipation

Man these shit posts are great! lol

haha, i have a story but its not about poop...but close...one time i was at a friends and we were foolin around and then he shoved me backwards and i landed on a drinking glass....i got up quickley and thought it was just a bruise... then he noticed a steady driping of blood on the carpet. Im like whaterver but it speeds up so i go to the washroom and looked at my ass and and it was sliced from cheek to bloody cheek. there was a big puddle of blood on the bathroom floor so i dedided to go to the hospital. When i got upstairs i got dizzy and almost passed out. i coudnt really stand and realized i was in shock! So we drove to the hospital and it was closed! im just peachy coverd in cold sweat and bleeding from the anoose. then a doctor comes around and says hell help me so i pull down the shorts and he stiches me up, after stickin a needle in my ass. I think i farted in his face but im not sure, cuz my rectum was numb. so dont sit on glass. nobody wants a new asshole. i have 2 now.

----now i lay me down to sleep, blah blah blah my soul to keep, if i die before i wake ill go to hell for heavons sake.
 
kooteny guy is your icon suppose to be brown hair moving or someonshitting on the guy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'i jerk off so much that when i have sex with my girlfriend i feel like im cheating on my dick'

im a hobum!

 
its some dude headbangin, i know its shitty tho

----now i lay me down to sleep, blah blah blah my soul to keep, if i die before i wake ill go to hell for heavons sake.
 
ehhh you should say its shit because its perfect for the thread...go with the 'flow' dude

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'i jerk off so much that when i have sex with my girlfriend i feel like im cheating on my dick'

im a hobum!

 
i have bad gas.

A proud memeber of the NS.com Cousin Exchange Program

SUck My AnTeAtEr

The more you want something, the less likely it will happen.

stealin and dealin screamin semen like a demon

My going rate is 25$

 
The return of the greatest thread ever to grace NS.

=========================

^Rowen^

Why?

'You're watching the Family Learning Channel. And now, angry ticks will fire out from my nipples.'

- Excerpt from Rejected, a movie by Don Hertzfeldt
 
i pissed my pants a tiny bit reading that cuz i was laughing so damn hard. my stomach is fucking killing me. thank you for making my day like 30 times better.

peace,paul

'handin out flyers is jus fuckin ridiculous...when you give somebody a flyer its like...say man...why dont you go throw this out for me?'

-mitch hedburg

'is mick nick and mike wilson the same people?'

-//d-lite//

 
wow, glad thats back

thanks

(really)

______________________________________________________

'Somebody done gone and burned a hole in my shirt!' -some drunken hick who wandered into my hotel room
 
