What to do about my gf? Need dat ns advice

c-wayne

Member
so to begin...... i guess ill give some backround info. We met at school when i randomly chatted her up walking to class. Classic story. we hung out a few times hooked up and then quickly realized there is alot in common between us and that we clicked very well and in an interesting way. Started dating a month after we met

I had gotten out of a BAD relationship about a month and a half earlier and was looking to kindof just get over the last bad gf. I was chatting up/fucking as many honeys as possible (which now i look back and see as very lame) and once i was with her she held me down very quickly. She had broken up with her last bf 10 months before we met and it was apparent she was very very hurt by loosing him and was still attached when we started hooking up. When i asked her to be my girlfriend it took her about 3 weeks to fully commit to being mine and getting completely over him. He was her first everything.

Plot twist.... Before him she had been sexually abused by 2 guys and more or less raped from what she tells me. This changed her completely from being a very fun outgoing person to being a very quite introvert type person with a few close friends and him. From what i was told he really helped her get pat her past abuse and really really helped her. They were first friends and then they dated for about ten months and she was thinking about a future with him and everything. Long story short, he was going to college 4 hours from her and wanted to be free so he broke up with her. She was a mess from what she tells me and was very lost and missed him alot. They were fwb whenever they were able to be around each other. This went on for a long time after they broke up and continued basically until she met me.

We hooked up pretty quickly and had sex alot and very quickly realized we had something great. As time went on i started finding out all of these information about her past and she would oftentimes reference her ex boyfriend about alot of stuff. She would compare him to alot of things and a few times a week would kindof bring him up. This bothered me but i never really said anything because myself im honestly a very confident (and think of myself as an alpha type person so i dont worry about other males), but it really did seem sketchy to me. I could almost sense there was still alot between them. The one time i saw he was in her recent texta and i brought it up and she said there was nothing for me to worry about and they are just really good friends still. She doesnt seem to be the kind to be cheating or sketchy and she insists once she commits to a guy she only wants him and will never cheat or be unfaithfull.

So long story short again, i am 21 and she is 20. Ex is 19. We have been together for 4 months now and are on summer break from school. Im ab hr and a half from her and she is in her hometown were ex lives. i have seen her at least once a week for the entire summer thus far and everything has been great. The distance doesn't really bother me since it just makes it more awesome when i do get to see her. Everything is great between us and we if anything are closer now than when we lived together at the university. The issue to me is everything we are together she she shows me shit on her phone her ex is always in her top texts and her top fb messages. Every time she shows me stuff his name is there. I wanna bring it up and confirm again that nothing is going on and she sees him as just a friend but i sense and for some reason sense they have alot between them since he helped her with so much and she would consider getting back together with him. i honestly fear this knowing the circumstances between them and how close they live together in her home town for the summer.

Im not a controlling person and dont wanna be that guy that's like -dont talk to any guys except me... ect-, but i feel as if something might be happening with them and i do not want to waste my time, money and effort into continuing a relationship with her if she has something still going on with her ex. I feel kind of like a little bitch for feeling like this but i really do like her and she has been literally almost perfect as a girlfriend and i could easily see myself settling down with her even though im only 21. We have almost similar viewpoints on everything including liking almost all of the same food, same environment, and the same type of small logcabin type houses. What should i do lm? should i not sweat it since she is with me for a reason, or should i be worried? Should i bring it up? Or should i possibly let her go and move on to someone who is not involved with there ex still? Im leaning toward bringing it up and really asking for a deep honest answer and then going from there, meaning either moving on if she still has feelings for him or keeping her if she sais she doesn't, or lies to me and sais she doesnt. What do you think? I just dont wanna waste my time and get played really.
 
george-bush-gif.gif
 
ask her whats going on. Sounds sketchy too me but I dont wanna jump to conclusions. In my experiences in High School, no girl is actually ever "really good friends" with her ex. There's always some kind of tie.
 
Honestly, sit down and talk to her about it. Make it open and not overly agressive, but in a way that you can adress your concerns to her. If she cares about you she'll be willing to talk about what's going on.

+vibes man
 
Similar thing happened with me and my girflriend a while back. Although it was with another dude and not an ex. I was stupid and thought I could trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt like a good boyfriend should. 2 months later Im single and shes dating the same dude she was "Just friends with" less then a week after we broke up.

Moral of the story: dont do what I did.

Be like "yo, that 'hes just a friend' shit is bologna. You guys talk way more then a guy and girl should when they are just 'friends.'"
 
13022890:Olimar said:
Similar thing happened with me and my girflriend a while back. Although it was with another dude and not an ex. I was stupid and thought I could trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt like a good boyfriend should. 2 months later Im single and shes dating the same dude she was "Just friends with" less then a week after we broke up.