just for fun

OK, I don't know why I haven't shared this with y'all earlier, but anyhow...here goes: Last year I got my wisdom teeth pulled...pretty standard procedure, the shit they put me on was great...the stories are all the same. Anyhow everything's going smoothly. My mom's pampering me with McDonalds fries and milkshakes and shit, shit hurts, but no worries because that's the game. I'm taking codone and penecillin, the usual deal. Anyhow, a week passes and I realize that I haven't taken a shit yet, but it's not really bugging me, probably because I haven't eaten shit. Then another couple days go by and I'm eating a pretty normal diet, but still no shit. Two weeks pass and not a stool in sight. By now, I have to go real fucking bad, but the kids won't jump in the pool. I can't even sit down like a normal person; uncomfortable as a ass virgin in prison. I'm taking everything from a loaf of whole wheat bread, to a six pack of prune juice, to shit old people take (meatmcule and some gooey shit you mix in drinks). Still nothing. I'm complaining non-stop, which is understandable, because I have to shit so bad that I can't even think. Its been a week and a half by now...about twenty days with out taking a shit. My mom is trying to call the hospital, but I won't let her, that shit would be way too embarassing. She gets all pissed and leaves, 'I'm going to the drug store.' Im thinking, great more granma pills. She gets home hands me a bag and shoves me in my bathroom and jams the door shut. I'm freaking out yelling and shit, so is she. Finally shit settles down and I open the bag. It's a fucking home aenema kit, holy shit. I have to stick something up my ass, my fucking lord. After a while vascilating on life, I open the box. The dirctions are the funniest thing I have ever read, with pictures too, which are even better. After more vascilation I figure, what the fuck...I can't go on living like this, I gotta do it. The thing looks like one of those red generic kethup dispensers that can squirt really far, except the squirt part is a little longer and its filled with some sort of soapy liquid. So I pull that out and a little package of lube and get the shit all ready. I assume the position, as perscribed on the directions and slide it in. Amazingly, you can't feel it all that much, which makes sense, because I've had shits ten time the diamater of the little squirter thingy. Anyways, with the thing up my ass I squeeze the bottle until every last drop is in my colon and intestines and what not...that you can really fucking feel, but it's not a bad feeling, just really weird. So that's all finished...nothing. I sit up and some of the shit drips out, no biggy. Waiting. Waiting. Nothings happening at all, I still have to shit but it ain't happening. And then it hit me, like a nuclear fucking bomb. My stomach starting making noses like when you bring burps up from your stomach...I'm freaking shit. I sit on the toilet and my ass is sing the siberian national anthem, but no poo. Then my ass starts going into convulsions, it really wants to shit but it can't. And then it happened, I lost all control of my anus, the flood gates were open. It wasn't satisfying at all...I had no control whatsoever. I through a magazine rack, that is next to the toilet, and it broke into a thousand pieces...Freeze and Powder magazines everywhere. I'm still shitting like fucking mount vusuvius. I want to stop but I can't, my ass needs a break. I punch the wall denting it like a mother fucker, I thougt I broke my knuckles, but I was still shitting. I was honestly shitting for three minutes straight, and then a short break when I regained control, but then I lost it...It went on like that for an eternity. Not only did I not shit for almost three weeks, but I was taking more than reccommended doses of two laxatives on top of excessive wheat products and prune juice...holy shit, I thought I was going to shit out my lungs and heart. Finally I was done, but I was really sore, my asshole felt like it was McJagger's mouth. But I shit, I got it all out, and probably some other stuff too. I fixed the magazine rack, but the dent is still there from my fist. But to this day I am scared shitless of penecillin. The moral of this story, don't take shitting for granted. Now I always set aside at least ten minutes to poo, and I always bring along good reading material, because I never know when the next time I won't be able to shit will be. Keep this in mind kids, poop is your friend, but can also be your worst enemy.
 
should i keep it as me sig

_________________________

OK, I don't know why I haven't shared this with y'all earlier, but anyhow...here goes: Last year I got my wisdom teeth pulled...pretty standard procedure, the shit they put me on was great...the stories are all the same. Anyhow everything's going smoothly. My mom's pampering me with McDonalds fries and milkshakes and shit, shit hurts, but no worries because that's the game. I'm taking codone and penecillin, the usual deal. Anyhow, a week passes and I realize that I haven't taken a shit yet, but it's not really bugging me, probably because I haven't eaten shit. Then another couple days go by and I'm eating a pretty normal diet, but still no shit. Two weeks pass and not a stool in sight. By now, I have to go real fucking bad, but the kids won't jump in the pool. I can't even sit down like a normal person; uncomfortable as a ass virgin in prison. I'm taking everything from a loaf of whole wheat bread, to a six pack of prune juice, to shit old people take (meatmcule and some gooey shit you mix in drinks). Still nothing. I'm complaining non-stop, which is understandable, because I have to shit so bad that I can't even think. Its been a week and a half by now...about twenty days with out taking a shit. My mom is trying to call the hospital, but I won't let her, that shit would be way too embarassing. She gets all pissed and leaves, 'I'm going to the drug store.' Im thinking, great more granma pills. She gets home hands me a bag and shoves me in my bathroom and jams the door shut. I'm freaking out yelling and shit, so is she. Finally shit settles down and I open the bag. It's a fucking home aenema kit, holy shit. I have to stick something up my ass, my fucking lord. After a while vascilating on life, I open the box. The dirctions are the funniest thing I have ever read, with pictures too, which are even better. After more vascilation I figure, what the fuck...I can't go on living like this, I gotta do it. The thing looks like one of those red generic kethup dispensers that can squirt really far, except the squirt part is a little longer and its filled with some sort of soapy liquid. So I pull that out and a little package of lube and get the shit all ready. I assume the position, as perscribed on the directions and slide it in. Amazingly, you can't feel it all that much, which makes sense, because I've had shits ten time the diamater of the little squirter thingy. Anyways, with the thing up my ass I squeeze the bottle until every last drop is in my colon and intestines and what not...that you can really fucking feel, but it's not a bad feeling, just really weird. So that's all finished...nothing. I sit up and some of the shit drips out, no biggy. Waiting. Waiting. Nothings happening at all, I still have to shit but it ain't happening. And then it hit me, like a nuclear fucking bomb. My stomach starting making noses like when you bring burps up from your stomach...I'm freaking shit. I sit on the toilet and my ass is sing the siberian national anthem, but no poo. Then my ass starts going into convulsions, it really wants to shit but it can't. And then it happened, I lost all control of my anus, the flood gates were open. It wasn't satisfying at all...I had no control whatsoever. I through a magazine rack, that is next to the toilet, and it broke into a thousand pieces...Freeze and Powder magazines everywhere. I'm still shitting like fucking mount vusuvius. I want to stop but I can't, my ass needs a break. I punch the wall denting it like a mother fucker, I thougt I broke my knuckles, but I was still shitting. I was honestly shitting for three minutes straight, and then a short break when I regained control, but then I lost it...It went on like that for an eternity. Not only did I not shit for almost three weeks, but I was taking more than reccommended doses of two laxatives on top of excessive wheat products and prune juice...holy shit, I thought I was going to shit out my lungs and heart. Finally I was done, but I was really sore, my asshole felt like it was McJagger's mouth. But I shit, I got it all out, and probably some other stuff too. I fixed the magazine rack, but the dent is still there from my fist. But to this day I am scared shitless of penecillin. The moral of this story, don't take shitting for granted. Now I always set aside at least ten minutes to poo, and I always bring along good reading material, because I never know when the next time I won't be able to shit will be. Keep this in mind kids, poop is your friend, but can also be your worst enemy.
 
no i shouln't

________________________

my teacher : don't smoke pot it makes you stupid

ME : shut up bitch

My teach : go to the office and don't talk to me that way

ME : fuck you im leaving

Teach : go to the office

ME : no, but im leaving

Teach : where do you think your going

ME : to smoke a blunt you flaming hippie fag.

that would be funny, the real exchange was not nearly as graphic. but the same ending.
 
its copyrighted by alpentalik.

Where did the other great shit stories go to, i distinctly remember there being more of them?

=========================

^Rowen^

Why?

'You're watching the Family Learning Channel. And now, angry ticks will fire out from my nipples.'

- Excerpt from Rejected, a movie by Don Hertzfeldt
 
thats why changed it, i just had to post it in one other forum, and i will box erich for the rights to it.

________________________

my teacher : don't smoke pot it makes you stupid

ME : shut up bitch

My teach : go to the office and don't talk to me that way

ME : fuck you im leaving

Teach : go to the office

ME : no, but im leaving

Teach : where do you think your going

ME : to smoke a blunt you flaming hippie fag.

that would be funny, the real exchange was not nearly as graphic. but the same ending.
 
haha i just read ekanes post in another msg and that was his sig and though it was him he wrote it soo ya u should take it off

 
ah, the good ol' days...i hate to hex myself, but you can expect threads such as these in a couple of months when skiing is over and work will drive me over the edge....start counting down.