Moral of the story: dont do what I did.

Be like "yo, that 'hes just a friend' shit is bologna. You guys talk way more then a guy and girl should when they are just 'friends.'"

But dont accuse her. Thats bad.

But if you have to keep on bringing up the fact that she is always talking to him, and that you dont like it and are annoyed by it, then thats when it becomes a problem. Basically because it shows she doesnt care that you are upset by it.
 
13022853:immas said:
Honestly, sit down and talk to her about it. Make it open and not overly agressive, but in a way that you can adress your concerns to her. If she cares about you she'll be willing to talk about what's going on.

+vibes man

i think im gonna do this.... actually text her later and see whats up. And i agree with everyone, even if shes not being sketchy im sure theirs something more than just friends there and i should ask her about it
 
13022897:c-wayne said:
i think im gonna do this.... actually text her later and see whats up. And i agree with everyone, even if shes not being sketchy im sure theirs something more than just friends there and i should ask her about it

Don't want to get into too much personal detail but what if she is cheating on you? WHat are you gonna do?
 
13022899:mmccarthy14 said:
Don't want to get into too much personal detail but what if she is cheating on you? WHat are you gonna do?

im deffinitly gonna break up with her and not even be upset haha. idoubt she is but even if she admits theres still something there im out.

I got no time and money for shadyness. Id rather be single and with extra money than doubting her and spending alot to drive to her and see her ya know?
 
13022897:c-wayne said:
i think im gonna do this.... actually text her later and see whats up. And i agree with everyone, even if shes not being sketchy im sure theirs something more than just friends there and i should ask her about it

Don't just text, it can be taken out of context. You really need to do this face to face.
 
13022905:c-wayne said:
im deffinitly gonna break up with her and not even be upset haha. idoubt she is but even if she admits theres still something there im out.

I got no time and money for shadyness. Id rather be single and with extra money than doubting her and spending alot to drive to her and see her ya know?

Yea man was gonna recommend that. All power to ya.
 
13022905:c-wayne said:
im deffinitly gonna break up with her and not even be upset haha. idoubt she is but even if she admits theres still something there im out.

I got no time and money for shadyness. Id rather be single and with extra money than doubting her and spending alot to drive to her and see her ya know?

Thats where your wrong. If she is cheating (vibes if so), act like its nothing, bang, but pee in her butt. Then bail
 
Chicks will never get that there is a reason they broke up with their ex's. I will never understand why they would still want to be friends/still talk to their exes. They will also understand that we absolutely HATE above everything else when they text their ex's.

so yeah, bring it up and lay into her with it.

t. gf pro
 
13022897:c-wayne said:
i think im gonna do this.... actually text her later and see whats up. And i agree with everyone, even if shes not being sketchy im sure theirs something more than just friends there and i should ask her about it

if you just ask her if there really is nothing going on and tell her you only want to know because you really care about her and only want her to be happy, I think that youll get an honest answer. Just speak from the heart and try to talk to her like you see her side, so she doesnt get defensive and hold back.
 
Just be honest and calmly tell her that the situation makes you uncomfortable, and talk it over, and don't have an outcome in your head beforehand.

alternatively, pee in her anus
 
honestly it looks shady but its not like shes deleting his messages, so shes not trying to hide the fact that they still talk. from what it sounds like he helped her get through some seriously traumatic shit and it wasnt a bad breakup, so they can still be friends. I think you probably dont have anything to worry about, but it wouldnt hurt to bring it up in a non-confrontational way.
 
13022925:slav_slayer said:
we absolutely HATE above everything else when they text their ex's.

so yeah, bring it up and lay into her with it.

man, you guys are some insecure mother fuckers. if you're treating your girl right and making her happy, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. unless she's a scandalous hoe...in which case you should probably re-evaluate your situation anyway.
 
Dear OP, I'm that ex. Not yours specifically but I was in an almost identical situation. I met a girl in HS a year younger than me, fell in love with her and her with me, helped her get through some serious family issues, learned a lot, but in the end broke up when I went to college. Now I transferred and she happens to be going to the same college. Neither of us knew beforehand, but she had another BF for the year we didn't talk.

As soon as she talked to me again and realized she wasnt over me she dumped him to the curb. I honestly felt bad for him because he wasn't a shitty dude, just a normal person, but he had no hope of building that same connection we had because I was already the standard. In her eyes no one can do for her what I can. She even did what yours is doing to you, shed text me, message me, and I guess one time he noticed I was her top snapchat friend. She told him it was no big deal, we just still talked now and then, but 2 months later shes back with me completely.

I'm not saying this is for sure what will happen, but you need to talk to her. Tell her if shes not totally over her ex and he lives close enough for them to see each other, it makes you (understandably) uncomfortable. Tell her you don't want to waste your time and get shit on in the end. Say it as nicely or as dick like as you want, but make it very clear you are concerned with whatever relationship it is she still has with him.
 