''Chicks dig SARS''
 
i don't think it was the penicillin that clogged ur pipes. I think it was the codeine cause something similar happened to me not too long ago when I was taking it for a cough...cept without all the mess.

-Sara

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

Member of the OTC!

Skiing is not for the simple minded, that's why they invented the snowboard.

skihood.com

 
wow now two things i cant wait for, your stories and more of skipimp's stories, yay

--------------------

Creator of the NS Cousin Exchange Program

me think u need realize that we dun give a fuck..' cams

Stealth Ninja of the Silent Army

HIGH NORTH SESSION 4
 
Haha, how funny. I can imagine how much that must've sucked. Damn.

-MiKeE LiFsHiTz-

***NEWSCHOOL UNDERGROUND***
 
thank god that didn't happen to me when my wisdom teeth were taken out....

*~*SUPER BUNNY*~*

slow minded

olives taste good

how can a fat cow get all the way over the moon??
 
that is so gross, its not.

________________________

my teacher : don't smoke pot it makes you stupid

ME : shut up bitch

My teach : go to the office and don't talk to me that way

ME : fuck you im leaving

Teach : go to the office

ME : no, but im leaving

Teach : where do you think your going

ME : to smoke a blunt you flaming hippie fag.

that would be funny, the real exchange was not nearly as graphic. but the same ending.
 
look for the 'its poo again....' thread, im tellin u, its funny shit

----------------------------------

'i was grinding with this one guy at a gay bar called 'From Behind' and he had a huge boner' - Lateralis the great

'i knew a kid at 12 who didnt know how to masturbate, until i showed him el porno' - petek

Newschool Underground, cleanin up NS, one bitch at a time

**NEWSCHOOL UNDERGROUND**

 
oh christ man this is the only thing i have ever read on this site that actually had me laughing like a fiend!

Hey Kids! Sell Crack to Support Newschoolers!

FROSTMONKEY
 
yeah, i know, my brother is the one driving

________________________

my teacher : don't smoke pot it makes you stupid

ME : shut up bitch

My teach : go to the office and don't talk to me that way

ME : fuck you im leaving

Teach : go to the office

ME : no, but im leaving

Teach : where do you think your going

ME : to smoke a blunt you flaming hippie fag.

that would be funny, the real exchange was not nearly as graphic. but the same ending.
 
i didnt eat any corn today

anal sex is unnatural wheres progression with that - bibskis

Everytime someone agrees with me, I feel I must be wrong
 
hey ive read this before a while ago..

good story though, funkin hilarious

IM out like a blind kid in laser tag--- --- I'm out like a midget in a high jump competition
 
holy shit, i cant stop laughing. thank you for your troubles. they made my day that much better

===================

fear makes it fun

'i took a look around the world and found that only stupid people were breeding'-unknown

'im a mugger!

ill mug ya!' - crazy 9 year old

member of the association against clubs

unfortanately for me, i owe every member of ns.com 10 bucks. but youll never get it! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!
 
that is a great story, i havent laughed that hard in a long time

'You only live once. If you live it right, once is enough' -Micah Black
 
that was fuckin hilarious...props for being a good story teller alpentalik...

-----------

Unity through nationalism isn't unity- it's nazi.

Unity through shared pain and human struggle-that's unity.

 
i know this is a tad old.....but OMG...i almost pissed myself reading it. i had to go and look for it casue some of u were talking about it. owww, my stomach hurst i am laughing so hard.... man, u need to catalog these stories!

-------------------

freestyler525 -> this a damn ski forum not the fucking 'gramatical spelling forum'

CalgaryJibber -> two M;s in grammatical

freestyler525 ->i had to admit that was pretty funny
 
dont we all

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

1-800-BUTT-MONKEYS.com.net.lesbian P.O. Box 2, City Place, 47 Years in the Voluntary Pilot Firefighting Bear Safe Sun Screen Kids Please Call Now ~~capurnicus

'he's a very articulate black man'

(your ad here)

SRMC

-kevan
 
i thought since everyone on here looks up to that dude alpentalik or whatever like hes god that i might try read it but then i thought na not worth it. kinda like writing this post.

KILL ALL THE WHITE MAN!
 
o man that was the greatest story ever, i love u erich, i dont think ive laughed so hard off somthin on the internet ever, but yea the coedine is probly what got u, i got a bottle of it when i broke my collar bone in canada, and i was smoking mass amounts of bud and just taking pills whenever casue i couldtn remember the last time i had had one, i finished the bottle of 30 in about 5 days, it was fucked, but then on my way home i read the sideaffects and it said constapation, and i realized, i hadnt taken a shit since i started takin the pills, i lasted about a week and a half without takin a shit, and i still havnt been able to shit easily since

----------------------------------

'thats when you smack them upside the head and say 'yo bitch,i know this aint tennis but im a use my backhand!'' - Lateralis

Member of the 'lets help Sam loose some weight so he can possibly get a girl' Club.

Bonnnnnnnnnnnnnggggg
 
my mom broke her arm...and they accidently gave her constipation pills instead of painkillers...so when they werent helping the pain they told her to double up on them....

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

1-800-BUTT-MONKEYS.com.net.lesbian P.O. Box 2, City Place, 47 Years in the Voluntary Pilot Firefighting Bear Safe Sun Screen Kids Please Call Now ~~capurnicus

'he's a very articulate black man'

(your ad here)

SRMC

-kevan
 
I got my wisdom teeth out today. I've got the penicillin too, may I avoid having my own wisdom teeth and constipation story.

 
god help you...and john wayne died with over 50 pounds of shit inside him when he died

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

1-800-BUTT-MONKEYS.com.net.lesbian P.O. Box 2, City Place, 47 Years in the Voluntary Pilot Firefighting Bear Safe Sun Screen Kids Please Call Now ~~capurnicus

'he's a very articulate black man'

(your ad here)

SRMC

-kevan
 
Wow, that story was amazing, thank God I don't have wisdom teeth!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'You know the world has gone crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black, the Swiss hold the America's cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war.'

 
This thread should be framed in gold and put in the NS Hall Of Fame.

~*~§~*~§~*~§~*~§~*~

Sex is like math:

You plus me

Minus the clothes

Divide the legs

And hope we don't multiply

Cheers to skier chicks!

We may be few and far between, but we're definitely out there!
 
that story is amazing, but for some reason, the first time I read it I didnt laugh, I was just amazed and found it funny. the second time, just now I chuckled a bit and found it more funny but still didnt laugh. what is wrong with me? :(

-MiKeE LiFsHiTz-
 
not at all how i expected the story to go..

i thought the pain of having your teeth pulled would be so intense, that you should shit all over the dentist chair.

i had a poop story on here, it got deleted though.

 
i was about six at the time.. swimming at the condo assosiation's pool. i had just got in when suddenly, i had to poop like a menace. i didnt want to have to walk all the way home to use the bathroom wet. you know how difficult it is to whipe a damp, shit laced asshole. so i kept on swimming, for hours more. letting the shit build up inside my petite virgin stomach. finally my boules couldnt take the pressure. i sprung out of the pool, mommy and 'daddy' followed. i ran fast throught the open feild from the pool to my house. now try to imagin this from my parents point of view, hell, lets make it a paniramic view to make it more dramatic. i ran, fast, as small turds slipped out of my tiny neon green swimsuit. i tripped, landed on my stomach, causing the shit to arupt out as if my anus was a small, pasty white guizer. i cried.

 
So good, so funny. I remember reading this a while back and laughing so hard. I usually never laugh at my computer but that is funny as hell! I havent had that happen to me but one time i couldnt shit for 2 weeks after being sick and when i did poop i shit out a cannonball, yeah a fucking cannonball. A solid sphere of shit. You know how much that hurts to push one of those babies out?

 
ahahhahahaha! thats so funny!

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.'

 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top