13022856:ANDR01D said:

Sorry for a being a dick, I actually read this now and I'm glad I did because I myself went through a similar situation. I started dating a girl my senior year of college, she was about a year removed from her last serious relationship that had ended when her ex proposed to her and she turned him down. The relationship started off amazing and continued that way for about 8 months, we basically lived together and I was so in love. She had always mentioned her ex from time to time, and it never really bothered me, but right around the 8 month mark her ex decided he wanted to be "friends" with her. I was cool with it and even became friends with the guy myself, he was a really cool dude. He started to come around more often now that he was friends with both of us, and it became almost impossible to hang out with my own girlfriend one on one. I voiced my concerns that her ex was around too much and she told me nothing was different and she still loved me. Eventually, she told me she felt we were drifting apart and would be better friends than a couple. I was devastated, but I still hung out with her from time to time, convinced I could rekindle the relationship. It didn't work, and I became so frustrated I needed to vent to someone else who knew her as well as I did, so I went out for a couple beers with her ex. At the bar, after I had vented for little while, he confessed that she had cheated on me with him and he thought I should know. So I told him and (more importantly) her to go fuck themselves and have been jaded about relationships ever since. My advice to you is to draw a line and tell her you would prefer she doesn't talk to her ex anymore, if she refuses, then she is till hung up on him and you should walk away before you get burned like I did.

TLDR: Same situation. My girlfriend cheated on me with her ex. I was devastated. Tell her not to talk to her ex anymore and if she refuses, dump her. You don't need to go through what I did.
 
13023673:Lord_Byron said:
Dear OP, I'm that ex. Not yours specifically but I was in an almost identical situation. I met a girl in HS a year younger than me, fell in love with her and her with me, helped her get through some serious family issues, learned a lot, but in the end broke up when I went to college. Now I transferred and she happens to be going to the same college. Neither of us knew beforehand, but she had another BF for the year we didn't talk.

As soon as she talked to me again and realized she wasnt over me she dumped him to the curb. I honestly felt bad for him because he wasn't a shitty dude, just a normal person, but he had no hope of building that same connection we had because I was already the standard. In her eyes no one can do for her what I can. She even did what yours is doing to you, shed text me, message me, and I guess one time he noticed I was her top snapchat friend. She told him it was no big deal, we just still talked now and then, but 2 months later shes back with me completely.

I'm not saying this is for sure what will happen, but you need to talk to her. Tell her if shes not totally over her ex and he lives close enough for them to see each other, it makes you (understandably) uncomfortable. Tell her you don't want to waste your time and get shit on in the end. Say it as nicely or as dick like as you want, but make it very clear you are concerned with whatever relationship it is she still has with him.

Oh and don't take her word for shit. Even if she loves you, she will still lie to you. You need proof or real assurance that she isn't going to just fuck you over. If you just stand by, she probably will.
 
Bring it up. Call her out. Would she want you talking to your exes? No.

Asking her to not talk to any guys is ridiculous but telling her to not talk to her exes is legit. There's a reason that they are exes. She needs to get over him completely.
 
13023691:milk_man said:
Bring it up. Call her out. Would she want you talking to your exes? No.

Asking her to not talk to any guys is ridiculous but telling her to not talk to her exes is legit. There's a reason that they are exes. She needs to get over him completely.

Yes take the 16 year old virgin advice.
 
13023738:zzzskizzz said:
Yes take the 16 year old virgin advice.

I could hook up with sluts who would literally go for anyone, that's probably what you did

I have class though and if I'm going to do a lot with a girl, it's going to be with a girl that I'm going to stay with
 
13023746:milk_man said:
I could hook up with sluts who would literally go for anyone, that's probably what you did

I have class though and if I'm going to do a lot with a girl, it's going to be with a girl that I'm going to stay with

So you're blaming your virginity on your religion/not finding the right one? If only I heard that somewhere else before.
 
13023750:zzzskizzz said:
So you're blaming your virginity on your religion/not finding the right one? If only I heard that somewhere else before.

I don't need to blame it on anything. I've had more than a couple opportunities to lose it. I chose to keep. It's completely my choice. You people are all about tolerating all different kinds of things (gay marriage, etc) why can't you tolerate someone who wants to keep their dignity in life?
 
13023754:milk_man said:
I don't need to blame it on anything. I've had more than a couple opportunities to lose it. I chose to keep. It's completely my choice. You people are all about tolerating all different kinds of things (gay marriage, etc) why can't you tolerate someone who wants to keep their dignity in life?

can you guys have this stupid fight not here?

OP is in need of real advice, no one cares who you did or didn't bang and your reasons for doing or not doing it.
 
13023754:milk_man said:
I don't need to blame it on anything. I've had more than a couple opportunities to lose it. I chose to keep. It's completely my choice. You people are all about tolerating all different kinds of things (gay marriage, etc) why can't you tolerate someone who wants to keep their dignity in life?

jk thats not the byron way.

Ur fucking gay m8 lol u didnt lose it because ur a pussy couldnt get none of what you already are fucking knob lol nerd

u didnt have sex for jesus? More like you didn't have sex bcuz ur 3 inch wiener meant sex stopped at second base lol ur a fucking hoser evolution made us sexual beings not fucking gems of god's radiance jesus shit get rekt
 
13023765:Lord_Byron said:
can you guys have this stupid fight not here?

OP is in need of real advice, no one cares who you did or didn't bang and your reasons for doing or not doing it.

Sorry dad

But he started it
 
13022890:Olimar said:
Similar thing happened with me and my girflriend a while back. Although it was with another dude and not an ex. I was stupid and thought I could trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt like a good boyfriend should. 2 months later Im single and shes dating the same dude she was "Just friends with" less then a week after we broke up.

Moral of the story: dont do what I did.

Be like "yo, that 'hes just a friend' shit is bologna. You guys talk way more then a guy and girl should when they are just 'friends.'"

Oh man you kissed your ex after she was done blowing hers? Gross.

13023633:FrenchFry said:

This this and all of this

99% of the time where there is smoke there is fire. Or BJS
 
13023754:milk_man said:
I don't need to blame it on anything. I've had more than a couple opportunities to lose it. I chose to keep. It's completely my choice. You people are all about tolerating all different kinds of things (gay marriage, etc) why can't you tolerate someone who wants to keep their dignity in life?

Because I tolerate things you don't, I should tolerate you as well? Nice fallacy, sucks when someone hates on and judges you for no reason doesn't it.
 
13023754:milk_man said:
You people are all about tolerating all different kinds of things (gay marriage, etc) why can't you tolerate someone who wants to keep their dignity in life?

What do you mean you people?
 
13024061:zzzskizzz said:
Because I tolerate things you don't, I should tolerate you as well? Nice fallacy, sucks when someone hates on and judges you for no reason doesn't it.

I don't hate on and judge anyone
 
I would say that you should voice your concerns and make it clear how you feel, but it is possible that they are just really good friends after what he helped her through. Proceed with caution.
 
Okay, this is how it goes. Break up with this whore and get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp bullshit, I mean a fucking orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fucking orangutan, because that's not my problem. So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable; all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty, you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?", "You used to date the guy with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?". Next thing you know she's calling. "I'm hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?" "Geez, I dunno; me and Clyde were going to go to monster truck race tonight (orangutans love monster trucks). In fact, the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in. Oh well, you know my number so don't be a stra-- Hey, look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde's making Mojitoes." At this point, the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind, you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it's your life. But if you're a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You're texting. You're talking on Facetime. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You're one big Brady Bunch.
 
13024197:ZachAndCheese said:
Okay, this is how it goes. Break up with this whore and get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp bullshit, I mean a fucking orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fucking orangutan, because that's not my problem. So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable; all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty, you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?", "You used to date the guy with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?". Next thing you know she's calling. "I'm hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?" "Geez, I dunno; me and Clyde were going to go to monster truck race tonight (orangutans love monster trucks). In fact, the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in. Oh well, you know my number so don't be a stra-- Hey, look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde's making Mojitoes." At this point, the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind, you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it's your life. But if you're a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You're texting. You're talking on Facetime. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You're one big Brady Bunch.

I read all of this and I dont regret it
 
It sounds like she would dump you if her ex ever wanted to get back together with her, which is a shitty situation. If i were you i would make friends with other girls, and show her your shared messages with them to her. I would stay with this girl in case it works out, but dont burn bridges with other possible girlfriends.

And tell her that her boyfriend cant ski as well as you can (im assuming), so if she really prefers him over you shes a fucking idiot.

And see if her mom is still hot. If shes not, then your gf will follow down that path eventually
 
Easy, ask her to introduce you. Tell her that ya'll should double date. If she isn't comfortable with that then clearly they should not be on friendly terms yet.
 
13024252:Spss said:
It sounds like she would dump you if her ex ever wanted to get back together with her, which is a shitty situation. If i were you i would make friends with other girls, and show her your shared messages with them to her. I would stay with this girl in case it works out, but dont burn bridges with other possible girlfriends.

And tell her that her boyfriend cant ski as well as you can (im assuming), so if she really prefers him over you shes a fucking idiot.

And see if her mom is still hot. If shes not, then your gf will follow down that path eventually

This is all terrible advice besides the last line
 
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